1. Even though you're in the top 0.1%, under no circumstances should you hire a hitman.

2. Have some elaborate and complicated plan to create an alibi. It should involve changed clocks around or having everyone think you're there when you're really not. The more intricate your alibi plan is, the better. All of those 30 steps in your plan will go perfectly.

3. You're gonna kill the closest person to you, either your spouse, your parent, or your best friend.

4. Spend under 5 seconds feeling sad that the closest person to you is now dead. Get back to what you were doing before the murder. Let everyone know that you're a happier version of yourself before that person died.

5. Befriend in the warmest possible way the head investigator for the murder you just did. Let the guy into your home and offer him any courtesy and assistance that you can provide. Let him get cigar ash all over your personal space.

6. Let the police search your home at all hours. Never insist on a warrant. Talk to the cops like you would your family. Never demand your right to have a lawyer present.

7. After the homicide department has discovered a few inconsistencies in your story, just confess the murder immediately. Accept that you'll spend the rest of your life in jail, there's not point in fighting.

8. Look that pig in the eye that got you a long jail sentence with profound love

Sorry I just binge watched seasons 1-5

Do you eat enough protein in a day? Don’t even bother answering, because I know the answer is no. But don’t worry, I’m kind of a protein guy. I can give you all the guidance you need so you can stop being such a weak little _____. I eat three hundred times my recommended daily allowance of protein. So as you can imagine, my life is perfect. I can crush a fifteen-gallon stainless-steel trash can with my thighs. I could lift your sofa above my head and throw it so far you’ll never see it again. And that’s what I’ll do if you don’t start eating enough protein. So you’d better listen up.

Let’s start with the basics. According to my nutritionist, a guy named the Beef Man, you should be getting at least 30,000 grams of protein at each meal. You’re probably clocking in at a cool fifteen grams or less, which, quite frankly, makes me want to punch a wall. How many chicken breasts have you even eaten so far today? Four? Five? Don’t make me laugh.

By the way, you could be slamming legumes right now while I’m telling you this. Every second of the day is an opportunity for protein, and you’re wasting it. What’s that sound? All I hear is the sound of you not eating a bucket of eggs. That eggless silence is the worst sound in the world. I listen to a recording of myself eating a bucket of eggs to help me fall asleep at night. It brings me a peace you’ll never understand.

But don’t think I have no sympathy for sad little failures. I know reaching your daily protein goals can be a challenge. Sometimes you have to get creative. Do you drink coffee in the morning? Try swapping it out for ground turkey. (Do not talk to me until I’ve had my ground turkey.) If you’re still brushing your teeth with toothpaste (zero protein), you’re a stupid idiot. Start brushing with Greek yogurt. Do you take medicine? Of course you do, because you’re a sick freak who doesn’t get enough protein. Try cottage cheese instead.

I can tell you’re still a little skeptical. Why do you even need all that protein anyway? I’ll tell you why, you piece of shit. You need protein for muscle growth. You’re probably saying, “I don’t care about muscle growth. I like being an adult with the body of a little baby.” And of course, that’s your choice. But you also need protein for maintaining blood, skin, and bones. Ever heard of them? You think you’re too good for bones, buddy? If you don’t eat enough protein, you’re basically saying you’re cool with being a disgusting pile of goo. Ever seen a pile of goo before, tough guy? It ain’t pretty.

And look, I get it. Eating a nutritious diet is about balance. Of course you can still eat other things you enjoy like fruits, pastas, and even brownies. As long as those fruits, pastas, and brownies are made from a slurry of broken-down animal parts and molded into the shapes of those respective foods. I know not everyone enjoys animal slurry. As a vegetarian alternative, put a bunch of chickpeas in a blender and sculpt that goop into the shape of any food you’d normally enjoy. Pretend you’re Demi Moore in Ghost while you’re doing it. I don’t care.

At the end of the day, I’m tired of your excuses. You can’t spend all day cooking lentils? Fine. Don’t tell me you don’t have thirty seconds on your morning commute to snack on some unseasoned ground beef. I don’t leave the house without my five-pound canister of chocolate banana cinnamon roll whey protein powder that I snort when there’s a lull in conversations. I can already hear you whining, “The protein powder burns when I snort it.” Okay, well, nothing is stopping you from administering it rectally, except for your bad attitude.

Ultimately, I can’t force you to eat the correct amount of protein for your body weight. But the next time you try to crush a fifteen-gallon stainless-steel trash can with your thighs, don’t come crying to me when you look like a fool because you only dented it a little bit.

Edit: that's me removing the slur, it did not trigger the slur filter at all BTW

Seriously we don't need all that Naan

I've been going through the Columbo catalog. Yes, Columbo is really cool, as police shows go. Also I was watching a bit of Red Dragon.

One common narrative is that some cops are special, and have this really precise intuition, which someone magically cuts through all the many details of the case and exactly hones in on the correct perpetrator, which is never without fail. I love Columbo, but FUCKKKK he's so guilty of this. From minute ten of the episode, he's knows who is the murderer and he's just examining all the inconsistencies of the story until the murderer just confesses and goes to a life in prison without a fight. In Red Dragon, ~~Ben~~ Ed Norton's character can just look at the crime scene photos and then the crime plays in his brain like a movie. I might be exaggerating slightly as I was bored of that film. Think Odo, who just knows when something illegal is going to go down.

I feel like many cop movies have this "special police intuition" trope going on.

It does upset me. If one's ever gone dealt with the legal system in any way, cops are wrong AF. I think we've all experienced it when a cop makes a snap (lazy) judgement, follows through with their hunch out of sheer laziness and hubris, the cop builds a lazy ass case out of vibes, and then the innocent victim spends an inordinate amount of time and money trying to prove their innocence, if they're even able to secure their innocence. Often many are stuck with the results of a 5 second cop hunch for the rest of their lives. Prosecutors and courts generally take the cops' findings at their word.

In another venue, we've all tried fighting snap judgements is from admin on Twitter and . AFAIK, I've never seen an admin apologise or return a ban.

I feel like some podcast like Citations Needed or whatever covered this, but no amount of Googling led me to where this idea came from.

NEW YORK, July 29 (Reuters) - Blackstone (BX.N) employees struggled on Tuesday to come to terms with the death of Wesley LePatner, one of the investment firm's senior executives who was gunned down late on Monday as she was leaving her Midtown Manhattan office.

The 43-year-old mother of two tried to duck for cover behind a pillar in the lobby of 345 Park Avenue, the skyscraper office building that is home to Blackstone's roughly 2,000 New York-based staff, as a gunman sprayed bullets, people with knowledge of the shooting said.

LePatner's death was at random. Neither she nor the firm, which invests more than $1.2 trillion in assets, was specifically targeted when 27-year-old Las Vegas resident Shane Tamura shot her and three others before killing himself, police told Blackstone executives.

"Beloved" was a word Blackstone executives and community leaders used to describe LePatner, a woman colleagues said had pushed into the rarefied circle of top Wall Street real estate executives traditionally dominated by men.

Blackstone President Jon Gray choked back tears describing her on a half-hour long global Zoom call Tuesday to tell the firm's 5,000 global staff of the gruesome event in New York, saying she was "one of the most beloved people at the firm."

She "worked so hard and cared so much," and had "presence, poise, and a level of care that was beyond measure," he said, according to people who listened to the call. On Monday evening, she was leaving work to meet a friend when the shooting began.

MENTOR AND PHILANTHROPIST

A Goldman Sachs (GS.N) alumna, she came to Wall Street after graduating with highest honors from Yale University, where she met her husband, Evan LePatner, on their first day at the school, friends said.

At Blackstone, one of the world's biggest private equity firms, she quickly rose through the ranks in its real estate business but was never too busy to offer advice, a kind word or to mentor younger colleagues, people who knew her said.

She was a senior managing director and global head of Core+ real estate and chief executive of BREIT, the investment firm's real estate fund aimed at retail investors, ranking as one of Blackstone's most senior female leaders.

As a philanthropist with deep roots in the Jewish community, LePatner sat on the executive committee of the UJA Federation New York and the Abraham Joshua Heschel School. She previously chaired the Women's Network at Blackstone, was also an elective trustee at Manhattan's Metropolitan Museum of Art and served on the board of the Yale University Library Council.

Real estate-focused investment firm Osso Capital's CEO Olivia John, who had previously worked with LePatner at Blackstone, said she was an advocate for women in the industry.

"She had a pure heart, was humble, and always wanted to do what was right," John posted on LinkedIn.

LePatner was known as an even-keeled, thoughtful and measured colleague who navigated Wall Street's investment cycles with a steady hand.

"She would smile through things and handle the challenging times with ease," said Christine Anderson, Blackstone's global head of corporate affairs and a friend of LePatner.

The UJA honored her with a leadership award in 2023 after she led a mission to Israel in the wake of the Hamas attack.

"Wesley was extraordinary in every way — personally, professionally, and philanthropically," the group said in a statement.

At the UJA awards ceremony, Blackstone's Gray called LePatner an "outsized force" and a "giant in the real estate industry," adding, "for those who know her, that may not be technically correct at 5 feet tall."

The LePatner family, in a statement, asked for privacy to mourn. "She was the most loving wife, mother, daughter, sister and relative, who enriched our lives in every way imaginable. To so many others, she was a beloved, fiercely loyal and caring friend, and a driven and extraordinarily talented professional and colleague," the statement said. "We will carry on the remarkable legacy Wesley created."

Not gonna post the episode, tho, because fuck this sketch fails the Code of Conduct.

There's the intro screen for "Weinstein Company". Like damn I love these guys, but a bunch of the skits they do is fucked up.

Article Text Below

Direct flights from Moscow to North Korea have begun this week, amid a strengthening of ties between the two nations and a decline in options for Russian tourists travelling abroad.

The first Moscow-Pyongyang flight, operated by Russia’s Nordwind Airlines, took off on Sunday, according to the Sheremetyevo airport’s website, and landed in the North Korean capital about eight hours later.

The route will initially be serviced only once a month, Russia’s transport ministry said, with the first return flight from Pyongyang to Moscow taking place on Tuesday.

Nordwind Airlines – which used to carry Russians to holiday destinations in Europe before the EU imposed a ban on Russian flights – had tickets priced at 45,000 rubles ($570).

“This is a historical event, strengthening the ties between our nations,” Oleg, a Nordwind employee managing the flight who did not want to give his full name, told Agence France-Presse at the airport. He also declined to say how many passengers were onboard.

Russia and North Korea have been forging closer military bonds in recent years, with Pyongyang supplying troops and weapons for Russia’s military operations in Ukraine. They signed a mutual defence pact last year when the Russian president, Vladimir Putin, visited North Korea.

“For the first time in more than 70 years of diplomatic relations, we are launching direct flights between the capitals of our countries,” Russia’s deputy transport minister, Vladimir Poteshkin, was quoted as saying on the ministry’s Telegram account.

It comes as North Korea pushes its own tourism drive, as it slowly relaxes restrictions on overseas visitors introduced during the Covid-19 pandemic. Regular tourism is still effectively banned, although Russian tourists have been allowed to visit certain parts of the country on group tours, and foreign runners competed in a marathon in Pyongyang in April.

In June, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un launched a new beach resort located on the country’s east coast which authorities reportedly hope will attract 20,000 visitors a year.

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Wrestling legend Hulk Hogan dies aged 71, his representative confirms

First responders received a call from his Florida home at 10:00 local time over a report of "cardiac arrest", authorities say - he was pronounced dead at hospital later

Hogan, whose real name was Terry Bollea, was the biggest professional wrestler of the 80s and 90s and went on to achieve crossover fame

Tributes from the wrestling world, political sphere and Hollywood have been pouring in, with many remembering him as an "American pop culture fixture"

Known for red and yellow outfits, "Real American" entrance music, and army of "Hulkamaniac" fans, he continued wrestling well into his 50s

In 2018, he was reinstated into the WWE Hall of Fame after being ejected for using a racist slur

Article Text

Children under seven years old should not have shop-bought slushies over health concerns about a chemical they contain, the Food Standards Agency (FSA) has said.

The government watchdog said slushed ice drinks containing glycerol - a type of sweetener - were unsafe for young children, and consumption of them should be limited for children aged between seven and 10.

Most slushies contain naturally occurring glycerol instead of sugar to stop them freezing solid, giving them the slushy effect.

The FSA said consuming large amounts of it can cause side-effects, including headaches and sickness, low blood sugar levels, shock, and loss of consciousness in children.

Prof Robin May, the FSA's chief scientific advisor, said: "While these drinks may seem harmless and side effects are generally mild, they can, especially when consumed in large quantities over a short time, pose serious health risks to young children."

The fresh FSA guidance comes following research indicating children under eight should completely avoid drinking slushies.

It studied the cases of 21 two- to seven-year-olds in the UK and Ireland who needed A&E treatment after becoming acutely ill within an hour of having the drinks, mostly between 2018 and 2024.

The children all recovered and were discharged from hospital.

Dr Duane Mellor from the British Dietetic Association told the BBC that it was "relatively rare" for children to suffer ill side-effects after drinking slushies containing glycerol.

The registered dietician said the "heat of the day", dehydration and a child being excited could "exacerbate" symptoms linked to consuming the drink.

He recommended that children have water or cold milk as alternatives to slushies - or if they want a sweet drink, fruit flavoured water with ice cubes, a diet drink or a low-sugar ice lolly.

The FSA's updated guidance is stricter than its previous advice, which said that under-fives should avoid slushies.

It now also says children aged seven to 10 should have no more than one 350ml slushy drink - "roughly the size of a fizzy drink can" - a day.

"We are asking parents and carers to take extra care when buying drinks for young children, particularly during warmer months when consumption of 'slushies' typically increases," said Prof May.

This guidance also applies to ready-to-drink slushy pouches and make-at-home kits of slushy concentrates.

The FSA says its guidance should be on a "written warning at [the] point of sale" and that producers should make the drinks with the "minimum quantity" of glycerol "technically necessary to achieve the required 'slush' drink effect".

It also recommends against vendors offering free slushy refills in venues where children under the age of 10 would likely consume them.

source

Honestly he wasn't wealthy before