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submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Mastersmacks@reddthat.com to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

I've got no problem with them, but these are obviously kids who grew up in a different age than me, and it shows, I know what could seem a joke to me could come off different to them. Especially this being In the trades and the type of jokes we make here. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, we're all trying to just get through the day after all

Edit: I have learned, they used to be female, transitioned to male. (So trans-masc? I'm probably messing that up) Lesbian, and non-binary, thankfully they brought it up which was very helpful as I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask

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[-] Hello_there@fedia.io 79 points 2 months ago

Just start saying 'they' for everyone that's work related. No matter on LGBT status.
Makes it easier to not fuck up.

[-] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago

I already do this with because of how many people I know and work with that have names not exclusively used by men or women.

[-] njordomir@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I work with enough foreigners that I almost HAVE to do this since I rarely see them face to face and have no real indicators aside from their name. If your name is 20 characters long and 18 of them are consonants, I'm gonna use "they" at work, just to avoid any undue offense. So far, if someone had a problem with me it was because of my employer, not my own words or behavior.

[-] Creat@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 months ago

I assume op is English speaking, but just fyi this doesn't work in every language, would make things a lot simpler.

[-] head_socj@midwest.social 1 points 2 months ago
[-] witchybitchy@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

you'd use something like "person" to replace "guy" since "guy" is not a pronoun like he/she/they.

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[-] bizarroland@fedia.io 58 points 2 months ago

Probably wouldn't be a bad idea to do something along the lines of stating upfront that "if anyone in the company does anything to offend you, please report it to the appropriate channels. You'll have our full support. We're here to get work done, not to make people feel bad"

You're not likely going to say by accident something they haven't heard before, or to offend them in a new and novel way, But establishing and occasionally reinforcing the fact that they don't have to tolerate it, that putting up with abuse is not part of their job, and that they have the boss's backing at the same level of the non-LGBTQ employees should they find themselves being abused or offended, would probably go a decent way in minimizing the risk of something actually bad happening.

[-] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 55 points 2 months ago

"... and if I accidentally say or do something offensive, tell me and I'll try to learn better."

[-] Witchfire@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

This whole thread is very good

[-] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 2 months ago

please report it to the appropriate channels

Telling them that you personally will be there for them is really the only guarantee you can make without blindly relying on third parties to act with compassion. So telling them to come to you so that you can then together go through the rest of the process is imo the better idea. They can always choose to just ignore you, but making them go to some shitty HR office by themselves also sucks.

[-] Fleur_@aussie.zone 12 points 2 months ago

Well maybe only say this if it's true

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago

You’re not likely going to say by accident something they haven’t heard before, or to offend them in a new and novel way

Not OP, but you underestimate my foot in mouth capacity.

20 years ago, my sister was dating a jock. Real body builder type. Probably a bigger musclehead than most pro-wrestlers.

What I was trying to convay is that we should make a superhero costume for him to wear, and make a comic book out of it.

What was percieved instead is that he should run around town and suck everybodys nuts in his mouth for their approval.

I DARE you to try to connect how that came out so wrongly worded.

[-] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 41 points 2 months ago

Treat them like anyone else by default and make accommodations if you need to and it's reasonable.

You're asking with good intentions, but the best answer for any group will always be that. Shit, not even by groups. On a human by human basis just do that, there's a crazy amount of human variation and it's not always obvious.

[-] Pudutr0n@feddit.cl 28 points 2 months ago

This is not a comprehensive list, but you should probably avoid talking about your sex life.

[-] proper@lemmy.world 39 points 2 months ago

good advice for any workplace

[-] meco03211@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago
[-] magnetosphere@fedia.io 3 points 2 months ago

In that case, you’re just talking shop

[-] Pudutr0n@feddit.cl 3 points 2 months ago
[-] PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 5 points 2 months ago

But how can I impress people with my competitive qualities? I had fourteen sex last night, and before that I did four sets of three sex at a time.

I'm even the speedruns any% TAS WR holder at 3.19 seconds.

Do my colleagues not need to know about this???

[-] Pudutr0n@feddit.cl 1 points 2 months ago

You can mention it by asking about office etiquette on Lemmy.

[-] PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 2 points 2 months ago

Ah nice one cheers friend!

[-] cattywampas@lemm.ee 27 points 2 months ago

First of all, good for you for asking the question. I think many people are afraid to ask these things even if they want to be respectful and inclusive for fear of coming off as backward or ignorant, but I think asking questions in good faith shows that we're willing to listen and learn.

But most importantly, just treat them with the same respect you'd treat anyone else! Gender identity isn't really that big of a deal, and after you get to know some trans folks you'll come to that realization quickly that they're just regular people!

[-] Witchfire@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Im trans with over 10 years of experience in the industry

--

There's really not a lot to it. We just want a basic level of respect and empathy. Respect their chosen names and pronouns, and don't ask them random questions about being trans unless they're open to it. Trust them when/if they talk about their experiences, they know more about themselves than you do. Reassure them that their job is a safe space.

Happy to answer any questions.

Edit: if you slip up on name/pronouns, simply apologize, correct yourself, and move on. We know people aren't always trying to be malicious. Hell, my dad still slips up on my pronouns.

[-] kralk@lemm.ee 11 points 2 months ago

Im trans with over 10 years of experience in the industry

The... trans industry? How much does it pay?

[-] reptar@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

And in what currency?

[-] Artisian@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago

If you wanna go the extra mile, skimming an ally guide for 10 minutes, looking up some terminology and concepts, would reduce awkwardness by a fair bit. I certainly would have avoided a half dozen missteps if I did some reading.

[-] Mastersmacks@reddthat.com 6 points 2 months ago

This is super helpful, thank you!

[-] HappyTimeHarry@lemm.ee 10 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Im curious what could come off as a joke to you but would offend a trans person but not offend other (similarly aged) people.

If your joke might be offensive to anyone, its probably best to save it for outside of the workplace if you share it at all.

Not saying dont make any jokes, just that your jokes shouldn't be referencing someones gender or appearance or at the expense of someone else in general.

[-] stephen01king@lemmy.zip 6 points 2 months ago

Its impossible to know if your joke might be offensive to others when you live different lifestyles.

It's like telling people not to serve food that might be prohibited by the religion of one of their dinner guests when they have never interacted with the religion before.

What OP does here is trying to educate himself, which is the right move, in my opinion.

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[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 months ago

Generally, keep humor work related, and it'll be fine no matter who it is. Well, there's always that asshole that thinks you have to be a robot at work, but with that sort, it doesn't matter anyway.

Beyond that, either stay neutral with pronouns, or use those that a person introduces.

I promise you, just those two things are going to go a long way in establishing respect and camaraderie.

[-] sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 months ago

Humor is the big one. I would start thinking about the jokes that co-workers make, and if everybody would think they're funny. Not just trans folks, but any kind of joke that has a butt of the joke or a stereotype might be good to start getting away from.

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[-] shaggyb@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

If you struggle with pronouns, apologize casually when the pronouns come up.

As a fellow old, the kids don't seem to necessarily get it that my brain is wired pretty hard not to change pronouns, but they do seem to appreciate the effort and the discussion that it's a challenge rather than just fucking it up with no explanation.

Otherwise, be mindful that they take a lot of shit for parts of themselves that are background attributes for the rest of us. They can get pretty tired of it. A friendly person who regards them as just people may be the best thing they can get from anyone.

[-] Nikls94@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Since there already are a lot of good answers, do it like in Full Metal Jacket "I don’t look down on you if you’re x, y, z or something - you’re all equally worthless"

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tHxf17yJsKs&pp=ygUiZHJpbGwgaW5zdHJ1Y3RvciBmdWxsIG1ldGFsIGphY2tldA%3D%3D

[-] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Your job is to train them. They're people. You're a person. Just go with that

I think if you love as a person them you'll be good.

That's what I do and it's worked out pretty great!

[-] jawa22@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 months ago

Just treat them with respect like anyone else. There are 3 topics to avoid in any work place for anyone: religion, politics, and sex life. That's just a good general rule for all forced mixed company situations.

[-] aasatru@kbin.earth 7 points 2 months ago

Avoiding politics might be wise on some level, but by all means do talk about unionizing.

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[-] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Treat them like any other person. Their gender/identity should have absolutely zero impact on the ability to do their job. So you don't even need to ask this question. If you feel like you're walking on eggshells and scared of bringing up an offensive topic, then that's an issue with you, not with them. There's nothing that you say that should be offending them since it's absolutely irrelevant to work.

Regardless of who your coworkers are, topics like gender identity or politics should NEVER be discussed in the workplace. If you simply avoid engaging in those types of topics then you will be safe. Talking about those things at work is an absolute horrendous idea, regardless of who the coworkers are. Those convos don't belong in the workplace.

[-] JeSuisUnHombre@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago

I think some politics is healthy to talk about in certain work situations. Definitely not the red vs blue tribal nonsense, but discussing and understanding material conditions

[-] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

The only politics that should be discussed at work are policies that directly impact the business. For example, my company has many conversations and meetings around impacts from Trump's tariffs. No one gives an opinion on what their politics are. Not a single one. We discuss the impact on the business and how we can mitigate them. It ends there.

[-] JeSuisUnHombre@lemm.ee 7 points 2 months ago

I think many workplaces function better when workers are able to develop camaraderie by talking and joking about things that aren't strictly related to work

[-] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

There are plenty of other things to joke around and talk about, aside from politics.

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[-] howrar@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago

When someone starts complaining about what bathroom everyone is using, you can't just ignore it and hope it goes away. It's your job as their superior to address these issues.

Similarly,

Their gender/identity should have absolutely zero impact on the ability to do their job.

Making this stance clear requires talking about gender identity and politics.

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[-] zebidiah@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago

You're not a dick for getting someone's pronouns wrong... You're a dick if you intentionally and continuously misgender them on purpose.

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Well, I think it's of upmost importance to hire a private security firm to guard the bathrooms. Anyone entering or exiting those bathrooms will now be required to submit to a genital confirmation. We'll have tighter security on those bathrooms than TSA guarding the airports from unauthorized water bottles, and 2 inch pocket knifes.

Because as we all know, urinating into a toilet, surrounded by makeshift stall walls, can be the most offensive thing in the world if you don't share the same set of genitals as everyone else in the world! Especially since those stslls intentionally leave a gap, so we can spy on others as their peeing. That's how important these genitals in bathrooms are! Gotta follow all the correct protocol for emptying your bladder!

I say all this to say that yesterday I peed on a tree outside, and nobody gives a shit.

As for your coworkers? Just make a concentrated effort to remember what they prefer as their gender so you don't say "she" instead of "he".

The only one that confuses me is "they", but it's still refering to just one person. Luckily I don't know anyone like that, because that one I'm sure I'd constantly accidently fuck up.

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this post was submitted on 29 May 2025
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