Nope, you're describing not being young, that's nothing like being actually old. Growing old has a bunch of stages:

• joint pain

• can no longer dance all night

• hangovers last all day

• dentists start talking to you about your gums

But then you get to the phase of

• skin losing elasticity

• liking dinner parties

• marijuana is now a medicine

• developed distinct preferences about stuff like threadcount

And then after that the next phase is more like

• a lot of time worrying about your parents

• all body fat migrates to one or two of its favourite spots

• seriously consider putting everything on lanyards

• your favourite singers are all dead

And so on, you get the picture. That's as far as I've traveled but as far as I can see the phases after that involve things like bladder leakage and losing friends to alzheimers.

Some things I've noticed in my early 40s:

• You talk about things like property taxes and 401k contributions more often than you ever thought would be possible
• You seriously weigh whether a drink is worth the bad sleep and headache it'll cause you
• Your pop-culture references are lost on younger folks
• You start referring to college-aged people as "kids"
• You need reading glasses but you're in denial about it
• Injuries take longer to heal
• Those of your peers who haven't taken care of themselves are starting to have serious health issues
• You care more about flossing, skincare, fiber, and hydration
• You still rock bottom eyeliner like you did in high school
• You've seen fashion from your high school years go out of style and then come back as "retro"
• You see the utter confusion on your nephew's face when you explain that you used to keep a quarter in your bike pouch in case you needed to call someone, because he doesn't remember a time before cell phones and his generation isn't allowed to just roam around unsupervised on their bikes
• You have strong opinions about things like laundry detergent brands
• Birds become fascinating
• You have no problem spending a few hundred dollars on a new kayak paddle, but the price of cold cuts these days is just unacceptable

What's really old music? Like Greenday?

i think people are way too worried about being old while not enjoying the youth they have left right now

you can always be and feel older

You start noticing bird species you've never seen before.... Wait! Was that a cedar waxwing???

When you injure yourself sleeping

Getting a new phone is annoying rather than exciting

• A general feeling of alienation from society. Particularly younger people.
• Dislike of ‘modern’ music.
• Nostalgia over the way things used to be as you have lived long enough to witness the enshittification.

The radio station that plays the old hits has started playing newer hits. Spoiler: they’re not new.

You'll start growing hair in even weirder places than you did during puberty.

I'm in good shape still, nothing hurts, but my goodness since I was about 40 everything takes forever to heal. Injuries that might have healed in 2 months when I was a kid can take 2 years to fully resolve. Why, when I have fewer years left?

I don't get the music thing, I think maybe men are more nostalgic about music. I listen to a broad sweeping set of artists old and new, and my kids do too (one is a musician but all of them will hear something on tiktok and go find it). I still go see new and emerging acts, love finding new music.

Oh! And since nobody is talking about the positive things that happen when you get old: around 50 my green thumb arrived, I no longer kill plants by looking at them. I can coax them to grow. And can cook just about anything too, but that is accumulated years of experience, the plant thing just came like a gift. Around 45 I got the power of trust, like anyone would tell me anything - middle aged white lady power, people tell me things, I could be a spy or drug mule or something now and just skate through security, I am not suspicious. And mood gets easier to manage too, not so quick to anger or fear.

If these are signs of being old, I was born old.

I turned my head to the right to look at something and sprained my neck.

So when just existing hurts, you're old.

• When listening to new music, I'm constantly recognizing how heavily they sample older songs that I remember listening to when I was a kid.

• A night out with friends often ends at 9 or 10p because we're all tired.

• A night out with friends often includes a lot of discussion of various health issues and encouraging each to see a doctor.

• I'm finding myself more and more avoidant of new technology. Or maybe it's just that I'm getting more concerned about maintaining a little sliver of privacy?

Standing up feels like the check engine light comes on

• Can't use my phone for more than 10 minutes because it makes my eyes hurt
• Understanding the mechanics of new games feels harder than it used to be
• Can't easily remember the names of characters in a game/movie I'm watching
• Can't remember the names of functions for programming languages I've learned recently, always need to keep the documentation handy
• I find it absolutely counterintuitive to use "modern" functions in programming like lambdas (and functional programming in general can't get into my head)
• I almost always HATE changes in the OS and programs I use, while I used to love beta-testing stuff
• Can't get into new hobbies and interests
• Still listen to the same genres I used to listen to 10 years ago
• 2019 feels like a few months ago, not half a decade ago
• Getting worse and worse at rhythm games

I'm 33.

My knees have been going out since I was like 16, so I’ve felt pretty old for a long time. I think my biggest old person thing is being very particular about my bedtime each night and always getting up at the same time. I definitely did not do that in my twenties.

You start looking for what the signs of getting old are. Seriously the big first thing that sorta marks the end of what I consider to be my healthy youth was jumping off a dock and having to take a moment after landing. Happened in my thirties.

The most depressing sign is your parents that were once invincible are now having concerning health issues

When you go onto a website with one of those cheesy self assessment age restrictions boxes and you're still scrolling to get to your year.

Yes I also listen to a lot of mid 2000s songs.

But have you begun yelling at clouds yet?

I also have a knee thing. Why the knees.

• you walk into another room, but can't remember why you're there.
• You go downstairs to grab something, do 5 other unrelated things, go back upstairs and immediately remember why you went down in the first place.

You're not old until the music you don't consider old becomes old.

I went grocery shopping and realized the music was all stuff I liked and recognized. I even knew the words 😭

When young people talk about the video games you played when you were their age as if they were written in hieroglyphics and relics of a forgotten age.

Sometimes between 25 and 40, you'll realize you "can't drink like you used to."

From here, you'll almost never be out til last call again. Certainly not without regrets. And it'll dwindle to where you're learning to cook instead of asking the Uber driver to swing through McDonald's on the way home.

You'll find you're amid a new hobby, and an old hobby is in the rearview.

Welcome to midlife. You're probably as old as your parents were when they had you, if not older.

Do you have to hold your phone "further" away to see it? No? Then you haven't crossed the line yet. You are like the roller coaster after it has crested the hill, the backend is still holding on, but you are starting to see where you are heading.

I remember the first time I thought we were getting old: A friend suggested we meet for coffee at around 4pm. Fml.