I’m curious what you mean by dating? Because I think the expectations shift slightly once it’s an official relationship. I do find it unfair though when partners expect a 180 degree change.

Anyway you sound like a cat - https://www.huffpost.com/archive/ca/entry/are-you-a-cat-or-a-dog-in-relationships_b_6832072/amp

I think different people have different contact needs and it will be easier if you and your partner align.

This is the personal story part:

I’ve felt suffocated by previous partners - the daily good mornings and good nights felt like checking in on a mobile app game.

It’s not like I disliked or didn’t prioritise them, I am dating them after all. Most likely just a mismatch and lack of compatibility. My friends weren’t helpful either with their “aww he’s so sweet, I wish my partner was that affectionate”.

Right now I’m with someone whose level of contact matches mine and honestly it’s the best and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I never ever thought such smooth sailing was possible.

I used to say relationships are work and effort but we’ve been coasting so far. Touch wood, maybe we’re just very compatible :)

I feel like a lot of finding a similar person is down to luck, so I hope you’ll find your person soon! If you’re with someone that has similar values and ways of dealing, communication will just naturally be easier. :)

Don't have a partner atm, but if I am dating someone, I don't mind checking in a couple of times a day, but two things:

• my partner shouldn't expect me to reply immediately.
• checking in should be for a reason (ex: you come across a silly dad joke and you want to share), for instance the daily good morning/good night would eventually feel like a chore to me in the long run, like a list of things you need to tick off on a checklist.

Depends on what the couple is comfortable with, no? It's not a consistent thing I think, there are times when once every few days are good enough, and sometimes it could be every day. The key I think is communication and the couple's expectations in the relationship. If we're on the same page, it shouldn't feel like a chore. My gf and I wish each other good morning and good night every day, it's a simple loving gesture that we show each other. And it takes no more than 1 minute anyway, surely our s/o is important enough to spare a minute a day. Anything that happens in between is flexible. We still have our own obligations to attend to, and not everyone feels like talking all the time, as long as we communicate beforehand, that's fine already.

What are you seeking out of a relationship? I can't really wrap around my head a relationship that can go on days without checking in. Feels like you're still very much talking about relos long-distance style, or also possibly living apart.

I mean, if you guys lived together, talking once a couple of days would be a problem, me thinks, haha ^^"

I think it's cute to wear matching outfits when they're like seniors though, no?? xD

I don't know, "check in" sounds so.. I don't know. Almost formal and separated. Of course, in my head I'm thinking these two people are living together. If they were, it's natural to ask "want chinese for dinner?" stuff like that. I don't know if that's called checking in though. It's only natural to communicate your day to day stuff.

If living apart though.. probably once daily on a minimum, yeah. But not like "what you had for lunch" coz i mean who cares right, after 1242342 lunches. But I do think anything less than that, relo is probably not a priority for them at that point. It shouldn't feel like work. Aaaaaaaand if you need so much private space that you need to lock everyone out including someone you're supposed to love.. that just means that your work/life is out of whack... but I suspect you know that. :x

How often do you like to check in with your partner?

Daily at the bare minimum. I check in with my close friends daily, would be very strange if I only messaged my partners once a week or every 3 days. Too much would be maybe every hour?

I do think good morning/good night messages are kind of creepy and excessive but I wouldnt be against wearing matching outfits just to annoy people :)>___

i am someone that demands a fair bit of personal and emotional space but even then I say good morning/night every single day to my partner. I only found out through this thread that people don't do it and find it cringe and burdensome? never felt like a chore for me personally.

i also personally think "checking in" with your partner every couple days is too little, I might as well not be in a relationship... at one point you would be settling down with them and will have to tolerate their physical presence in your own space, ie. intimacy no? unless people don't want a long term relationship? in that case i'm certain there's more casual arrangement...? but with this kind of arrangement checking in is not needed methinks?

obviously go with your own flow, different people have different appetite and willingness when it comes to contacts, but i personally consider it as "wireless quality time". The fact that we live apart, and only see each other 2-3 times per week, i deffo don't mind spending less than a dozen minutes out of my day to text the other half. Sometimes it is the only "escape" i have from all the BS everyday life throw at me and for me that's a peace of mind that i would rather sacrifice a dozen minutes of my time per day for