I am M41 and have a son who is M6. I have posted before about how he is quite sensitive and cries a lot.

Whenever he cries, he will ask for TV to calm him down. I am wondering whether it is wise to give him TV. I worry lest he learn that the way to handle unpleasant emotions is to distract yourself from them with (relatively mindless) entertainment. That doesn't sound like a great emotion management habit... but on the other hand, it might be good enough at his age.

For example, today there was a miscommunication with a friend's family. He thought his friend was giving him some toys, which was apparently not what the other kid meant. When my little guy was told that he could not take the toys home, he cried for a while, and it took TV to calm him down.

I would like advice. Is it fine to give him TV when he cries? And what alternatives can you suggest?

Thanks in advance!

Short piece that recommends gentleness and trying to get ahead of the stressful moment (which frankly seems a bit idealized; I'd love to be able to see the future, but I'm not sure that's easy/reliable). They do make the point that:

Most of what helps a child “have a go” is built in to the everyday conversations at home, not on the morning of the event. It’s about gently setting expectations: that we don’t always have to win, be the best, or get it right, and that’s okay.

And end with:

The goal is a child who learns, over time and in small steps, that they can do hard things, and that being different from the child next to them is okay and a normal part of life.

One of those kinda-subtle policy things that seems to slip by communities.

I am M41. I have a son who is 5, almost 6. The little guy is quite sensitive and cries relatively easily:

• He hates having to wash his hands. Mom and I wash our hands right away when we come home from outside, and often after touching dirty things or before meals. He hates it. He often cries when asked to wash his hands, sometimes for 10 minutes or more. Saying "we also do it" does not help. Washing his hands for him does not help. I asked him what are the worst things about washing hands, but he could not elaborate.
• One day recently, when I took him home from daycare (it was around 16 in the afternoon), he asked me to play with him. I said: "I need to empty the dishwasher first; then I will come play with you." He broke down and cried until I finished my housework and came to play with him.
• He wants Mom to put him to sleep every night. If my wife is out and he has to go to sleep with me, he sometimes cries himself to sleep. I have not found anything I can do that helps.

Whenever he cries or is otherwise in the grip of negative emotions, I try to be as supportive as I can without encouraging it. I talk softly to him, hug him if he wants it, stay close to him if he wants it, and go away if he wants that. I try to praise him when he DOES manage to calm himself down, and NOT reward him for throwing tantrums.

When he cries he often asks to watch TV. I try to avoid letting him watch TV to calm down, but once in a while I cave in and give him TV.

All these things have always been problems, but it seems to me that these behaviours have grown worse this last half year. Do you have any advice?

Thanks in advance!

Is there anything you do that helps summer go smoothly or feel happier and calmer?

The OG Linda Belcher (he's really the voice)

I am M41 and have a 5-year-old son.

Recently I asked in another parenting forum: "At what age can I teach a child to speak nicely even when in a bad mood?"

A couple of people told me that it is important to model emotion handling so that the child can see how the parent handles difficult emotions. This makes me ponder: How do I do this in a visible manner? How can my son tell the difference between "Dad acts calm while experiencing a difficult emotion" and "Dad acts calm while experiencing no emotions"?

I strongly suspect that the distiction is not easily visible. I have done Buddhist-inspired self-improvement practices these last 3 years, and in my own opinion my emotion regulation has improved vastly. But my wife does not seem to notice or appreciate this; it appears that she mostly only sees those rare occasions where I lose my temper and not the many occasions where I remain calm in spite of emotions. If my emotion handling is invisible to her, how can I expect the little guy to pick up on it and learn to emulate it?

How did you find each other? Do you think it makes parenting better? What keeps you together?

What tools would you like to see to keep your kids safe online?

I have a bunch of different apps/services that I need to configure and monitor for my kids. Each has their own controls, terminology, login, etc. It sucks. I'm technically inclined, so I feel like I'm better positioned than most parents to deal with it.

Let's pretend you could mandate standards. What tools would make online safety easier for you to manage?

She's an only child, and we didn't grow up in America, so she's a bit naive on a lot of things. Her teacher advised us the other day that she's such a sweet girl, but middle school could be brutal for her because of that. What are some wholesome shows I can watch with her that helps her get ready for the world?

EDIT:

This is an astounding collection of shows. Thank you so much! We've started watching Amphibia, and really enjoying it so far. I'll add all these to the backlog. Thanks again!

When your (very white) 3 year old son asks for afro puffs like his (very black) sister.

Buddy, I don't know how to explain the difference between textured and untextured hair to you, but let's see if a couple pigtails do it for you.

When he wants me to tickle him with my foot, he lays on the floor right in front of me while I'm walking and says "Step on me". I love him but he cannot be saying stuff like this 😭

I have a 14 year old Maine Coon that is terminally ill and has a few weeks at best. Our son recently turned 4 years old and loves animals. We taught him to be kind to all animals, even bugs. He is not particularly attached to the cat, but he likes it well enough (the cat is not a cuddler).

In a few weeks we'll have to go to the vet and have the cat put down. We're wondering how we should approach this with our son. Do we take him with us? Do we let him be present when the cat is put to sleep? Or make him stay in the waiting area? Or do we go when he's in school? What's appropriate for a 4 year old?

On the one hand I think that death is a part of life. And I don't mind that he sees us crying over the cat. But I also don't want to traumatize him or make it bigger than it is.

Any tips?

She can move silently about the house at night and sneak up on anyone.

She's extremely agile and can climb things that her older siblings have difficulty with.

She's a complete klepto

She's completely fearless

And today she's turned her attention to lock picking.

There I am taking a dump when I hear a rummaging sound from the lock of the bathroom door. Moments later I look up at her grinning and brandishing the pair of plastic sunglasses she used to gain entry to the bathroom.

Should I encourage this progression to a life of crime? She clearly has a talent for it. Or is there a more legal application of these talents?

Hi everyone

Proud girldad of a beautiful 1 year old here. Life is good and I now love being a father.

We are just having one problem. She attacks her Grandma and leaves nasty scratches on her face. We aren't sure how to proceed.

What we do currently is if she attacks, we firmly say "no, we don't treat grandma like that" and then encourage gentle touch. It's not working.

We are firmly against physical discipline, we tried time out once but she went mental, possibly she's too young for time out.

Can you tell we're first time parents? Haha

Any advice would be appreciated

She was trying to say elevator

My 4 year old son is quite shy -- he is often afraid of kids at the playground and only engages in parallel play occasionally.

Can anyone recommend any picture books or Mr Rogers / Sesame Street episodes on interacting with other kids? I think that he needs examples of the skills required to talk with other kids, as well as examples of shy kids having fun with other kids.

As a side question, I don't understand how lemmy works. How do I see the c/parenting groups on all of the other lemmy servers?

I'm constantly amazed that scouts isn't more popular with families. I'm a huge supporter of the whole worldwide program (particularly Scouting America and the Girl Scouts in the US).

Yes, let's all acknowledge that there were past abuses that the Boy Scouts ignored and covered up. But, primarily due to the lawsuits associated with those abuses, Scouting America has instituted a lot of really strong child protection policies that arguably make it the safest youth program anywhere.

It's a really great, comparatively cheap, program that offers amazing opportunities to kids and families.

If you find yourself having trouble making friends as an adult, I really recommend looking into it.

Brief summary of context. I socially transitioned before he was conceived. His birth mother left me before he was born. I spent 18 months fighting to even meet him. Eventually had things going smoothly with overnight time. Then the birth mother cut contact again. I've only just got to see him in a supervised context.

Near the end of the last session I referred to myself as mummy Eve, as I've done thousands of times in the past without issue. This time he yells that he hates it when I say that. He goes on to say I'm just pretending, I'm not a mummy I'm a he, and he knows I'm a he because I'm wearing a top.

I'm certain he's getting this from his birth mum. I'm devastated, it pushed me closer to giving up than I have been for a while. I don't know if there's anything I can do about it in the two hours a week I have with him. (At least for now)