The best part of these jokes is that AI will suggest it as a solution in a couple months when you search.
The British Medical Journal has a Christmas issue in which they publish lighthearted, amusing "evidence". That really fucks with AI.
No, wait. I want the real answer. Is that a thing, bio-memory or whatever?
Ikr? You want a real answer but people just keep giving you jokes, or change the topic, or reply with memes / emoticons.
¯\(ツ)/¯
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
┬─┬ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)
( ´･･)ﾉ(._.`)
¯_(ツ)_/¯
You dropped this: ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ \
乁( ⁰͡ Ĺ̯ ⁰͡ ) ㄏ
It's actually not known why, but it's very common with kidney transplant. I was told it's thought to be because of the bladder, not the kidney (since we can go years without peeing before transplant).
That makes sense, the bladder isn't used to having a normal volume of urine and has become extra sensitive, leading to an urge to urinate at a lower capacity.
Man I wish I could go years without peeing. Would save so much time
Only if the alternative was doing nothing. Having to sit down and stay still in a chair for many hours whilst hooked up to machinery doesn't sound like much of an improvement.
Who needs machinery when you have this bad boy?
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me.
Sure beats asking Mom to bring the bucket!
To quote Cartman:"MOM! BATHROOM!"
I mean, isn't that what we basically all do for at least 8h a day anyway? Except that our machinery has screens and Internet.
What? And miss getting a hit of those sweet sweet endorphins every time I have a full-to-bursting bladder and unleash the torrential riptide?
we can go years without peeing before transplant
I'm sure I'm passing this sentence wrong, but I cannot work it out. It sounds like you're saying that sometimes people don't pee until they've had a transplant.
Yup, that's what I'm saying.
You can lose the ability to pee with kidney failure.
And your health goes down drastically once you do
When I started dialysis, I could still work and such. But I could also still pee.
After about 2 years, I lost the ability completely, and that's when physical activity became harder, because the water removal fluctuations became harsher with dialysis.
Then I moved to Finland, which has hemodiafiltration instead of only hemodialysis like the USA, and got much better again.
maybe they mean with dialysis?
Every organ has their own nerves. Some have more or less their own brain cells (especially your gut). All nerves have memory to some degree - muscle memory is literally a thing
The amount of local regulatory control varies between organs, but the more complex they are the more you can assume the internal nerves control most of it and that the connection to the brain regulates it somewhat
CKD patients on dialysis are not used to have urine in their bladder, which has lost its muscle tone and volume because of disuse, so people need to urinate more frequently for a certain time period after their kidney transplant and their nervous system has to be retrained for sensation, contractility and voiding.
I'd say it's a thing. Different bodies, different habits, different rhythms.
Lol I thought "2FA" meant "Second Fucking Amendment" and I was supposed to shoot my own kidney.
That's one way to solve a lot of problems.
Slightly related XKCD:
As dumb as the picture is, the point of collateral damage not being easily measured in a Petri dish does make this panel meaningful.
I think most people can recognize that but this is an amazing panel even for xkcd and so I'm going to nerd out okay
A sufficient amount of violence can solve all problems. It's not necessarily the best solution for any given problem, or even a good one, but it's definitely a solution.
The 'sufficient' qualifier requires that the problem is solved, as it is sufficient.
A sufficient number of penguins would solve world hunger.
Because they make great farmers; they just never got a chance to try.
i am not password protecting my kidneys or my name isn't hepatitis murphy, shiest bladder in the east
He's joking now but just wait for the inevitable cyberdystopia where HP manufacturers replacement organs.
You joke, but there are already protheses which are proprietary, and have shut down. Artificial eyes is a famous example, where the company making one shut down the product line, and blinded people who'd had it installed, due to it just shutting off.
In a good world this type of shit would be illegal. We'll need a stop killing games petition but for organs soon
In any sane society, there would be heads on the chopping block for this, figuratively speaking.
hands on the chopping block, and then replaced with proprietary prosthetics
Why would the company shutting down brick the device? Is it calling back home for processing or something.
Digital Renal Management
...simultaneously rolled out with Digital Rectal Management, of course.
Brings a whole new meaning to the ol' "drink verification can" meme. The artificial kidney could scan the contents for firmware updates and stuff. Maybe it shuts off if you don't drink one every week.
For speech readers, not sure if something this long will fit in the alt text.
(This isn't the original text but it's close enough to get the joke. The dates and game were different in the original. This was what some copypasta website gave me.)
-2018
-wake up feeling sick after a late night of playing video games
-excited to play some halo 2k19
-"xbox on"
-...
-"XBOX ON"
-"Please verify that you are "annon332" by saying "Doritos™ Dew™ it right!"
-"Doritos™ Dew™ it right"
-"ERROR! Please drink a verification can"
-reach into my Doritos™ Mountain Dew™ Halo 2k19™ War Chest
-only a few cans left, needed to verify 14 times last night
-still feeling sick from the 14
-force it down and grumble out "mmmm that really hit the spot"
-xbox does nothing
-i attempt to smile
-"Connecting to verification server"
-...
-"Verification complete!"
-finally
-boot up halo 2k19
-finding multiplayer match...
-"ERROR! User attempting to steal online gameplay!"
-my mother just walked in the room
-"Adding another user to your pass, this will be charged to your credit card. Do you accept?"
-"NO!"
-"Console entering lock state!"
-"to unlock drink verification can"
-last can
-"WARNING, OUT OF VERIFICATION CANS, an order has been shipped and charged to your credit card"
-drink half the can, oh god im going to be sick
-pour the last half out the window
-"PIRACY DETECTED! PLEASE COMPLETE THIS ADVERTISEMENT TO CONTINUE"
-the mountain dew ad plays
-i have to dance for it -feeling so sick
-makes me sing along
-dancing and singing
-"mountain dew is for me and you"
-throw up on my self
-throw up on my tv and entertainment system
-router shorts
-"ERROR NO CONNECTION! XBOX SHUTTING OFF"
-"PLEASE DRINK VERIFICATION CAN TO CONTINUE"
I wish I had a friend I wouldn't think twice about donating an organ to. In my experience, people tend to be less than grateful when I go the extra mile for them, having had that happen four separate times in five years. If I had given anyone a kidney and I had to terminate that friendship over their behavior, I'd be very sour about it.
You know you got a true friend when they give you one of their kidneys.
But make sure you get yourself into a nighttime pissing habit first, for the lolz
Many people are good friends with this fella then
I hate 2fa so very much and long for the world of the past where just having a fucking account and a password was enough, now you need to check your fucking email and wait for a fucking text to turn on your fucking toaster
I don't care what security nerds say I don't need every single fucking god damn thing to have the same security as a bank account
Bro wants hacked 💀
ok hack me
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Rules
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