78
Quick, a national event we can capitalize on, publish the Iran hit piece! Don’t forget to change out all the placeholders!
fr, this is textbook limited hangout
Did the secret service force everyone to toss their garbage on the ground, or is it just customary in that part of the country?
getting maybe shot because of fascist infighting at your fascist rally is still no excuse for littering
this but unironically, I'd def be clutching my trash until death
FBI shows up a few days afterwards. Loud pounding on your door. "OPEN UP!" poundpoundpound "FBI, OPEN UP!"
You open the door, slightly pissed at the hinge rattling pounding
"Yeah? Wha-"
The most Agent Smith, clean shaven, shiny faced man ever shoves a beer can and dirt-covered, dried up cup of what appears to have been fries with ketchup at your face.
"Sir! Shut the fuck up. Protip, asswipe- your day just got fucked. We might be the FB-fucking-I, we might occasionally assassinate popular political figures and frame Muslim kids on bullshit charges, but one thing we absolutely do not fuck around with is people who have no respect for public places!"
"I... wha-!"
"I said shut the fuck up once already. Put your fucking- you turn your ass around right now, hands behind your back"
You start turning and are standing in the doorway while his partner cuffs you.
Agent Smith sweeps the inside of your apartment quickly with his eyes.
"I hate scum like yo- what. What the fuck is that? Why... Jesus Christ, man! Why do you have wrappers and pizza boxes strewn about your living space?! Are you a fucking animal!?"
"N-no, I just live alone an-and-"
"Mother of Mary, mother of our Lord...is... are you mixing your recyclables with the regular trash???
You know what?! he looks around, feigning fright "HELP I NEED BACKUP! HE'S RESISTI- THE SUSPECT JUST REACHED FOR MY GUN!" You saw that, right?"
"Sure did, sir."
"Wh-what the-"
poppop
And that's why you don't litter.
GENE PARMESAN!!!!
Would've done it regardless. Chuds love to litter. They like to kill the environment and they like the idea of a poor person having to clean up after them.
And yet they still let him get shot?
To be fair, it was really hot on that day and they were hungover so no one was really on their A-Game.
hungover
Ah, so it was Havana Syndrome
Yeah, havana couple beers.
Ah, the JFK Special.
My Big Wet President 2: Soleimani's Revenge
coming to a rally near you this summer
You come for my president you best not miss 
"I'm putting a team together. We have the best heroes, don't we folks?"
The Iranians had to choose between Trump, Spiderman, and Spongebob
The FBI is going to soon provide intel that the shooter went to a small house party held by a friend of a friend of a friend and he spoke to an attractive Iranian girl for up to 60 seconds.
this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2024
78 points (98.8% liked)
news
24538 readers
456 users here now
Welcome to c/news! We aim to foster a book-club type environment for discussion and critical analysis of the news. Our policy objectives are:
-
To learn about and discuss meaningful news, analysis and perspectives from around the world, with a focus on news outside the Anglosphere and beyond what is normally seen in corporate media (e.g. anti-imperialist, anti-Zionist, Marxist, Indigenous, LGBTQ, people of colour).
-
To encourage community members to contribute commentary and for others to thoughtfully engage with this material.
-
To support healthy and good faith discussion as comrades, sharpening our analytical skills and helping one another better understand geopolitics.
We ask community members to appreciate the uncertainty inherent in critical analysis of current events, the need to constantly learn, and take part in the community with humility. None of us are the One True Leftist, not even you, the reader.
Newcomm and Newsmega Rules:
The Hexbear Code of Conduct and Terms of Service apply here.
-
Link titles: Please use informative link titles. Overly editorialized titles, particularly if they link to opinion pieces, may get your post removed.
-
Content warnings: Posts on the newscomm and top-level replies on the newsmega should use content warnings appropriately. Please be thoughtful about wording and triggers when describing awful things in post titles.
-
Fake news: No fake news posts ever, including April 1st. Deliberate fake news posting is a bannable offense. If you mistakenly post fake news the mod team may ask you to delete/modify the post or we may delete it ourselves.
-
Link sources: All posts must include a link to their source. Screenshots are fine IF you include the link in the post body. If you are citing a Twitter post as news, please include the Xcancel.com (or another Nitter instance) or at least strip out identifier information from the twitter link. There is also a Firefox extension that can redirect Twitter links to a Nitter instance, such as Libredirect or archive them as you would any other reactionary source.
-
Archive sites: We highly encourage use of non-paywalled archive sites (i.e. archive.is, web.archive.org, ghostarchive.org) so that links are widely accessible to the community and so that reactionary sources don’t derive data/ad revenue from Hexbear users. If you see a link without an archive link, please archive it yourself and add it to the thread, ask the OP to fix it, or report to mods. Including text of articles in threads is welcome.
-
Low effort material: Avoid memes/jokes/shitposts in newscomm posts and top-level replies to the newsmega. This kind of content is OK in post replies and in newsmega sub-threads. We encourage the community to balance their contribution of low effort material with effort posts, links to real news/analysis, and meaningful engagement with material posted in the community.
-
American politics: Discussion and effort posts on the (potential) material impacts of American electoral politics is welcome, but the never-ending circus of American Politics© Brought to You by Mountain Dew™ is not welcome. This refers to polling, pundit reactions, electoral horse races, rumors of who might run, etc.
-
Electoralism: Please try to avoid struggle sessions about the value of voting/taking part in the electoral system in the West. c/electoralism is right over there.
-
AI Slop: Don't post AI generated content. Posts about AI race/chip wars/data centers are fine.
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS