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So I've followed Aaron Carter's public life since some time in 1998 and since his death I've tried to find a way to grieve my first parasocial relationship and understand what on earth went one with him, his life and his family.

It's slowly coalescing so now I need to get it out of my head by writing it down. I've chosen this community to share these random ramblings.

A short introduction about me: I come from a dysfunctional family. Aaron has helped me stay alive during my teenage years. Abusive people don't allow their offspring to develop an identity if they can help it. This was the one bit I clung to. Everybody made fun of me for it similar to how people made fun of early Justin Bieber fans. But this helped me hold on until I could get out. I stopped calling myself a fan around 2005 ish when I started to cotton on that Aaron liked to play the victim.

Figuring out Aaron Carter is so difficult because a) people in the entertainment business aren't known to be honest in general b) lies are a very common occurrence in drug addicts and dysfunctional families and c) the Carters in particular are very obviously changing their stories all the time. Figuring out what is actually true, what was hidden and what is a lie is thus difficult. As a result I tend to watch how all the Carters act around each other and look for stories being corrobated ideally by multiple family members multiple times.

Aaron himself has been known to lie in interviews when he was 9 already. His mother Jane complained about this in the fan book she wrote about her son 3 years later. In the beginning it was obvious lies. Aaron claimed he already broke his fingers multiple times and the draconian punishment dealt by his mother. Quickly corrected by Jane.

Even back in the 90s these stories always were about medical issues or perceived slights. And it shows how normal lying was in this family. The irony of Jane complaining about Aaron lying still is something to behold.

But three stories from this time do stick out. The first is about a scar Aaron had above his nose. Apparently toddler Aaron was unsupervised when he fell into a pool and barely survived. Jane has corroborated this story. What sticks out is that when telling the story Nick is always framed as the one who should have watched Aaron. Nick was all of 10? 12? Even this early on Nick was made to carry adult responsibilities and no one in the family questions where the actual parents were.

Another story that sticks out is that Aaron said in multiple interviews his mother was strict without elaborating. Indeed in the first home video that was commercially released Aaron is seen goofing off with everyone but Jane. I think that was his 10 year old way of verbalising being verbally and emotionally abused and the very demanding way of being worked like an adult. A former moderator once saw Jane yell at and manhandle Aaron before a concert when he didn't want to do the show. He did do the show not showing any signs of turmoil. 10 years old and well versed in hiding his emotions and pretending to enjoy it. A skill sadly familiar to me as well. How much worse it must be when there's thousands of people cheering you on like this.

The third story that sticks out is that Aaron often said he and Nick had playful fights. Jane disapproved but Aaron back then always said it was in good fun. And early on Aaron and Nicks relationship when seen in public was filled with mutual teasing, cuddles, hugs, Aaron clearly looking up to Nick and Nick often playing the role of a parent still by teaching Aaron various skills and looking out for him. There seems to have been a growing rivalry between the brothers that wasn't as well publicised.

All 5 Carter siblings also say their communication was always dysfunctional. The father Bob ruled by fear, apparently he randomly shot his gun into the air at times, the parents fought in front of the children and angrily demanded the children pick one parent over another in a divorce that wouldn't come for a few more years. Both Jane and Bob had a history with drugs already. In the House of Carter show we certainly see the siblings as adults with no conflict solution skills other than to yell at each other and occasionally become violent.

Bob seems to have been a very absentee father. Jane went hard on getting her sons into musical education hoping to turn them into famous singers early on. Bob did not agree, the lessions were too expensive. Jane clesrly won out tho and Nick was grateful for the early encouragement even after he be came estranged from Jane. Throughout the early careers of both sons Bob tends to stay home and avoid the media while Jane pushed especially Aarons career hard in classic stage mom fashion.

From what little we've seen from Bob I always wondered about how he felt about not being the main breadwinner in the family. Somebody who rules by fear doesn't tend to rejoice when their victims get fanatic levels of encouragement and a fleet of managers, bodyguards and minders. But clearly in the end he enjoyed the money too much to sabotage it.

He also was home with three daughters with no fellow adult to mitigate his worst behaviour. There's bitter claims about Bob sexually abusing middle daughter Leslie and/or Aaron. When Bob visited on House of Carters Leslie certainly does not react like a daddy's girl.

To be continued. Maybe.

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 55 points 7 months ago

Personally I find it a lot more disturbing that intersex babies are still assgined a binary gender by a doctor and then get surgery to shape their genitals. The parents are often scaremongered and pressured into consenting and the affected people don't know it was done to them until firmly into adulthood. It's often a sterilising surgery too.

If you are against doctors doing gender changing surgery, please start with the babies? But oh no! Then the argument that there are only two genders falls apart.

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 37 points 7 months ago

In Europe the US healthcare system is seen as a joke and medieval. Same for most social services I'm the US. Like somebody else said I stopped feeling sympathy a while ago.

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she squirrel (mander.xyz)
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[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 66 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Healthcare, electoral college, how supreme court justices are elected, first past the post voting system.

Edit: and the self assurance to nitpick a foreigner over the details of how justices come into their job.

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It got cold enough to restart her job as a sun worshipper again.

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 23 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

They wanted to switch over to a subscription model. I assume many people like me who used to use infinity just bailed.

Edit: I actually dug up the source for this. It still worked for non subscribers until now. Apparently that will stop on august 30th. The headline is misleading. Starting in September it will be the aforementioned subscription model.

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blep (mander.xyz)

It's too warm and we both do our best to cope.

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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz to c/cat@lemmy.world

She later complained it was boring and to indoorsy too.

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 51 points 1 year ago

Telling me I should forgive/contact my abusive exfamily. Especially after knowing me for less than 30 mins and them not at all.

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 20 points 1 year ago

I'm especially fascinated by the gendered difference in whether you get to keep your titles. So transitioning one way means you keep your chess muscles? But not the other? Transness itself isn't the problem then?? I'd love to hear them attempt to justify that rule.

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 19 points 1 year ago

It's fascinating that reddit is still continuing it's crusade against moderators after their attempts to find new moderators are so extremely successful. You'd think you can only shoot yourself in the foot so often.

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I just love this video! Not sure if it counts as a meme tho. ๐Ÿ˜…

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 20 points 1 year ago

That's what you should say to the transphobe.

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 37 points 1 year ago

You're a real woman and anyone who questions it is loosing touch with their humanity.

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[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 33 points 1 year ago

I was born into an abusive "family". Fled into my head. Became the quiet brainy kid. Underfed and sleep deprived but did well in school and most people ignored the abuse.

Eventually studied at university, very high achieving, still hiding in my head. Super awkward with people. Autism didn't help. The awareness that I was autistic made several light bulbs go on in my head.

I stopped contact with all of the exfamily and after uni wanted to focus on healing the trauma. Picked up several chronic diseases, realized I was non binary, got adopted by a cat.

Currently fighting to be able to work, if I manage I'll not go for academics as I always thought I would but for helping animals. Trying to get out of head. Have emotions, talk to people.

[-] Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz 20 points 1 year ago

Yeah that line was used by my abusers way to often. They just "can't understand" why I'd go no contact. As if the last 300 explanations were somehow non existent. Nope. I don't owe you anything.

And my old person trait is my walking stick I suppose.

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Pandoras_Can_Opener

joined 1 year ago