i guess it was on me for bringing it up to someone whose opinions i wasn’t familiar with, but when would anyone be familiar with their therapist’s political opinions ??? isn’t that an ethical boundary or something

No fuck this. It was not on you and you should absolutely be familiar with your therapist’s political opinions. You don’t need to go into the weeds on everything but having a ballpark estimation that they’re at least not a burgerland style fascist is a must. You’re a leftist. It’s for your own protection to have a therapist who knows when the omit certain things from your notes in that regard. Regardless, a good therapist is able to identify when their personal feelings stop them from being able to provide care and that includes feelings about political topics that affect you.

I’ve had good luck with ZocDoc filtering for bipolar II and queer issues. Maybe you would too

I have a hard boundary that I will not work with a therapist if they aren't willing to have a 15 minute consultation over the phone to check the vibes.

I tell them my issues then ask:

• what do you specialize in?
• what modalities do you use?
• are you familiar with how autism/ADHD affects adults?
• how do you approach therapy?

I also will bring up why I broke up with my last provider and any other worries I might have around treatment to see how they respond to that. I usually use psychologytoday to search for therapists and I'll usually interview 2 or 3 before making a decision, if I'm lucky enough to find that many with availability.

What a shitty experience, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. So unprofessional, I seriously cannot believe how some people manage to get their licensure

ime it's luck and being upfront initially so you don’t sink as much time into ones that aren’t going to work out.

That would have been a last-session conversation for me. That's absolute bullshit. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm convinced more and more each day that good therapists are hidden behind a paywall (which I kind of understand because they have to carry so much of other's pain, but it should be free for the patient and this capitalist hellscape can't allow that). If you're able to make the switch, maybe a neurodivergent therapist would be best? Someone on here once linked ndtherapists.com which might be a good place to start if you haven't encountered it before, since you can search by state and specialty. I wish I could give you more than that, beyond empty words from a stranger. Are meds with a psychiatrist an option you've already tried?

What's worked best for me is looking at education and credentials. Make sure they are actually certified, don't have any faith based stuff in their info (even as "optional"), do client centered or CBT approaches, have been practicing a while, etc. Beyond that it's luck of the draw, but imo that improves the chances of them being good. Also, with remote therapy being an option, that allows you to have more options which helps too.

Hell if I know, but I feel you percent on how shitty it is to have a bad therapist, and how hard it is to find a new one at all, let alone a good one. I hope someone has some helpful advice for you.

put a coin in the machine, pull the lever, get punched in the genitals by the system, repeat

I let my current therapist know in session 1 I'm a Communist and don't believe she can do anything for me re: student debt, rent, etc. She's been respectful and even empathetic when I explained that I have anxieties about my partner (1st Gen citizen) would potentially get fucked by this stuff.

I'm in a libbed up part of the country tho, so perhaps it might just be shit like that sadly comrade. I dunno if you're comfortable outing yourself as communist in session one (I have certain identitarian privileges), but I found it really helpful to just say "don't try to help me with this - I'm stressed about it but therapy's not gonna help with it - I'm here for my own mental issues and my interpersonal shit, not the fact that every month is on the edge"

YMMV, but I think at the least even if they are a secret fash, letting them know these areas are off limits ideologically means you can have a more productive relationship. Therapy is useful after all, especially for things like your personal life (beyond your existence as a capitalist subject), etc.

So, first of all, I'm really sorry this happened to you, and fuck that therapist--that's completely out of line. I don't think any of my therapists have been leftists and they can sometimes be a little blinded by privilege, but I could never imagine them saying something like that to me.

For me it was luck of the draw. First therapist was really nice and helped me start to understand my mental illness, but honestly wasn't effective at actually getting me to modify my behavior. Second therapist helped me modify my behavior to some degree and did get me past some milestones, but we didn't really vibe and I didn't find her approach very effective. Then, by sheer chance, someone else from the same practice subbed in for my therapist while she was out on maternity leave and we clicked instantly. Incredibly kind and friendly, clinically skilled and knowledge, COVID conscious, vegetarian...still a bit of a lib, but a lib that can at least understand where I'm coming from when I talk about structural issues and whatnot. Also, importantly, unlike the previous two she's really good at managing our session time. The other two would just let me self-analyze and intellectualize endlessly without actually getting anywhere while this one will cut in and redirect me to more productive lines of discussion.

With my current therapist, I was even able to reduce frequency for the first time because she gave me the skills and confidence to handle stuff on my own. I was honestly a little worried when we went from weekly to twice a month, but I quickly realized that I could handle it, and it was important because it got me past the mindset of "damn, some shit went down, I'll have to talk to my therapist about this in a few days" and move to, "well, I'm not gonna see her for a while so I gotta take care of this shit myself." Actually thinking about going to once a month soon which is amazing considering how unstable I've been in the past.

Sorry, I don't think that was terribly helpful, but I guess the takeaway could be that there are good therapists out there! Hope you're able to find someone more empathetic that can treat you with the care and respect you deserve

Your therapist sucks in multiple ways. I’m sorry. A good therapist doesn’t see people as “legal/illegal.”

Also, long response incoming. Sorry.

I think you need to ask questions about the therapist’s experience and comfort level. A lot of people claim to “specialize” in something but they never really experienced it. It would help you to find someone with experience working somewhere like drug and alcohol rehab, community mental health (the word “intensive” should be in there somewhere, like “children’s intensive services” or whatever), a mental hospital, and/or with inmates or parolees.

I say those things not because I think you necessarily fit in with those populations, but because a therapist with experience with individual and group therapy in those settings is going to be experienced with nearly every combination of disorders and situations.

Edit: a good question to get the above information is to ask the therapist where/how they earned their hours while an associate/intern. A lot of schools send people to community based programs like the stuff I mentioned above. If they did earn their hours at a place for underprivileged people, ask about their experience. If they act like they’re so grateful to be out, make a note. If they earned their hours in private practice (working under a therapist in private practice vs an agency) they likely don’t have experience with jack shit.

In other words, you need someone who isn’t scared. Ask them if they’ve ever hospitalized anyone. Find out their policy on doing so. You need someone experienced with assessing for plan, means, and intent without being trigger happy at first mention of suicide. Clients are much better off being able to voice their thoughts without fear that the therapist can’t handle it and without fear that mere mention of suicidal ideation gets a psych team called. You want someone who can navigate that situation so you can decide together how to keep you safe and alive.

Clearly, it might also help to ask their opinions on ICE and/or Palestine, though I get why you wouldn’t. Someone who cares about people would be rightly horrified by the current situations, and you deserve a therapist who cares about people.

The number one determining factor in whether therapy works is if the client can trust the therapist. It’s not the therapist’s orientation, education, etc., it’s trust. Ask questions as if you’re trying to determine if they’re the kind of person you can trust.

I did it through trial and error; but that's because I have this privilege and I wield every single privilege I know I have like a cudgel.

Word of mouth helps too; but only if you're capable of exchanging this information w others.

Also: therapists are human beings too and are given to the same stupidity that any liberal or conservative can fall into and none of it is your fault.

how the hell do you find a good therapist

personally, it mostly just came down to "knowing a guy". good therapists are like good doctors or good dentists, they won't have many openings, so you just gotta have connections. it's not really helpful advice, sorry.

Just to add to the good advice I see posted, if you go on psychologytoday.com you can search out therapists more specifically and check out their profiles. They have a thing where therapists can confidentially identify that they have certain neurotypes or conditions themselves. The search doesn't share their conditions, but it filters things if you're looking for someone with lived experience or who can "relate to me" type of thing.