Married nyets: how soon did you guys move in together? (self.malaysian_dating)

submitted 1 year ago by hyattpotter to c/malaysian_dating

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And to single nyets, are you in the "move-in together as soon as you can afford to" camp, or "delay it even when you already can coz reasons" camp?

Living habits play a huge role in cohabitating happily in the long term personally. Having fun and enjoying each other's company won't have much mileage if you can't stand each other's living habits!

For some, you may live together way longer than you'd be in love with each other even >.>

Sharing a home together also gives you an idea on how responsible, proactive, clean and how well they manage and balance chores, duties, and time together. In my (limited) experience, most people who has never lived on their own, generally do not take the initiative or have the know how to fix, improve and maintain a house. I suppose that's not important for some.. but for me who's always taken care of her own space and prioritises on efficiency, I have my way of doing things and living together first can help us optimise ourselves to each other, or it can also highlight just how incompatible we might be. If anything, I'd say this is just as important to a relationship as any, if not the most.

So, for you non-single nyets: any inputs? How soon did you guys move in?

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[-] port888 4 points 1 year ago

It's a no brainer for cohabitation to happen before even hatching the idea to get married. Aside from surfacing red flags, it can also help convince that the partner is the right one. The couple must experience and resolve a major conflict in a cohabitation environment, otherwise they will forever be beholden to sunk cost fallacy (where one side unwillingly concedes "because already married and don't want to break"). You must understand what you're getting into, and cohabitation is the only way.

[-] imademo 3 points 1 year ago

not in a relationship, still with parents because cheaper and fully remote job. even if i were in one, born in a certain M race so that would be an issue.

[-] hyattpotter 1 points 1 year ago

move in to predominantly non-muslim area

I mean, I wonder if the bangsar bubble people get reported at all if any?

[-] imademo 1 points 1 year ago

no idea. dont feel like risking it plus bangsar rent is high from what ive heard. maybe once i get a better job since i am getting called by recruiters weekly. after that its a matter of finding someone. pretty confident with my looks from past experiences but dont think im considered attractive to an amoi i guess haha

[-] mrpokealot 3 points 1 year ago

Definitely in the “move-in together as soon as you can afford to”. I think most single people want to be out of their parents house as soon as possible, aside from the reasons you've already mentioned. Living with someone is probably one of the biggest shit tests you can give someone. It's how we learn what we can and cannot accept from a house partner.

[-] dukeGR4 1 points 1 year ago

probably depends where you live, i'm from country town, guys and gals do not usually move out from parents until after marriage. most traditional families you will even see that the married couple live together with the father's side, tribal in a sense. most of my newly wed friends are like that too, very little pressure to move out.

my american uncle in law was a bit shocked to hear that we have such culture here, cause he was essentially kicked out of the house the moment he turned 18...

[-] mrpokealot 1 points 1 year ago

Let me rephrase then. I desperately want to move out of my parents house.

[-] dukeGR4 1 points 1 year ago

haha, fair enough more freedom.

[-] mrpokealot 2 points 1 year ago

I need my own space la. Tak tahan my mother who's constantly being controlling and my father who refuses to do anything himself. Want to cekik them sometimes.

[-] dcx 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'm a huge believer in moving in together before marriage if at all possible. Would strongly strongly recommend. I had an experience many years ago with this, where I learned my partner and I worked great up to that level but not beyond it. Thank GOD we didn't get married before finding out.

Lots of people have that story where you have a friend you really like, and then you become roommates and they make you crazy. Imagine that but it's for life and also you make a kid with them so you're sorta trapped. Why would you put yourself through that without a trial period???

[-] hyattpotter 1 points 1 year ago

IKR???? It's so AVOIDABLE.

I wonder if it's like a big romantic gesture to some people like "I will love her no matter what" sorta deal.

Also, apparently "common sense" is not universal. Guys don't learn that the hard way bruh.. I can't stress enough how we should move in first and if not, just take a one week holiday at the very least, and plan it together. That's another can of worms if got... xD

[-] rakyat 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Haha reminds me of a couple I know who never lived together for the 8 or 9 years they were together, went for a long trip to Europe together, and broke up right after…

Poor lady wasted so much youthful years on the rel.

[-] hyattpotter 1 points 1 year ago

listen to wise unker hyatt

[-] IkanCelupTepung 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

As a Malay I'm curious on how is it knowing your partner like living together only after marriage. Do some of them have second thoughts.

Also would prefer to move in together with my partner I think it is how you know the person more before marriage. As for how long before moving in, for me maybe after almost a year or after.

But if inviting over could happen much more earlier.

[-] dukeGR4 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

maybe try inviting over first to see if you like it?

i've had too many failed relationships and now i want to try out moving in with my current partner before getting married. not sure, just more risk-adverse now.

i have a Hong Kong couple friend, what they did was moving into a house, splitting the rent and sleep in separate rooms. my partner and I thought it was hilarious then it dawned on us that it's the most genius thing and truly the best of both worlds cause you technically live with the partner but you also have your own space.

[-] rakyat 2 points 1 year ago

By the time me and my wife sign the paper, we’ve been living together for like 5 years maybe?

[-] hyattpotter 1 points 1 year ago

Do you think that helped in any to form the decision to say she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?

[-] rakyat 2 points 1 year ago

Yeah I’d say so. Of course on the flip side, if we aren’t compatible, we would have found out and parted ways before marriage too.

this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2023

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