Shit my pants during my first day onsite at my first white collar job (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 week ago by Beetle_O_Rourke@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

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Called manager saying "I have been subject to a biological incident. I am requesting a 90 minute unpaid break."

Chat am I getting fired? Civil servant btw.

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[-] queermunist@lemmy.ml 46 points 1 week ago

Tell them it's Havana Syndrome. 🥺

[-] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 41 points 1 week ago

anakin-padme-2 this was supposed to be in badposting, right?

[-] Beetle_O_Rourke@hexbear.net 45 points 1 week ago

anakin-padme-3

[-] SacredExcrement@hexbear.net 26 points 1 week ago

anakin-padme-4

[-] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 11 points 1 week ago

biden-horror

[-] Beetle_O_Rourke@hexbear.net 38 points 1 week ago

Thanks, Ozempic!

[-] Speaker@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago

If it's any comfort, my "acclimating to GLP-1 agonist and metformin" self-shitting happened on a date (well, directly after a date, while I was driving home [mercifully on my own]), about 80% of which I spent feeling sick and looking sweaty and weird. It only happened the one time, though, so with any luck you'll acclimate and be fine.

[-] Beetle_O_Rourke@hexbear.net 1 points 1 week ago

It's been close to a year 😭

[-] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 32 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I've had some intestinal issues in the past comrade and I can tell you for certain that while most people will never admit to it most of us have probably shit ourselves a little bit at least once.

I feel absolutely no shame about this and we should normalize being able to talk about the fact we have all thrown away at least one pair of underwear at work.

Remember the rule, "never trust a fart" especially if there is any doubt at all, will save you emberassment if you play it safe and just take a bathroom break. Worst case you can say you just had to pee, best case you save yourself an unfortunate incident.

[-] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago

It's true, everybody has a little doodoo ass sometimes

[-] LaBellaLotta@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

Well said comrade pibb

[-] dditty@lemm.ee 5 points 1 week ago

100%. Also it's a good idea to keep a change of clothes in your trunk or bag just in case. I remember I had an observation with a prof while student teaching, and I split the seat of my parents in first period. I had to drive home and back during 2nd just to barely make it in time for my 3rd hour observation. Now I keep a spare pair of pants with me.

I hadn't ever split my pants seat before, and it also hasn't happened since

[-] SoylentSnake@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

i shidded a little on my third date w/ my most recent past lover, we were drinking outside and went back to my place and i had to piss like nobodies bizness and the force of the stream pushed out just a lil guy. luckily i was able to clench my cheeks and bidet that little sucker off, no contact with my undies, truly a blessed and cursed turn of events.

[-] EatPotatoes@hexbear.net 28 points 1 week ago

Havana syndrome confirmed

[-] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 26 points 1 week ago

Let they who has never sharted themselves a little bit cast the first stone!

[-] pierre_delecto@lemmygrad.ml 23 points 1 week ago

I worked next to a guy who shit his pants at work and the only outcome was he got to go home early. I wouldn’t worry about it.

[-] Zvyozdochka@hexbear.net 22 points 1 week ago

Then all of the sudden the entire office started shitting their pants

[-] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago

The sympathetic pants shitting response

[-] pierre_delecto@lemmygrad.ml 15 points 1 week ago

Haha nobody wanted to follow his lead. I remember he had started a higher fiber diet before this happened. If anything this incident probably discouraged people from making healthier eating decisions.

[-] Speaker@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago

When you get out of work due to shitting yourself, it's called "the brown note".

[-] heggs_bayer@hexbear.net 21 points 1 week ago

Blame it on Hamas.

[-] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 18 points 1 week ago

One time I ate an entire box of frosted mini wheats before my shift baking bagels. Turns out that fiber is not a myth after all.

[-] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago

lmao for real in this thread we should all admit to ourselves and everyone how we have all sharted at least once in our working lives. I think it will unironically build solidarity for comrades with IBS. It's more common than most people know.