"Look, I told you yesterday, I don't care. Whatever I said the first time we had this discussion, today, on the 937th time, I no longer give a shit."
We would share comfortable silences and not feel the need to talk at all.
Kinda just hoping they love me for who I am and not some forced version of myself that makes me feel like a complete ass.
I hate talking small. I'm not good at it. It's one of the reasons I have a limited number of profound friendships rather than being liked by everybody. I'm an introvert. I'm ok with that. My partner can chat when we see each other after work because when we're talking about the kitties doing something cute or what we wanna have for dinner that's not small talk. That's talking about things with very low impact or consequences.
when we're talking about the kitties doing something cute or what we wanna have for dinner that's not small talk.
What else do you imagine is part of "small talk"?
talking about things with very low impact or consequences
Isn't that the definition of small talk?
That is small talk though.
Yep.
I don't think it matters.
I honestly don't think it's a meaningful question.
I think the point is more to filter out people quickly who you couldn't be in a sustainable relationship with anyways.
I don't mind it as much as i used to anymore. But ten years ago, i consistently associated "small-talk" people with people who were superficial and wouldn't comprehend important issues should they ever come up anyways.
Also i'm not sure how right i was about that.
You need a bit balance of everything. I used to be snooty about small-talk. Eventually I started noticing that the most personable people, who make someone new feel welcome, included, and who make you feel like you're noticed and worth remembering through recalling basic personal details--these people have excellent small-talk skills.
I think part of why small-talk often feels pointless is because people don't enter into it intentionally, with purpose. If you go into it with purpose, like creating a good social experience for others, or building/maintaining 2nd/3rd order social connections in a humanizing way, it feels a lot different. Like anything, it's still exhausting after a certain amount.
I absolutely love questions like this! My wife absolutely hates them. She often gets irritated when people ask questions about what you think.
Like when our therapist asked her "How do you think your actions contribute to your own unhappiness?"
Asking someone you love "How was your day?" is a meaningful question. Small talk is bullshit time wasting between randos or acquaintances.
"i just don't think this relationship is going to work. i need more small talk."
"...the fuck? ok, bye"
Legally, yes. Deterministicly, maybe.
Free will is just the total sum of available options an actor can take, assuming another actor can be put into the same position.
We gossip about our coworkers/classmates /people we know in common or talk about shared hobbies and upcoming plans together.
As someone who's not been in an real relationship this is my fear as well, even if I find someone how will I keep them engaged enough for a lifetime. I rarely even text the women I get digits from, I'm just very comfortable being alone and now it's getting problematic
I think everyone needs to recalibrate what 'small talk' is.
Some people are acting so opposed to small talk, as if it requires writing an essay on why you love a list of pop culture influencers and reality stars.
More like "hi honey, I'm home, would you fancy a quick fuck?"
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