roll call

@SeventyTwoTrillion@hexbear.net

@Mokey@hexbear.net

@FumpyAer@hexbear.net

@odmroz@hexbear.net

@Ufot@hexbear.net

@RonPaulyShore@hexbear.net

@Rojo27@hexbear.net

@Grebgreb@hexbear.net

@CommunistBear@hexbear.net

@TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net

@LGOrcStreetSamurai@hexbear.net

@blight@hexbear.net

@quarrk@hexbear.net

@vehicom@lemmygrad.ml

@Aradina@lemmy.ml

@Tomorrow_Farewell@hexbear.net

@LanyrdSkynrd@hexbear.net

@LocalOaf@hexbear.net

@Wmill@hexbear.net

@Cammy@hexbear.net

If anybody else wants to be added to the roll call, just let me know

This week I did a lot of microexercises. My new habit is to do 2 incline push-ups every time before I wash my hands. Today I'm feeling kinda sick so I don't have any big goals for next week, I'll just try to stay on top of my regular habits

I've been sober off edibles for a week now and did some novel reading. I've been trying to comfort and entertain myself without spending money, and I went a whole week without making a purchase.

I got paid today though, so I'm going to try to make it stick. Reading the books and playing the games I already have and facing my issues instead of trying to cope with stress in unhealthy ways.

Managed to stop smoking for a month now, quit multiplayer games entirely (what a monstrous waste of time and energy holy shit), completely scrubbed my flat for 8 hours yesterday and WOW does it feel nice to live in a clean well organised space. Trying to quit soda very progressively, I drink a ton of water now and I def feel much better! Finally managed to start reading theory regularly, Stalin slaps. Gonna buy weights next week and start building cause holy molly I’m way underweight right now.

Still focusing almost exclusively on the work-related studies. I will be starting next week.

A full week of opening shifts at work pretty much tanked my workout routine. First couple of days I just worked out whenever I got a chance at home, but after I just got a bit lazy. Also felt a bit sick towards the end of the week and I'm currently getting over that.

Looking to just get back on track since I'm back to a regular schedule now.

• Entirely stopped drinking coffee. Still some green/black tea but I'm working on it.
• Walked 6 days. Yesterday I walked 25 miles, which is again sounding the exercise-as-self-harm alarm bells, but I don't think it will happen again soon. At least this time I got some soda and fruit on the way.
• Finally made a phone call I've been dreading all week. My friend helped me prepare but I actually managed to call on my own.

I stuck to my beer ration last week

I've run on the treadmill twice per week for the last 3 weeks. Between 12 and 20 minutes each time. Truly grueling, but it improves my mood for the rest of the week.

Weird runner problems began almost immediately though.

First, my leg got weird shooting nerve blasts every time I extend my right leg (while running). This was improved somewhat by tying that shoe less tightly. It's not pain, it's a shooting tingle from my knee to the foot.

Then, my hips started hurting this week (only while running). I mitigated that somewhat by increasing the incline and running lower in my hips + making sure to land heel first on every stride. This felt better in the hips, but it felt like it took more effort.

If anyone has insight into these things, let me know.

alcohol cessation/drugs/sobriety

Kept up my alcohol sober streak, this is my first time being over a month dry this year

Being using kratom over the last week or two and it's helped me a lot but I think I'm gonna try to take a couple days not taking any to avoid a tolerance build up or psychological dependence, it helps me with the booze cravings sometimes when I get stressed out but I can tell I have the propensity to find something that makes me feel better and overdo it

Been really busy and working on a bunch of household maintenance type stuff that I've put off for awhile and gotten some important ones like a bathroom deep cleaning and washing bedding done lately but I haven't slept well in awhile and am constantly running on fumes and fatigued and irritable

Set some fitness goals for a target weight but haven't been able to get my exercise in the last week and feel kinda crappy about that. Have been trying to eat better though and I've been working on reducing my snacking and have been trying to eat vegan more often (I'm mostly vegetarian but my home isn't so meal planning and groceries can get tricky sometimes)

I want to get back into playing music after a long hiatus, so I'm thinking of taking the money I'm not spending on booze anymore and putting it toward a new amp or a modeling interface or something and start practicing guitar more and set some goals of learning a certain number of songs a week and practice to the point of memorizing them and being able to play along to the recording in time cleanly but I'm sure I'll be rusty and likely get frustrated with myself

Also want to update my wardrobe but I hate shopping for clothes, so I might make a goal of rounding up stuff I don't wear anymore and donating them to a thrift store to justify ordering shit I've wanted online instead of having to shop for clothes in person because I hate doing that and it exhausts me and makes me really uncomfortable

Spending a lot of time taking care of my cats and it's been incredibly rewarding and improved my mental health a lot

catposting 💕🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛💕

I've been taking my vitamins pretty consistently and some other daily habits I guess. And I'm finally turning the tide on cleaning I think. I was in quite the funk for a while there and my place, while rarely tidy, is worse than usual, but I've started cleaning it today. Oh and I've been biking instead of driving. Having a working car is a fuck, its so easy to justify or procrastinate my way into driving everywhere.

Ws:

1. My goal of limiting alcohol to one drink a week max is going well

2. Noticing I’m stronger than I think I am at the gym. Recently benched 205 for a 1rm and my bench for reps is 185

3. Went to dentist recently and nothing seems wrong, except for just needing to floss more

4. Finally making my first solo long distance travel in my life. Paid for the ticket and everything to visit my more successful cousin. Hopefully I’ll learn a thing or two about getting my shit together

Ls:

1. Looking for jobs again, and of course since I didn’t major in stem that means not even an interview because clearly whether or not you’re good at an engineering discipline is the single determining factor of your value as a human

I'm currently maintaining my various successes. I'm reading books, I'm lifting weights, I'm not wasting time on the internet, I'm actively working on developing my programming skills, I'm trying to "NETWORK™®©" (it's far harder to have a simple but genuine conversation with strangers these days, even at networking events, everyone is trying to boost their brand and shit), and in general all is well. I'm also reconnecting with my writing passion. I have been writing really bad short stories to help get the creative waters flowing from my brain to keyboard, still SUPER far from where I want to be but we are moving in the right direction. Slowly, but certainly moving.

I hope all the Hexbear c/self_improvement continue to better themselves in every way they can. I really think that actively looking at yourself and becoming better for the sake of yourself is wonderful. Not for the market, not to "self-optimize", none of that shit, but purely for the sake of being better because you want to be. I think that's dope.

September has not been great for me. This is probably the worst my mental health has been in a while. I'm in my "I want to run away and start over somewhere new" phase that I know is an impossibility. I wish I had an actionable plan to get my shit together and improve my life but it feels like so many avenues are just cut off for me. I feel like I have no agency in my own life. I don't get to do what I want on a day to day basis and, largely speaking, I don't know what the fuck I want to do because I so rarely have any agency that it feels like that part of my brain is atrophying away.