Probably could have worded that better but there’s no perfect analogy :/

I was trying to say that when you look at someone missing legs most people immediately understand certain areas of life are more challenging for them than for yourself. You might even treat them with more respect because of this and support them when you’re able.

However, looking at someone with ADHD, you can’t see their prefrontal cortex or neurotransmitters at all. Thus it usually doesn’t make sense why life could be more challenging for them than it is for yourself.

The reality is most of us default to projecting our own life experience on others as hard facts (sometimes leading to false assumptions other people’s intentions). We could all really benefit from looking at people around us with an openness and curiosity, knowing that there’s a lot we don’t know and can’t see

It's fair I can't understand why they don't just use the legs they don't have

I think the problem with simple things like this are not that they don't work, but that the problem arises in the actually doing of the things.

Personally my primary problem from ADHD is executive dysfunction, and it is SO hard to convey to people/advisors and such that yes, if I did all these "easy" solutions it would help, but the problem is the doing of the thing, creating a bootstrapping problem. To do the productive work you need to use x strategy but you can't do x strategy because brain says no.

I think if as you have you can make these simple things habit it will help immensely, but as you said it takes a lot of willpower.

You’re definitely not alone.

I think the key is that we are so often told what to do, but rarely are instructed on how to do it - it’s easy to give advice, but without providing the structure to actually implement the advice, it isn’t worth much. People seem to forget how much work it takes for us to do the things they suggest. Very little advice is as straight-forward as advice-givers make it sound.

Like above, one can say “install time-tracking productivity software” but what does that really mean? To me, it means that now I’ll have to research different types of software. Which means I have to find something compatible with my devices that also: respects my privacy, is easy to use, that has a reasonable price point, and won’t bombard me with ads. If I manage to do all that without getting side-tracked for too long (which is a big “IF”), THEN I have to set up the software and figure out how to use it. Only after all that can I get to the step of actually using it… which honestly, is easy to forget to do as well.

Point is, a lot of “simple advice” isn’t actually that simple for people with ADHD. So when people talk like an idea is some easy thing, it can leave a lot of us feeling like we can’t even reach out for help because iT’s sO siMpLe that asking for help feels embarassing. Yet without guided support, it’s much easier to discount the advice outright than to try to figure out how to implement it on our own. So we fall into that trap, and the “good advice” is ignored yet again.

It's not the ideas themselves that are the issue, it's the idea that a person making the suggestion will fix you with such basic suggestions. Alarms? Oh, I hadn't heard of those, and now I'm cured! Time tracking software? I had not thought of that! Suppose I can cancel my therapy appointments.

100% all those simple ideas definitely work for anyone, but it usually takes far longer for someone with ADHD to implement these ideas and make them a habit on their own, and even more effort to keep the habit going. This is really confusing to someone without ADHD because in their own lives when they put effort in to changing something they usually see results somewhat quickly. Thus, they assume the ADHD individual does not care or have the desire to change because there’s no immediate visible results, or not as many visible results over a longer period of time

Not it's not. You are right. It takes a lot longer to learn those habits and apply it in a useful way. It's taken me ~9 years and of taking it more seriously. I still f up from time to time. Just not nearly as much as when I started trying to get my shit together. (Even my test results showed overcompensation in my attention problem lol)

You still need to develop those skills on meds. Which takes practice. Meds make it easier to practice.

I think a lot of people on these communities are at a point of discovery and realization. That there is a big factor (ADHD) causing their struggles in life. That they are not "just lazy and undisciplined." A phase that can look like self-victimization and excuses.

Thing that worked well for me btw, is the ADHD guide on HealthyGamerGG. The name sounds stupid, but it's the online name of a psychiatrist with experience with ADHD patients, and he takes a hollistic approach. I usually despise every form of spirituality, but he managed to filter out the "woo woo" (as he calls it) and stick to the practical aspects of meditation and how the mind works. Helped me understand my issues and how to handle them better.

I didn't understand for so long how people could just sit down and do shit, while I hated doing things like dishes so much it made me irrationally angry.

Just knowing I have a problem helped. With some consideration and research I got ideas on how to deal with some of my problems. Example: hate washing dishes? Reduce the number of dishes you have at home and replace as many as possible with dishwasher-safe alternatives (assuming you have a dishwasher). Then they can't pile up so bad and it becomes less intimidating to take on.

What didn't help: suggestions from people without ADHD. "Just do it", "schedule it", "task tracker", etc.. yeah fuck that.

• Struggle with eating fruit/veg instead of shit snacks? Buy pre-cut stuff.
• Don't know what to cook? Use a recipe randomizer each week and just buy what you need, or just do 5 pages out of a cookbook or something, idk. Hell for a while I just made the same meals every week, no planning necessary.
• Hate folding clothes? Just don't. Reduce the amount of clothing you have, get bins for each type of clothing, separate and pile that shit.

Yeah. Same here. Even my test results showed signs of overcompensation. I got most stuff correct in time, but my impulsivity (and gaming addiction) shined through. It was stressful as hell and I tried my best. Then took the test again on meds and 1) it wasn't stressful, I was zen! 2) I was far less impulsive. xD

Yeah, frankly I'm shocked by the number of comments saying "I dont understand, why are you complaining about all my good ideas?"

Of course it would, but it's like meeting a deaf person and suggesting hearing aids and closed captioning. You think people don't know about setting reminders?