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Cranky Kong
(hexbear.net)
That's all
He tried so hard to kill 
He lived the dream, throwing barrels the size of a gorilla at Italian people
Cranky HOG 
he'll yeah mfer 
It me
But for real tho the DKC series is one of my favorite of all time.
I've only played the first despite having the other two always available. I've always been a dk arcade/Gameboy/Mario.vs dk (before it became a lemmings knockoff) guy. I like a single screen non scrolling platformer. The arcade ones are of course generally cool but I like how the later iterations on the original dk formula were a neat kind of puzzle platformer.
With that, I miss a puzzle platformer where the platforming is the puzzle, prince of Persia sands of time is the ultimate example and they made thet into assassin's creed free running and will never look back
The new PoP side scroller is supposed to be really good, but fuck me if I'm paying 45 bucks for it.
hell yeah
HELL YEAH
he's just like me frfr
I got dk64 at a Christmas spent at my grandparents a 2 hour drive from my n64 so I had days to read the manual over and over and well...Cranky was 10 years ahead of his time with his takes on that game
i played the motherfuck out of the snes donkey kong games, when i finally got the helicopter in dkcountry3 i felt like i had achieved godhood
I had a used NES forever and got an n64 in 99 at age 9 or so and knew Donkey Kong was hot shit from playing the country games at friends and also the kickass cartoon. I can recall getting the n64 with dk64 and smash bros and barely touching dk64 which my folks thought would be the big one and smash bros 64 getting my parents interested in video games, they probably game more than I do now
hell yeah
Hell yeah
Cranky's takes, taken straight from the manual:
Story
So let's see what nonsense they've made up for this game, shall we?
Hmm... well, I have to hand it to them. This time they've managed to come up with a decent sotryline that doesn't involve the usual golden bananas. Only joking kids! This one's worse than all the previous efforts put together! I know you probably aren't expecting a best seller, but wait till you hear this load of rubbish...
Chimpy Controls [which has a picture of the N64 controller]
Arrgh! What is that thing? Which way do I hold it? There are too many buttons... and this wobbly stick-thing feels like it's broken! I can't believe players use this silly controller contraption to play games! A good solid joystick and one button is all I'd need!
Cranky's Special Abilities
Ah, this is where I come in. Let's face it, the Kongs' basic abilities are only a pale shadow of my former skills. In order to give them a chance to progress, I will generously let you buy a few of my special potions from time to time in order to make those kids a little less embarrassingly useless. Some abilities can be used anywhere, but others require the use of my pads or barrels with the fate of the appropriate character on them.
Monkey Multiplayer
It's true, I'm afraid. They've gone and included one of those awful multiplayer modes that seem to be all the fashion these days. This means you and some other whippersnappers can huddle round your flickering screen and play a few games that I reckon were thrown in at the last minute and will be average at best. I sure hope I'm in some of them though—I'd just love to whup some of these young wannabes' behinds!
The Levels
Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm... I can't seem to find it. It was called the "Great Girder Grapple" as I remember. Oooh, I must hove spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once they'd gotten o taste of my 2-D girder action! Don't give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it...
Cranky's Tips
Tough luck kid. I've told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I'm sure some of it will appear on that newfangled "internet" thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you've got any. If all else fails, you'll just have to play better.
I read that manual so many times as a kid
:cranky-kong:
oh hey alf how you been?
Cranky Kong reconnects friends
Cranky Kong> Shrek
BASED AND KONGPILLED
hell yeah
Hell yeah
Six posts in this thread so far are just 'hell yeah'.
His wife’s dead and now he’s Cranking Kong
this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
42 points (100.0% liked)
chapotraphouse
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