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Quick! You must—
I don't wanna be your enemy 😁
Don't worry, I am already my own worst enemy!
Mine Bitcoin. Hold.
You buy 5 bitcoins for $450 each in 2016. It's what you can afford. You sell them for $10,000 each in 2018, timing it decently just before a bigger drop.
Congrats on your $48k.
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Don't preorder Cyberpunk.
I've never understood why anyone would pre-order anything digital. Were you afraid they would run out?
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It gets worse
Do not piss
Transgender, AuDHD, (secret third thing. Or maybe just bitcoin)
..I'm sure my 18 year old ass would process this information in a calm and reasonable manner, lol
Sell Bitcoin 2025
This tells myself to first buy Bitcoin so I have some to sell. Then gives me the year it was at the highest peak. By then I'll be intrigued and will be paying attention. I may not hit exactly March which was the highest point but I'll still be much better off.
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You’re a bottom.
won't get better
Cherish them more.
Buy Google
Edit- I remember telling my dad this; it occurs to me now he may not have had the liquid funds to invest that I at the time assumed he did
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'Read this book' as I hand him a guidebook for the next decade or two.
Don't marry Sarah!
Drink more Ovaltine!
Buy Apple Stock
Stop lifting weights. Your childhood injury will flare up and ruin your life for a couple years.
Also you'll forget how to count words
invest in bitcoin!!!!!!!
"you're a girl"
Brush teeth more
Won't get better.
Let's see...
don't sell bitcoin
don't sell doge
don't buy restaurant
don't date XYZ
don't date ABC
don't buy restaurant
don't quit place
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Learn women's perspectives
Start depression medication
You do fine
This is a cute exercise in lateral thinking and all but will past me know that it is future me talking? Won't matter what the fuck I say otherwise, the little shit won't be listening to any authority figures.
Don't do it
You need therapy.
I can't figure out how to prevent 9/11 in 3 words. So, I'll just say "Programming Language: Haskell".
Why?
I wish I learned the lessons from that language 12 years earlier than I did. I still prefer to write personal code in that family of languages, and it made me a better coder even in Java, JavaScript, Python, even C.
Also, that year is actually the first year it was available and my first year in college; it might have focused me enough to actually go to grad school and start a PL research career. I don't know if that would be better, but it would be different.
The people calling out BTC is also a pretty good idea, but I made a little money on BTC, and I'm not sure too much more money would be a positive change in my life. It could be, but I think it might have made me more covetous and more isolated.
But, I often choose to program instead of playing video games these days, so it's clearly something I enjoy, even if I don't currently monetize it.
Thanks for asking.
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this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2026
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