It's a riddle. It was made of ice.

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

Must have been the wind

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

Know your local mythology.

Did it have a flared end?

If yes:

It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.

or

He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

If no:

Butt plug goblins.

They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

Mmmm, that's some fresh greentext too!

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

Do people actually do this?

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

A wizard did it.

I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.

Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon

Have you checked for any holes in your wall? Maybe you coughed or sneezed while sleeping.

butt plug tom strikes again

It's under the bed.

Aliens