this reminds me of one of my "cowboy phrases"

Im from Texas but I live somewhere else now. My employees laugh at some things I thought were common phrases.

Anyway ...

Person: I wish/wanted/hoped (blank)

Me: yeah, and I wish frogs had wings so they didn't have to bump their ass on the ground when they hopped. Life is full of little disappointments.

In case you're curious for a couple more cowboy phrases.

Person: are you sure this was (the most likely cause)

Me: the bright star is always Venus. Is that bright star Venus? Probably, we can find out, it's a waste of time tho because it'll be venus. It's always Venus.

Last example: "I see" said the blind man as he pissed into the wind "it's all coming back to me now"

Little dude looks like I should be able to lightly press his back and he lights up like a novelty nightlight

what does a blue raspberry taste like

Gushers

I bet it tastes trippy.