Google was fantastic. I didn't even have to do anything. The original canopic photo was a top result. I did a quickie crop from the same Schumer photo that I MS Paint shopped over and over in this thread.

All I needed to do was shrink his eyes/glasses down to the right size. Then a do quickie crop for the third (bird) one. I was going to get very fancy and have the bird's beak be the nose but I realized it was massive overkill.

The stars aligned.