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this post was submitted on 31 Jan 2024
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"Return to the office."
Uh... There aren't actually enough facilities here at the office because you downsized after the pandemic.
"Return to the office now."
Ok, can I get a dedicated seat so I don't have to adjust my monitor for 10 minutes every time I come in?
"No, there aren't enough seats for everyone to have one."
Oh....ok....
My work literally has people in the cafeteria and food courts with their laptops because we don’t have enough seats for everyone.
That will help foster a sense of community and teamwork. Thank you for your attention. Please return to your cafeteria seat.
Sincerely,
Your Manager
It’s funny because I know you don’t work at my company but those are word for word the messages we get constantly as we continue to lose IT people and specialists
PS. We've been receiving noise complaints from employees with offices near the cafeteria, outside of lunch hours. Please keep the noise in that area to a minimum out of respect for your peers.
We are getting ready to have to RTO next week. Buy every single person on my team was hired after the company went fully remote and only 4 of us out of 14 are near an office to return to. So, we get to drive in rush hour traffic there and back, not have enough seats/monitors and may not get to be near our team members that ARE there. And, regardless, till have to be on Teams calls all day because the majority of our team is is spread out across the country and internationally.
They won't even have the cafeteria operational yet, no immediate plans to do so either, nor is it big enough to seat everyone. They will have one coffee shop that they have assured us "serves lunch items", but we'll have ~1000 people in the building trying to get lunch and i've never seen a coffee shop serve more than one or two sandwiches a minute. So... for the ~120 of you that get fed, congrats.
Also, the nice thing is that they pulled back the original 4 day in office requirement to only 2 days. However, the only reason for that is because they realized they literally cannot get everyone in the building at once and it's not even close. So, I'm not filled with confidence on the logistics of this.
The executive: "yeah yeah, I made 1000 peoples lives more miserable, but at least I get to keep my job."
Fucking useless...
At my workplace, executives get bonuses for how well they implement RTO. It’s written in their performance agreements. Guess who has all the RTO exemptions?
Our cafeteria is just a big room with chairs. The food court that was next to it has since gone bankrupt during COVID and all the storefronts are empty. It’s a giant Teams call zoo.
Business Innovation™
That's where the innovation happens, didn't you read the memo?
10 minutes is rookie numbers. You gotta unpack the standing desk, under desk treadmill, pink gaming chair, kneeling chair, second and third monitors, clamps, cables, coffee warmer, family photos, keyboard, mouse, tarot cards, incense, bobblehead, giant water jug. Ideally, by the time you finish, it's about time to start packing it up again.
Damn, I just rotate one vertical and then sort through the USBC until I find the one that actually works.
/me takes notes
You're right, it's five minutes now. You can request another 5 minutes from HR for a full tea ceremony.
But there are lots of roles in this office, can I please move to a team in this location, or at least work from this location instead?
"No, return to your assigned office"