Like yeah, exactly. With the right person, you can talk for hours and hours about all kinds of stuff that interests you.
with the right person you can also be quiet with for hours
One of the best relationships I ever had.
This! Silence is so much better than unnecessary and forced talking
But also meaningless bullshit. That does not denote a bad relationship.
Exactly. I can't remember where I heard this - it might have been a podcast like RadioLab or something else - but it was talking about how happily married, intelligent couples talk to each other .
It turns out, it's not usually super deep, intelligent conversations. The vast majority of conversations are just meaningless bullshit. Most of the time, couples aren't even really talking to each other, but they're just kind of thinking aloud. Stupid stuff like, "I swear I saw a dozen blue Volkswagens today."
It turns out that people who are comfortable with each other don't need to have deep conversations all the time. They can just relax, unwind, and be themselves.
My partner will talk to herself, loud enough to be audible, but not (to deaf me.) loud enough to be coherent. Drives me fucking insane. I have my ways of driving her insane.
The way I understand "Smalltalk" is not whether the subject matter is "serious enough" but rather whether either party actually has any interest in it, or if it is a polite nicety to avoid awkward silence.
Discussing the weather in a car ride with a coworker is smalltalk, contemplating with a friend how one might conquer the world using ant-controlling super powers is not.
This exactly. "Do you think free will exists" could, in fact, be small talk, if neither of you is particularly interested in the topic.
My wife and I will sit in the same room for hours and never speak a word to each other. We only talk when we have something to say, and we're both happy with that relationship. My sister thinks we're crazy, but we like it quiet.
My steppairents are like this and beeing with them, at a meal table, and have nobody say anything for 20 Minutes is so fucking wired. I am getting used to it, but it's still off as fuck.
I'm interested to know the dynamic that causes two step parents to be together like that. Is it one parent and one step parent or a step parent that remarried and now you have a step step parent?
My wife asks how my day was "great, or good, or whatever" then I ask how her day was she usually stops talking before bedtime. Works for both of us!
"Such weather we're having huh?"
Truly peak romance
But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”. Observation and response is a perfectly normal way to start a conversation
I think it's more about your expectation from interactions with strangers. I will tolerate a ton of weather talk from my wife but if the guy taking my order at 5 Guys tries the same thing it's not going to be as well received.
Lotta folks on both sides of this conversation who have never been in a long-term relationship.
When I say "I hate small talk" I actually mean "please Shut up, Im really anxious and I don't know what to respond to you other that nodding and «Thats crazy»"
Silence is bliss while doing your own hobbies together.
Literally yes.
if you're in a relationship you can just hug instead of small talk
Small talk is the equivalent of dogs sniffing each others ass. The topic isn't really the point, it's just a quick and easy way to gauge another person's mood and attitude towards you. It's a skill worth developing. And I say this as someone with social anxiety.
Being in a relationship means you can come home and totally info-dump unguarded about whatever weird thing you're contemplating and the person opposite you will be happy you're there and delighted that you're happy or sad with you if you're sad. It also means you do this for the other person with genuine interest. I don't call that "small talk".
This is it.
My wife comes home and fires on all cylinders about her day. Then I share how much my one coworker sucks and what they did today.
Then we wonder about the heat death of the universe.
Id rather discuss that than what someone did last weekend tbh.
That's the point of this post. That's fun for me too. But if you're living with someone, you've found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years. How will it look 15 years later? Either you rehash the same conversation about free will multiple times a day or you wander around the same house in abject silence for months until one of you can think of a good continuation of that 20 year long "what is the meaning of life?" conversation you've been having. Instead just learn to small talk, life is long and it's nice to have the affirmation that a loved one still pays attention to and cares about your day to day.
Hi honey did you see today’s shitposts memes?
Hey baby I brought home some dinner-
“Husband. Thy presence brings thoughts of philosophical questions.”
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
Is that because you are choosing to, or because of destiny?
Small talk != big talk
I would even say: Big talk > small talk
So this person thinks they can choose small talk? curious.
These kinds of philosophical questions are easily defeated by asking "does it matter though?"
I don't think that defeats it at all, it just changes the direction of the conversation and is as deeply philosophical as the first. Some might say life goes on with or without free will so it doesn't matter, other say that the a societal acceptance of the absence of free will removes the burden of guilt, and could reshape society in very profound ways, so of course it matters.
There is value in asking the question and in the consideration itself. Even if we never find the answer, it's good for our brains to think about these things. Knowledge, and the search for it, can be an end unto itself. We don't always need to do something with it.
it may not matter at all, but we're here, somehow, made of sentient flesh, kept on a giant rock hurling through space, spinning around an enormous buring ball of fire. it's all bizarre and none of us knows what is going on, so why not take some time out of the lives we live as statistical abnormalities, and just ponder on the whys and hows and whats of the things around us, and our own minds
I guess, if they answer "No" or "Your simple rebuttal has made me realize the problem of free will is nbd actually".
But if they say "Yes. It does matter." Then suddenly it isn't defeated and you'd need to provide a compelling argument for it not mattering, which would make for good conversation.
"It does if you are mad about me cheating on you."
Pretty much yeah.
There is nothing wrong with silence, also my partner and I always have something to talk about that isn't small talk. We have been together for 22 yrs. We have a lifetimes worth of shared experiences to converse about.
I mean yeah kind of. I like having these kinds of conversations far more than boilerplate smalltalk.
Yeah, this literally is how it works, like to a T.
Bold of you to assume I can form and maintain a relationship.
Man I really hate AI 'upscaled' images like this. It still looks bad! A JPEG artifact image and an AI 'shitscaled' image are both shit, just in different ways.
We would share comfortable silences and not feel the need to talk at all.
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