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submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by dead@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

Hello everybody!

So I may have given a lot of people a surprise today. Let me start off by apologizing to everyone whose trust I abused.

I apologize to my parents for saying I had an interview without specifying it was for “Most Wanted.”

I apologize to my colleagues and students for saying I had a personal emergency (by the time anyone reads this, I probably most certainly DO need to go to the ER, but can hardly call that not a self-inflicted status.)

I apologize to all of the people I traveled next to, all the workers who handled my luggage, and all the other non-targeted people at the hotel who I put in danger simply by being near.

I apologize to everyone who was abused and/or murdered before this, to all those who suffered before I was able to attempt this, to all who may still suffer after, regardless of my success or failure.

I don’t expect forgiveness, but if I could have seen any other way to get this close, I would have taken it. Again, my sincere apologies.

On to why I did any of this:

I am a citizen of the United States of America.

What my representatives do reflects on me.

And I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile,removed, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes.

(Well, to be completely honest, I was no longer willing a long time ago, but this is the first real opportunity I’ve had to do something about it.)

While I'm discussing this, I'll also go over my expected rules of engagement (probably in a terrible format, but I'm not military so too bad.)

Administration officials (not including Mr. Patel): they are targets, prioritized from highest-ranking to lowest

Secret Service: they are targets only if necessary, and to be incapacitated non-lethally if possible (aka, I hope they're wearing body armor because center mass with shotguns messes up people who aren't

Hotel Security: not targets if at all possible (aka unless they shoot at me)

Capitol Police: same as Hotel Security

Hotel Employees: not targets at all

Guests: not targets at all

In order to minimize casualties I will also be using buckshot rather than slugs (less penetration through walls)

I would still go through most everyone here to get to the targets if it were absolutely necessary (on the basis that most people chose to attend a speech by a pedophile,removed, and traitor, and are thus complicit) but I really hope it doesn't come to that.

Objection 1: As a Christian, you should turn the other cheek.

Rebuttal: Turning the other cheek is for when you yourself are oppressed. I’m not the personremovedd in a detention camp. I’m not the fisherman executed without trial. I’m not a schoolkid blown up or a child starved or a teenage girl abused by the many criminals in this administration.

Turning the other cheek when someone else is oppressed is not Christian behavior; it is complicity in the oppressor’s crimes.

Objection 2: This is not a convenient time for you to do this.

Rebuttal: I need whoever thinks this way to take a couple minutes and realize that the world isn’t about them. Do you think that when I see someoneremovedd or murdered or abused, I should walk on by because it would be “inconvenient” for people who aren’t the victim?

This was the best timing and chance of success I could come up with.

Objection 3: You didn’t get them all.

Rebuttal: Gotta start somewhere.

Objection 4: As a half-black, half-white person, you shouldn’t be the one doing this.

Rebuttal: I don’t see anyone else picking up the slack

Objection 5: Yield unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.

Rebuttal: The United States of America are ruled by the law, not by any one or several people. In so far as representatives and judges do not follow the law, no one is required to yield them anything so unlawfully ordered.

I would also like to extend my appreciation to a great many people since I will not be likely to be able to talk with them again (unless the Secret Service is astoundingly incompetent.)

Thank you to my family, both personal and church, for your love over these 31 years.

Thank you to my friends, for your companionship over many years.

Thank you to my colleagues over many jobs, for your positivity and professionalism.

Thank you to my students for your enthusiasm and love of learning.

Thank you to the many acquaintances I’ve met, in person and online, for short interactions and long-term relationships, for your perspectives and inspiration.

Thank you all for everything.

Sincerely,

Cole “coldForce” “Friendly Federal Assassin” Allen

PS: Ok now that all the sappy stuff is done, what the hell is the Secret Service doing? Sorry, gonna rant a bit here and drop the formal tone.

Like, I expected security cameras at every bend, bugged hotel rooms, armed agents every 10 feet, metal detectors out the wazoo.

What I got (who knows, maybe they’re pranking me!) is nothing.

No damn security.

Not in transport.

Not in the hotel.

Not in the event.

Like, the one thing that I immediately noticed walking into the hotel is the sense of arrogance.

I walk in with multiple weapons and not a single person there considers the possibility that I could be a threat.

The security at the event is all outside, focused on protestors and current arrivals, because apparently no one thought about what happens if someone checks in the day before.

Like, this level of incompetence is insane, and I very sincerely hope it’s corrected by the time this country gets actually competent leadership again.

Like, if I was an Iranian agent, instead of an American citizen, I could have brought a damn Ma Deuce in here and no one would have noticed shit.

Actually insane.

Oh and if anyone is curious is how doing something like feels: it’s awful. I want to throw up; I want to cry for all the things I wanted to do and never will, for all the people whose trust this betrays; I experience rage thinking about everything this administration has done.

Can’t really recommend it! Stay in school, kids

https://www.newsweek.com/cole-allen-manifesto-shooting-suspect-anti-trump-message-detailed-11880026

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[-] TrustedFeline@hexbear.net 118 points 4 days ago

That intro is so fucking funny. Reddit ass manifesto

[-] Wertheimer@hexbear.net 91 points 4 days ago

record scratch

Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here.

[-] quarrk@hexbear.net 88 points 4 days ago

Let me first apologize to the subreddits I moderate,

[-] 30_to_50_Feral_PAWGs@hexbear.net 48 points 4 days ago
[-] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 22 points 4 days ago

Sic semper tyrranosaurus!

[-] marxisthayaca@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago

I want to start this murder manifesto by acknowledging we live on stolen land.

[-] bunnossin@hexbear.net 105 points 4 days ago

(not including Mr. Patel)

They cannot fucking stop themselves from self-glazing in their fake manifestos theyve done this twice now

[-] SerialExperimentsGay@hexbear.net 61 points 4 days ago

All i'm wondering is if Patel orders his underlings to write this or if they do it preemptively to sucker up to him

[-] newmou@hexbear.net 18 points 4 days ago

Is he sparing Patel ostensibly because of his race? That’s the only thing I can think of from a lib perspective

[-] Damarcusart@hexbear.net 15 points 4 days ago

It really did stick out to me like that, like he doesn't want to seem racist or something.

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[-] RuthBaderGonesburg@hexbear.net 20 points 4 days ago

I’m out of the loop, when was the first time?

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[-] DasRav@hexbear.net 76 points 4 days ago

This would be a bit cringe to read if he had gotten some of these ghouls, but the cringe is off the charts since he didn't.

I don't think it's a false flag thing, they would be unable to resist implicating the left more directly.

[-] DogThatWentGorp@hexbear.net 30 points 4 days ago

Yeah the

Wow there's no security!!!!

followed by getting absolutely no one, because they got stopped by security, is really funny (in a cosmic sort of way).

Like- my intuition when don't see something I expect is that I'm unable to see it or unable understand where it is. I don't assume it isn't there.

[-] OttoboyEmpire@hexbear.net 15 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

it really is quite funny. "no one is clocking me as a big threat" says the guy who everyone, correctly, clocked as not a big threat.


there's a great cum town bit wherein the guys are riffing on a news story about a kid who got arrested for csam, for which he got caught because he provided to his community college professor, instead of a thumb drive with his term final on it, a thumb drive with loads of csam on it.

nick pretends to be the kid panicking all night after submitting the final, only to give a sigh at sunup and conclude something like, what am i worried about? there's no way i gave the wrong drive. i'm going to be just fine.

like it's so fucking funny to imagine these dinguses thinking they're out of the woods, reassuring themselves just like we all do, but they are in so fucking deep, and are just about to get fucking nailed to the floor.

[-] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 32 points 4 days ago

Worst they got is $25 to Kamala, attended a No Kings rally and was a member of the "Wide Awakes". No clue what a modern Wide Awake is but my guess this dude was a Shermanposter.

[-] hollowmines@hexbear.net 73 points 4 days ago

Pretty much all of these would-be assassins seem to be naive radical centrists so this checks out.

[-] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 38 points 4 days ago

The gyre widens and they fall through. 'We voted and now we're all out of ideas'.

[-] 9to5@hexbear.net 25 points 4 days ago

radical centrists are truly the most violent group among us all

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[-] Rom@hexbear.net 64 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

The manifesto also makes reference to "a speech by a pedophile, removed, and traitor," which may be in reference to the president

"may" hasan-ok-dude

[-] kleeon@hexbear.net 32 points 4 days ago

to be fair, the white house is full of those

[-] quarrk@hexbear.net 89 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Administration officials (not including Mr. Patel): they are targets, prioritized from highest-ranking to lowest

All but confirms planted evidence by FBI lol

[-] Robert_Kennedy_Jr@hexbear.net 73 points 4 days ago

Yeah there's no fucking way he looked at Kash and said "No I trust him."

[-] Llituro@hexbear.net 48 points 4 days ago

or perhaps they understand he's so incompetent and liquored up that he probably isn't in on much.

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[-] queermunist@lemmy.ml 56 points 4 days ago

It's him. The fabled lib driller.

[-] MLRL_Commie@hexbear.net 53 points 4 days ago

Why are the manifestos never just posted online with like a delay or something? So that they're openly verifiable?

Either way, fucking weirdos everywhere in this story. America delenda est of course, but either the FBI are fuckin weird nerds or this guy is. Probably both

[-] RedWizard@hexbear.net 38 points 4 days ago

This guy was a compsci and he couldn't code a deadmans switch to post his manifesto? Sus. (I have no idea how it was discovered or posted.)

[-] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 29 points 4 days ago

He sent it to his family right before he made the attempt. Like he's already in the hotel while writing the end of it.

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[-] merdaverse@lemmy.zip 17 points 3 days ago

Turning the other cheek when someone else is oppressed is not Christian behavior... Thank you to my family, both personal and church, for your love over these 31 years.

Newsweek:

anti-Christian rhetoric

Lol

[-] thefunkycomitatus@hexbear.net 42 points 4 days ago

Did Kash announce he was going to be there or was this written like 10 mins before the deed? FBI heads don't usually attend these things and it's weird the guy knew Kash was going to be there.

Even CSPAN pointed out how weird it is that he got invited (before the event): https://nitter.net/liz_churchill10/status/2048197834093011305#m

[-] TrustedFeline@hexbear.net 63 points 4 days ago

Kash does not miss an open bar

[-] SteamedHamberder@hexbear.net 40 points 4 days ago

geordi-no Cash Bar

geordi-yes Kash Bar

[-] darkcalling@hexbear.net 34 points 4 days ago

If this guy wasn't a carefully set up puppet for someone's convenience (groomed online by FBI over a period of months probably) they are incredibly sadly video-game brained. Talking about priority of targets when shooting at the president as if they'll get a chance to continue firing after that lmao. You'd need a fully armored and enclosed power suit to be in that position and still living with the amount of fire you'd be taking immediately even if you took your first shot at the president without being noticed up until that point.

The only thing that makes me question that is he doesn't seem so far from this to be their ideal shooter. Goes to church for one when they'd prefer a Muslim, especially a Shia or someone with relation to Iran. Talks in libbed up talking points not antifa/Marxist/leftist. Maybe FBI guys writing his manifesto only surveil terminally online libs and so can only write like them.

Also I have to dunk on some people yesterday claiming the cops at the checkpoint were slacking which no they were not if you saw the video. Short of standing on the firing line guns pointed at the metal detector the whole time they were pretty ready and almost immediately as he brushes past the guy turned the other way he draws his gun and starts firing as do all of them as they move to close. Should they in a maximal security environment had a man-trap system maybe, are they likely to want to do that with swanky elites who chuff at that kind of thing? Probably not.

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[-] bennieandthez@lemmygrad.ml 33 points 4 days ago

Honestly you have to be insane to even imagine taking out a SS dude non-lethally, bro you ain't solid snake. Also they should be your main targets if you're just going in guns blazing, the politicians do not have guns on them.

[-] AfricanExpansionist@lemmy.ml 10 points 3 days ago

This guy had a fucking stupid plan.

[-] Lussy@hexbear.net 15 points 4 days ago

bro you ain't solid snake

plays mgs5 once

I want to be an Operator

[-] Coolkidbozzy@hexbear.net 31 points 4 days ago

Turning the other cheek is for when you yourself are oppressed

The United States of America are ruled by the law, not by any one or several people. In so far as representatives and judges do not follow the law, no one is required to yield them anything so unlawfully ordered

Basic Christian morality, a belief in american civil religion, and that's it? Assassins don't have strong ideologies anymore

[-] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 34 points 4 days ago

If security really was that bad all those dudes would actually be dead by now. One pissed off, fired, and well respected general could coup the country in a night. This is a call to get others thinking of going in alone to try. Theres no way a rational person would exclude Patel when picking targets. It'd just be all the faces of the administration since they all love to flap their fascist meat slabs in front of the cameras.

[-] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 33 points 4 days ago

Counterpoint: Sparing Patel would be fucking hilarious if he got away with it.

[-] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 19 points 4 days ago

Press: Sir, how are you going to solve the most high profile string of political assassinations in American history?

Kash: LGBudoPKQgmXtKr.jpg

[-] DwigtRortugal@hexbear.net 31 points 4 days ago

the tempting security setup, the weapons choices, the coordinated aftermath with the ballroom posting, the mention of

the many acquaintances I’ve met, in person and online, for short interactions and long-term relationships, for your perspectives and inspiration.

is just too fedposting chefs-kiss

[-] dead@hexbear.net 34 points 4 days ago

This is his bluesky account which corresponds with the alias he used in the Manifesto.

https://web.archive.org/web/20250418175848/https://bsky.app/profile/coldforce.bsky.social

[-] Mihr@lemmygrad.ml 18 points 4 days ago

I see he was NAFO adjacent. That’s 0 for 2 from those dweebs and their attempts are the most pathetic ones. At least Crooks came close.

[-] marx_mentat@hexbear.net 18 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

So many Ukraine posts. No wonder he doesn't mention anything substantive in the manifesto. He's just mad that Trump isn't doing empire good enough.

[-] InexplicableLunchFiend@hexbear.net 17 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

American attempts something American very Americanly - What are we, a bunch of IRANIANS?

The part where he's like "If IRAN wanted to do something they could have done whatever they wanted! Up the security for gods sake!" as he's planning his attack is like, unbelievable. No self awareness at all at what he is doing or who's side he is on. If Trump's administration is your enemy, so much so that you're willing to die to take a shot at him, then why do you have the same foes outside of the nation's borders? Why do your worldview and his align so much? Never crosses his mind or that of millions of "anti-Trump" Liberals, who swear up and down they oppose everything Trump is about while moving every day to become more like him and share his enemies.

[-] DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net 30 points 4 days ago

Damn, how fucking convenient.

Least obvious false flag.

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[-] CommunistCuddlefish@hexbear.net 6 points 3 days ago

I feel bad for the guy. Sounds like some incoherent dude with a good heart who just needed a proper party and ideological foundation in order to not throw his life away for nothing. Instead he got blue maga and look where that led him.

[-] Kumikommunism@hexbear.net 28 points 4 days ago

Hello everybody!

This is what happens when an NL viewer takes a day off of their office job nl-despair

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[-] Assian_Candor@hexbear.net 29 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Cool but like, you can't fuck it up

Edit: talk about a premature celebration

[-] ajab@hexbear.net 20 points 4 days ago

nyet Not accepting any manifestos until Klippenstein posts it. (But if their bluesky is anything to go off of, this is exactly the right amount of cringe we should expect)

[-] AfricanExpansionist@lemmy.ml 12 points 3 days ago

This manifesto is lame. It either needs to be more specific and explicit, or more unhinged. These apologies just make it sound like some Twitter SJW circa 2015

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this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2026
134 points (100.0% liked)

Chapotraphouse

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