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I’ve been seeing this more and more in comments, and it’s got me wondering just how big this issue really is. A lot of people feel trapped in apps like Discord, WhatsApp, and Instagram, but can’t get their friends to leave.

It’s really annoying when you suggest trying something new, whether it’s a different app or just not using these platforms so much but sometimes it can feel like no one wants to go first.

So I’m curious, what apps do you feel most trapped in? And have you tried convincing your friends to leave them? What happened? Is it an issue for you, or are you just going along with the flow?

Looking forward to hearing if this is as common as it feels!

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[-] shades@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago

So like, this is always seemingly done from a content CONSUMER point of view.

How can we provide content creators a safety net whom we as fans enjoy their content but said artists need to have their name and face out in the open? Particularly music artists/DJs/independent artists/etc?

I swear, anyone wanting privacy, just start calling yourself an artist and boom suddenly nobody can find any information about you! You don't even have to be serious about it, just take a crayola to a bar napkin... /s

[-] doingthestuff@lemy.lol 12 points 2 days ago

So just use something different yourself. Then ask your friends to communicate with you there. You don't need them to quit the old, you need to ask them to use something new.

[-] obsoleteacct@lemmy.zip 9 points 2 days ago

Get their parents to sign up. Feels like grannies sharing minion memes and Bible verses was the end of facebook's cool era.

[-] shades@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago

Only Grandmas

[-] icelimit@lemmy.ml 12 points 2 days ago

"privacy? Yeah whatever, they just use it to catch bad people right? I have nothing to hide. I don't have the time to learn all this VPN stuff. Don't forget to like my posts!"

[-] shades@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago

Don’t forget to like my posts!”

FBI Likes This

[-] SupremeDonut@lemmy.ml 15 points 3 days ago

People don't typically like change. It has to feel like it's their decision to drive them there.

[-] Omer_Ash@lemmy.world 136 points 4 days ago

It's Facebook Messenger and Whatsapp for me. I ditched the Facebook app a long time ago, but Messenger and Whatsapp remain on my device because no one wants to leave them. I try to keep my chats there as superficial as possible.

Also, this is my first comment ever on Lemmy, so hi everyone!

[-] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 50 points 4 days ago

Welcome. A reminder for in case you don't know, if it starts to feel stale, then it's probably because of your viewing settings. If you switch it from Active (ironically, the least active), to Hot, 6 hours, Scaled, etc. after you've gone through all of the new to you posts, you'll see a lot more action.

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[-] Pringles@sopuli.xyz 34 points 4 days ago

All your chat history has been published to the fediverse now. Welcome to Lemmy.

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[-] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 7 points 2 days ago

People will still use discord even if it got entirely banned, there just isn't a good alternative now that is clear

[-] VoxAliorum@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 days ago

Not federated but a pretty good alternative coming up with Revolt - still has a good way to go though.

[-] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 1 points 1 day ago

Revolt would be good, but they lack screen share, that really was the only reason why we didn't keep using it

[-] VoxAliorum@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

they lack screen share

While they do lack screen share, it is in active development. See https://github.com/revoltchat/backend/issues/313 I am not a dev of revolt.

[-] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

Interesting.

What’s the catch? Is it all self hosted? If not, where’s the hosting cash coming from?

[-] VoxAliorum@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I can't say for sure, but see this answer from 2022: https://github.com/orgs/revoltchat/discussions/309?utm_source=chatgpt.com#discussioncomment-2232628

currently we are running on donations which we have plenty of

[-] mygoodsir@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 days ago

Lol, what because you tried Matrix and it SUCKS on both client and server?

XMPP can have a whole ass facebook app built inside it called Movim and it can be accessed from any "homeserver". It can be far more than Discord will ever want to be, if the cats can be herded

If you don't use Matrix well I guess bc it's ubiquitous among squishy Linux and leftist communities for some godawful reason despite being Israeli-developed, US state dept funded, and idiot-maintained. They even have a slot for it on these lemmy accounts

[-] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 1 points 1 day ago

You talk like a prick

I'm still on Discord because everyone else is there. I've moved my direct social connections, so most of the things I'd use Discord dms for on a daily basis, over to dedicated direct messaging services, but communities are so much harder to move over. You can't shuffle between a hundred and a thousand people over to another platform unless somehow most of the groups they're in move over at once.

And to what? Matrix communities are not as convenient, Revolt's voice chats are not as good and screen sharing wasn't a thing at all last I checked and it doesn't have a mobile client, and TeamSpeak is primarily voice-based.

[-] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

SonoBus is utterly awesome for voice chat, specifically, unless it’s one of those ridiculous 50+ people rooms.

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[-] spectraxil@lemmy.ml 20 points 3 days ago

It's because our marketing sucks. People don't care about their privacy, they like what is cool. So what does that mean? It mean we gotta make using open source app so cool that people can't help but join because all the cool kids are here. You feel me? Preaching alone is not enough although it will benefit all of us

[-] duckworthy@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 days ago

People can’t be convinced of anything, it’s a losing battle to try. The only way to get people to change is to live a certain way and if people admire it, then they ask you about it and you share.

So for example-I’m a minimalist and I really wished my sister would declutter because her place is overcrowded. But instead of trying to convince her, I just shared what my life normally was like. Eventually she asked me for help decluttering, and she felt a lot better about what I helped with. Now we share cleaning and organization tips.

For me, I just put in my insta bio I left for Pixelfed and to come friend me there.

I’ve told my friends I’m off insta because I’d rather be on a platform where I control my feed that’s ad free. And that I rarely see my friends content on insta so it doesn’t matter that much to me to have friends on there. If they get interested, great if not, I’m still happy.

[-] Zak@lemmy.world 69 points 4 days ago

Asking people to leave things means they're losing a line of communication to friends, family, and interest groups who still use those things. It's probably more productive to ask people to add the services you prefer rather than leave the ones they're used to.

I've encountered some resistance from Americans who use iPhones and hate the idea of adding a third-party messaging app. None of them seem very interested in justifying that position.

[-] TimLovesTech@badatbeing.social 32 points 4 days ago

Companies like Apple spent a lot to create a switching cost in almost every product. The "bubble" color is also a HUGE thing in the US, and is often times the sole reason for not wanting to leave iMessage.

[-] Ulrich@feddit.org 26 points 4 days ago

It's not the bubble color. It's what the bubble color signifies. ie: no rich communication services, no high quality video or audio calls, no stickers, no videos, low quality images, etc.

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[-] Lettuceeatlettuce@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 days ago

Discord for me. A bunch of my family and friends are avid gamers. Discord is the universal standard app they all use for general communication.

Not only do they use it for all their gaming related stuff, they have additional servers and channels for just chilling, chatting, off topic stuff, memes, politics, etc etc.

It's the network effect. Even if there was an open source app that perfectly replicated all the functionality of Discord and was just as simple to install and run as Discord, most of them still wouldn't switch to it, because all of their friends and family are still on Discord.

So they would have to have two completely separate apps with totally separate social groups to maintain, and nobody but hardcore advocates for FOSS and privacy are willing to do that.

Sure, I have Discord, Matrix, IRC, Signal, XMPP clients, and a Private Mumble server, all on my systems, but I'm hardcore about FOSS. None of my friends and family are willing to do that. It took all my energy to convince two of my most techie friends just to get Signal on their phones. And only One has been willing to install a Matrix client to chat just with me.

[-] njm1314@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago

I just cannot fathom how people use discord to communicate. Maybe if it's a very small group like ten people tops. But anything bigger? Seems like chaos.

[-] vithigar@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 days ago

That's not a complaint specific to discord though. You just don't like large chatrooms.

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[-] mrdown@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago

Probably the idea of "all my other friends are on the mainstream platform so why would i move to another platform specifically for you?"

[-] Goldmaster@lemmy.ml 43 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Networking effect

People use whatever is most popular even if its the shittest thing such as Facebook.

Only time people will care is when it personally and tangibly affects them.

For Facebook/whatsapp watomatic can be used to remind people you are leaving or such.

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[-] Broken@lemmy.ml 11 points 3 days ago

SMS

Nobody wants to use a messaging app at all. At this point I'd rather be stuck on WhatsApp. But its all family. Big family and try to get them to agree on anything is like pulling teeth.

I even sent everybody a "contact card" I made with my links to signal, simplex, and even whatsapp (figuring that's the path of least resistance) saying I'd prefer to communicate on any of those apps. ZERO people changed nor did they even ask about it, options, or my reasoning.

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[-] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 4 points 3 days ago

People don't just stop using an app until there's very little activity.

Getting people to use a new app, especially one they have little activity on is inconvenient, especially if you're already checking WhatsApp, wechat, signal, telegram, LINE, Zalo, and discord because you have to many different friend groups.

[-] LoafedBurrito@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago

Comfort and scared of change. The dopamine these sites give you is close to sex for some people as weird as it sounds. So if you tell them to stop using Instagram, they can't process that and simply say no.

This is just part of human nature. Some of us are able to say "hey this website is run by horrible people and I refuse to support it." We leave and find other options and help them grow. We are in the minority.

Most people simply do not want to try something everyone else doesn't use cause they don't want to seem weird. Stupid societal norms.

[-] Paddy66@lemmy.ml 7 points 3 days ago

Threaten them with having to communicate with you using email - they'll install Signal 😂

[-] manuallybreathing@lemmy.ml 10 points 3 days ago

I ditched meta platforms entirely for signal in 2019, lets say I dont have many close friends anymore haha, my social life is kaput, even my work groupchat is on facebook

[-] yogthos@lemmy.ml 9 points 3 days ago

It's network effects. People have other friends on the network who have their own friends on the network, and so on. Leaving the network means convincing a critical mass of your network to leave along with you.

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[-] NoodlePoint@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Because their other friends are on them, and the celebrities they follow.

[-] geneva_convenience@lemmy.ml 9 points 3 days ago

Because people keep pushing for them to completely leave a platform.

Instead try to get them to dual-use platforms.

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[-] procapra@lemmy.ml 16 points 4 days ago

I less have an issue with people getting trapped in software they understand is insecure, and more with people who will push shit like telegram and pretend its the most private and secure thing ever invented. If they want to use discord, sure, fine with me. As long as they know not to do their activist work on discord I'm fine with it. People doing activist work/planning over telegram will never make me not cringe.

Signal isn't something I personally want to use, but its tolerable, and it was doing a good job of replacing telegram in activist spaces I felt, but I've recently seen a few different groups using telegram again because they don't trust signal.

xmpp with omemo is what I wish I could get people to use but uh, well, that just will never happen.

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[-] pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 4 days ago

Discord is a hard one because it has some uniqueness to it.

It has bots, text channels, voice channels, and hundreds of thousands of people can join it if you need to.

A lot of my college clubs use it and there are a few thousand students in our biggest ones

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this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2025
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Privacy

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