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Tom Crooks, welcome to the BRICs resistance.

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[-] VILenin@hexbear.net 45 points 4 months ago

Quick, a national event we can capitalize on, publish the Iran hit piece! Don’t forget to change out all the placeholders!

[-] combat_brandonism@hexbear.net 13 points 4 months ago

fr, this is textbook limited hangout

[-] TheModerateTankie@hexbear.net 34 points 4 months ago

Did the secret service force everyone to toss their garbage on the ground, or is it just customary in that part of the country?

[-] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 29 points 4 months ago

getting maybe shot because of fascist infighting at your fascist rally is still no excuse for littering

[-] Balefirex@hexbear.net 18 points 4 months ago

this but unironically, I'd def be clutching my trash until death

[-] Justice@lemmygrad.ml 11 points 4 months ago

FBI shows up a few days afterwards. Loud pounding on your door. "OPEN UP!" poundpoundpound "FBI, OPEN UP!"

You open the door, slightly pissed at the hinge rattling pounding

"Yeah? Wha-"

The most Agent Smith, clean shaven, shiny faced man ever shoves a beer can and dirt-covered, dried up cup of what appears to have been fries with ketchup at your face.

"Sir! Shut the fuck up. Protip, asswipe- your day just got fucked. We might be the FB-fucking-I, we might occasionally assassinate popular political figures and frame Muslim kids on bullshit charges, but one thing we absolutely do not fuck around with is people who have no respect for public places!"

"I... wha-!"

"I said shut the fuck up once already. Put your fucking- you turn your ass around right now, hands behind your back"

You start turning and are standing in the doorway while his partner cuffs you.

Agent Smith sweeps the inside of your apartment quickly with his eyes.

"I hate scum like yo- what. What the fuck is that? Why... Jesus Christ, man! Why do you have wrappers and pizza boxes strewn about your living space?! Are you a fucking animal!?"

"N-no, I just live alone an-and-"

"Mother of Mary, mother of our Lord...is... are you mixing your recyclables with the regular trash???

You know what?! he looks around, feigning fright "HELP I NEED BACKUP! HE'S RESISTI- THE SUSPECT JUST REACHED FOR MY GUN!" You saw that, right?"

"Sure did, sir."

"Wh-what the-"

poppop


And that's why you don't litter.

[-] pumpchilienthusiast@hexbear.net 2 points 4 months ago

GENE PARMESAN!!!!

[-] chungusamonugs@hexbear.net 8 points 4 months ago

Would've done it regardless. Chuds love to litter. They like to kill the environment and they like the idea of a poor person having to clean up after them.

[-] Facky@hexbear.net 31 points 4 months ago

And yet they still let him get shot?

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 38 points 4 months ago

To be fair, it was really hot on that day and they were hungover so no one was really on their A-Game.

[-] BobDole@hexbear.net 32 points 4 months ago

hungover

Ah, so it was Havana Syndrome

[-] duderium@hexbear.net 24 points 4 months ago

Yeah, havana couple beers.

[-] SpiderFarmer@hexbear.net 6 points 4 months ago

Ah, the JFK Special.

[-] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 26 points 4 months ago

My Big Wet President 2: Soleimani's Revenge

coming to a rally near you this summer

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 16 points 4 months ago

You come for my president you best not miss soviet-huff

[-] LocalOaf@hexbear.net 17 points 4 months ago

trump-who-must-go magic-conch-shell biderman

"I'm putting a team together. We have the best heroes, don't we folks?"

[-] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 21 points 4 months ago

The Iranians had to choose between Trump, Spiderman, and Spongebob

[-] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 11 points 4 months ago

The FBI is going to soon provide intel that the shooter went to a small house party held by a friend of a friend of a friend and he spoke to an attractive Iranian girl for up to 60 seconds.

this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2024
78 points (98.8% liked)

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