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submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

EDIT: Thanks so much everyone. Great answers. This has been fun. Keep it going as long as you want!

DISCLAIMER: Silly Thought Exercise: NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OF REPLACING BIDEN. I personally do not think replacing Biden is a good idea at this stage in the election. I think that's more dangerous than keeping him, sadly, but he's who we've got. I'm just looking for shitposty thoughts on this question, please and thank you.


What-over-the-top absurd person would you choose to replace Biden who you think could actually body Trump, and why?

For an example, my choice would be based on the idea that the only thing that makes a bully like Trump wilt is a bigger bully. Secondly, US citizens love trash talking and sports and absolutely will vote for someone who is already famous, they certainly love their celebrities. Finally, what better sport for trash talk than basketball?

In that, my choice would be basketball legend Larry Bird. (he's famously apolitical, so it's hard to know if he would actually be politically aligned against Trump.)

...but, the thing is, Larry Bird is a masterclass trash talker.

And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he's been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw. I don't think he could handle Larry Bird's level of shit-talk, Bird is like god-tier.

I can imagine Bird calling Trump out and saying he can smell his shit-filled diaper from across the auditorium, obviously Bird would describe more colorfully than I. The thing is, I can also see that absolutely throwing Trump into hysterics.

Also, at 67 Bird's a fucking spring chicken compared to Biden or Trump.

So, I'm hoping for answers that are a bit silly, like this. Larry Bird is obviously not actually a good choice for this. I just like chuckling at the idea, because real life has gotten so absurd I need to hide in even deeper absurdity.


What's your absurd Biden replacement? Please, I think we could use some laughs.

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[-] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 96 points 4 months ago

I think Weird Al Yankovic would be the perfect opponent. The absurdity of a political debate where Trump spouts absolute nonsense in a perfectly serious manor while Al lays serious facts in the most nonsensical form would be the show of the century and weird Al has better qualifications for the job by trumps standards having maintained cultural relevancy and financial stability for 4 decades. Plus he's jest super likeable.

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 43 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

He's also a perfect counterpoint as a healthy representative of the Christian religion. It's the reason he doesn't curse in his songs. He's a good clean, Christian boy!

Would they let him respond to debate questions in song with his accordion? Dear GOD I hope so.

...with Vice President... hang on I'm having trouble reading this... Hot Saucerman? Shock Jockerman? Trick Shotterman? Yacht Rockerman? Who is this guy??

[-] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 months ago

People would just point out that the whole thing is Al generated though.

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[-] ShellMonkey@lemmy.socdojo.com 67 points 4 months ago
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[-] SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social 55 points 4 months ago

Sacha Baron Cohen.

The appeal of Trump's rhetoric and populist message is entirely subconscious, and doesn't stand up to even a few moments of critical analysis. Baron Cohen has a genius-level understanding of how to get into people's heads, and what's more, he can do it fluently, on-the-fly. His U.S. presidential candidate character would totally dismantle MAGA.

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[-] mozz@mbin.grits.dev 40 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

~~John~~ Stewart

Edit: Sorry I meant his brother, Jon Stewart

[-] The_Che_Banana@beehaw.org 28 points 4 months ago

Stewart/Colbert ticket would absolutely rock his orange ass off.

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 4 months ago

With Presidential Cabinet members Steve Carrell, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Judge John Hodgman, Jordan Klepper and Lewis Fucking Black.

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[-] cygnus@lemmy.ca 11 points 4 months ago

I don't know John Stewart, but Jon Stewart would be an interesting choice.

[-] SkybreakerEngineer@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago

At this point I'd take either the superhero or the comedian

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[-] Kalkaline@leminal.space 37 points 4 months ago

Bill Burr or Jon Stewart, either one of them would absolutely crush Trump on a debate stage and people would line up to watch it.

[-] Zahille7@lemmy.world 22 points 4 months ago

I can almost hear Bill going "ohhh, shut the fuck up, ya fat ahrange piece a' shit!"

[-] Etterra@lemmy.world 16 points 4 months ago

While I think Jon Stewart would make a better president than either of those jackasses, that would be such a cruel thing to do to such a good person.

[-] Kalkaline@leminal.space 19 points 4 months ago

I don't know that I want Jon Stewart as a POTUS, I just want him one on one with Trump and Trump isn't allowed to leave or call off the debate. Jon Stewart is what the Founding Fathers meant the press to be. They wanted the press to be a 4th check on government outside the separation of powers and not a mouthpieces of the government.

[-] Canadian_Cabinet@lemmy.ca 35 points 4 months ago

Vermin Supreme, because every American deserves a pony

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[-] hedders@fedia.io 25 points 4 months ago

Taylor Swift. Not that I think she's absurd. I just think she'd have absolutely zero time for Trump's bullshit, and would probably write some very cutting lyrics about it.

[-] tetris11@lemmy.ml 9 points 4 months ago

Let's not pin cult leaders against each other now

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[-] Brkdncr@lemmy.world 25 points 4 months ago
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[-] StrawberryPigtails@lemmy.sdf.org 21 points 4 months ago

Well, Marshall Mathers in his Slim Shady persona would be interesting. Not sure who I would pair him up with for VP though.

I figure after 4 years of Slim Shady as President, we would either have world peace or the world would be in pieces.

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 33 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Not sure who I would pair him up with for VP though.

Dude, you forgot about Dre.

[-] rocci@lemmy.ml 20 points 4 months ago

Dwayne Johnson is an incredible trash talker by the same logic and would own his candy ass

[-] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 4 months ago

Stone Cold Steve Austin.

WHAT?

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[-] BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.world 18 points 4 months ago

I found a guy on linkedin that has the same name, just slot him in and pretend nothing happened, wouldn't even have to change any of the campaign marketing. Dude looks to be in his 20s and manages a coffee place, definitely more than qualified.

[-] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 18 points 4 months ago
[-] Lemmeenym@lemm.ee 18 points 4 months ago

A Martha Stewart/Snoop Dogg ticket would be interesting. I kinda want to see Snoop in the debate though so maybe a Snoop Dogg/Martha Stewart ticket.

If you want to guarantee a win though Oprah is the answer. Just to maximize Trump's rage I say we need Oprah/RuPaul 2024.

[-] cerement@slrpnk.net 9 points 4 months ago

forget Martha Stewart – but Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson as heads of the DEA and FDA

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[-] cerement@slrpnk.net 15 points 4 months ago

Robert Evans – writer, comedian, conflict journalist, podcaster – Cracked, Bellingcat, Behind the Bastards, did a podcast from Rojava, and reported live from Portland’s George Floyd protests

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[-] corroded@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago

I was actually thinking about something similar today. We've already had an actor as president, then with Trump, we had a reality-TV star. Social media is the new "TV" for the younger generation, so it's only a matter of time before we have an influencer or a YouTube creator as a candidate, right? Let's see MrBeast go toe-to-toe with Trump.

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[-] Asafum@feddit.nl 14 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

a masterclass trash talker. And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he’s been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw.

That's an interesting point, I was actually kind of annoyed that Biden was insulting Trump as I saw it as stooping to his level, but your comment on that does make it seem like a valid strategy.

I don't think he could win, but for a laugh I'd love to see Hunter Biden replace Joe lol convicted felon vs convicted felon!

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[-] Hotspur@lemmy.ml 12 points 4 months ago

Go all in on milking generational divide and do like a Taylor Swift / Kendrick Lamar ticket. I definitely think either of them could do a better job at being president than our current batch of options.

[-] SORROW@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago

The Rock. If you're going to sink your ship at least do it with style.

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[-] Etterra@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago

Okay okay hear me out.

Megatron.

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[-] ssm@lemmy.sdf.org 10 points 4 months ago

Linus Torvalds or Theo de Raadt

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[-] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago
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[-] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 10 points 4 months ago

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. We get the absurdity of a puppet and the entertainment of a puppet throwing insults at Trump.

[-] fruitycoder@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 months ago

John Browns Body.

I think we would be better off with any rotting corpse over Trump, but old John at least fought for something good once

[-] LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Andrew Callaghan. Just sit there an ask Trump simple questions with a vibe so chill he self destructs without any outside interference.

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[-] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 4 months ago
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this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2024
97 points (88.8% liked)

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