Not The Onion
i appreciate the framing, but this is arguably weirder because the thing they're actually doing is installing spyware on their phones and computers that monitors all of their internet traffic. they're christian anti-fap extremists.
Spyware on the Speaker of the House's phone, you say?
Don't worry. There is a zero percent chance that it could ever be exploited to where a third party could gain remote access to the Speaker's electronic devices to monitor his internet activity. The app he's using is secure.
Source: Trust me, bro
Yup. This is what evangelicals are talking about when they say they care about 'being held accountable'
the first time i heard this described was...an odd evening for sure
Can you Americans get rid of these weird soulless pod people already
sorry, my father and i monitor each other's voting habits too
No they can't. It's a "democracy" you see.
The family that busts together sticks together.
Bust together, stuck together
There's an alternate punchline to this, but I finally found my line for what's too revolting to write
I seriously contend that sexual repression is its own kink for Christofascists and they do get off to it on several levels, from secret-taboo gimmicks to exclusivity and denial-of-access to the poors of the secret-taboo gimmicks to the sheer authoritarian power rush of it all.
Mitt Romney's "Eyes Wide Shut" parties come to mind.
Even the desire to force others to conform to that repression seems like its own sexual pathology.
This got posted in two separate communities so I'll repeat my comment here:
Seems like it's more that he's monitoring his son's porn intake in a way that makes it sound less like over-controlling spyware being imposed on the son and more like mutual accountability.
He's either already ideologically committed enough to fundamentalist Christianity to not watch porn, or more likely just has another device. So there's nothing for his son to "monitor".
It is abusive either way. It's bad enough that the reinforcing mechanism being used is shame since that is absolutely not a healthy way to deal with mental health conditions, but in this case it's being disclosed to someone with power over them. And you know damn well that "don't be queer" is part of what they're being held accountable for.
edit: should probably clarify that almost nobody in these programs actually is using porn enough to where it is actually compulsive. For most organizations like this, the broader purpose it serves is similar to those Scientology confessionals where they release your whole file if you go against them. It's cult behavior. They want leverage.
Imagine what the CIA must have on him.
Edit: after reading it feels more like an evangelical thing than a sex pest thing. Not that those are mutually exclusive. Who knows what the future will bring? Dennis Hastert seemed like a normal guy when he was elected and look at what we know about his past now.
yeah it's either something hilarious and weird or it's my day one guess that he's just closeted.
Imagine thinking this is a totally normal and cool thing to do
family values
Help me step brother I'm stuck in my family values
hey son, watcha jerkin to today?
are ya ~~winning~~ cumming son?
no dad
Whatever happened to those good old fashioned values on which we used to rely?
What
The family that goons together 🤮 🤮
least weird republican
Death to America
His son's name is literally Jack Johnson. His fucking name is Jacking his Johnson. His identity is masturbating.
If this were parody, it would be completely hamfisted. I wonder if Mike Johnson has ever searched for a ham fisting porn category
Now the CHUD ideology makes sense. They see real life through the same lens as porn.
All their racist assumptions? It's them being unable to control their raceplay fantasies from shaping their worldview.
They assume all LGBT people want to fuck them? Again, that's their sexual fantasies dominating their worldview.
Why they're misogynist? They see themselves as 'big daddy' from their porn and this is why they are too insecure in their masculinity to accept objectively good things like pro-environmental policies and the like because they think they'll be less like the macho porn man they see themselves as.
I don't know if it's possible to say one lens precedes the other, and if it is, the order is probably different for different people. Pornbrain may get you to right wing thought, or vice versa, but it's all from a deep feeling of insecurity and resulting pleasure from hierarchy.
These people think they are genetically superior to you.
It’s called goon squad not goon individual
I grew up with these brain worms and am very familiar with this and have even had the spyware on my PC in the past. Taking all questions
Question: why????
In short, purity culture, misogyny, and unquestioned toxic masculinity.
Long answer, evangelicals believe three key myths: (1) having sex at a particular time with particular people is a matter of life/death, (2) men are monsters who cannot control their urges and thus must be forced, through shame and social controls, to not have sex and ruin their lives, (3) women must help guard men from themselves by not being sexy and are victims of deep misogyny via objectivation. The obsession with sex comes from these points and honestly "porn addiction" was talked about way more than any other addiction I remember from youth group/church
Evangelical men have male friends they call "accountability partners" that confess to each other when they looked at porn (not the other details). The idea is the shame of confessing with keep you from doing it. If that doesn't work, they will put spyware on their computers to keep them from even thinking about going to porn websites.
Why this father/son relationship? No idea, that seems weird to me but everything else is unfortunately very normal if unhealthy
New bit: Fascism gets defeated because the left forms a red-brown alliance with r/KotakuInAction on trying to defend allowing half-naked women in vidya from Christian fundamentalists, the former losing interest in conservatism upon realizing that it means they can't wank off to said half-naked vidya women anymore.
Jokes aside, that's always what bothered me about misogyny. If men are supposed to be the "natural leaders" of women, why do traditional gender roles portray them as sex-obsessed gorillas? If God prefers men, why are men more susceptible to feeling the eeeeeeevil no-no emotion to the point it damages their functioning?
I don’t see why this is so bad. It can help both of them come over this issue, no? It’s a little creepy having his son since he is a minor but if he were an adult I wouldn’t have an issue
Because its probably not an issue (beyond any other teenager) except for the fact that they're evangelicals and think you go to hell for 🔧 
Wait his son's a minor? Nah the just fucky
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