138
submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by cheese_greater@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

If you swallow appleseed(s)

Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria

—Mac

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] Maddie@sh.itjust.works 68 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"Respect your elders"

Nah they're the ones who destroyed the economy giving free rein to corporations, set the planet on fire, and let cops run loose murdering and stealing as they please, fuck them

[-] FMT99@lemmy.world 40 points 10 months ago

Not saying you're necessarily wrong but "Fuck em" seems to be the new mantra of our society on all levels. Doesn't bode well for the future.

[-] snooggums@kbin.social 21 points 10 months ago

That is because society on all levels deserves it. We need to stop with the expectation that people in certain jobs or positions deserve respect just because of their job or position. They only deserve respect if they earn it.

If they don't earn respect, fuck em.

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

It actually DOES bode well for the future.

The Boomers lived by "Fuck the future, I got mine now."

We're trying to change it to "Fuck the past, we ain't got shit."

[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I feel like this is going to have [excellent] synergy with my boundary posts :)

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.dbzer0.com 60 points 10 months ago

"You've got to love him -- he's your brother, after all."

Yeah, he's my brother who would get angry and destroy all my things when we were young, my brother who sexually abused my youngest sibling, my brother who launched into a homophobic rant against my mom during a time when she had cancer, a brother who cheated on and verbally and physically abused his first wife, a brother who probably drove my nephew to suicide.

No, fuck him. I don't love him, and I never will.

[-] Bakachu@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Yeah I'd say that's got to be triggering to hear. How do you respond to "advice" like that normally? Assuming it's from someone who actually knows your brother.

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] gregorum@lemm.ee 51 points 10 months ago

“Walk it off”

— coach

No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!

[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Puttin' it on ice, bitches

[-] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Take a salt tablet.

[-] Steve@startrek.website 37 points 10 months ago

Anything regarding loyalty to an employer or insurance company

[-] hellothere@sh.itjust.works 37 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"If you were just more positive you'd not be complaining about being depressed all the time".

And/or

"Have you tried just being happy for once?"

[-] frogfruit@sh.itjust.works 12 points 10 months ago

Aka fake it til you make it

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] just_change_it@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago

Hard work always pays off.

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] paddirn@lemmy.world 30 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"Undercover Cops have to tell you if they're a cop," or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.

Somehow though, organized crime hasn't figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.

Also: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."

[-] Caboose12000@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

that second one seems way outta left field to me, what kinda contexts is that used in?

[-] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago
[-] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 13 points 10 months ago

A one word answer that covers so many questions.

[-] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago
load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 30 points 10 months ago
[-] ilmagico@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago

One thing that's sure to make things worse is to tell an angry person to "calm down"...

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] MIDItheKID@lemmy.world 25 points 10 months ago

YOLO

It's like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like... I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] neidu2@feddit.nl 25 points 10 months ago

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet"

  • Benjamin Franklin
[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

I thought Wayne Gretsky said that...🤔

[-] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

"Nope, it was Franklin" -Abraham Lincoln

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works 23 points 10 months ago

If something bad happens, just try to forget it. You'll feel better!

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 22 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Burn your garbage. Burning garbage makes smoke that goes up into the sky and becomes stars.

[-] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I wanna say its wrong but I don't know enough about star formation to dispute it?!

[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

Really, EVERYTHING originated from star dust, so you're just returning it to the source!

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Fluffy_Ruffs@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Smoking cigarettes will suffocate the toxins in the apple skins sitting in your stomach.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] PrimarilyPrimate@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.

load more comments (6 replies)
[-] eran_morad@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago
[-] Iamdanno@lemmynsfw.com 7 points 10 months ago

Do what you love for a job and you'll turn what you want to do into what you have to do.

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] nikosey@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 16 points 10 months ago

"Snitches get stitches."

How do you expect conflict resolution to work?

[-] Fiivemacs@lemmy.ca 13 points 10 months ago

With stitches..

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 12 points 10 months ago

"Count your blessings."

Useless fucking platitude that's synonymous with "You aren't the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate."

See also "At least you have your health."

[-] WashedOver@lemmy.ca 11 points 10 months ago

Don't try to bullshit me, I'm a bullshit artist.

[-] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 9 points 10 months ago

If I ever told my dad, "are you shitting me?", he'd reply with, "I'd never shit you, you're my favorite turd."

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] TechyDad@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.

Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. I'm not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.

So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I'm 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I'm nearing 50. I likely won't have enough to retire. Maybe when I'm 80.)

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 10 months ago

I think a lot of people here misread 'favorite' as 'least favorite'

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 10 Jan 2024
138 points (94.2% liked)

Ask Lemmy

26858 readers
409 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS