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Black Friday marks the first day in the War On Christmas. Report to your local recruitment office. Deserters will be shot. (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 month ago by SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

16 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Morale is at an all time low this year. The Eastern Front of Target and Costco has become trench warfare. Rumors abound the Trump administration wants to use nuclear weapons on the antifa troops. We need you now to do your part. Remember, I'll say "ho ho ho" when I'm DEAD.

top 16 comments

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[-] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 34 points 1 month ago

Shoplifters, if the soldier in front of you dies you pick up their loot and carry it out the door. Not one step back

[-] CarmineCatboy2@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago

this is revisionism. i joined the war on christmas back in halloween.

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago

If we were the IOF you'd be a general by now!

[-] absolutefuckinidiot@lemmygrad.ml 16 points 1 month ago

I've spent my whole adult life working in grocery retail I've been fighting the war on Christmas for well over a decade already, we need more troops

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago

:07: literally braver than the troops.

[-] Sulvor@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

[-] cmhickman358@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

Don't forget to stock up on those Jesus fake $100 bills to put in those bell ringer buckets. This will unlock the achievement "Return To Sender" and get your squad 50 battle points.

[-] Rom@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

[-] DickFuckarelli@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Doing covert ops: A lady went running out of a store today, setting off the alarms. I "accidentally" got in the way of security trying to get to her.

o7 o7 o7

[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

Thank you for your service!

[-] MayoPete@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

kim-salute

[-] Lemmygradwontallowme@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

Lezgo!

[-] nohaybanda@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

lets-fucking-go

[-] Utter_Karate@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

My Chimney is full of landmines and I'm assembling a team to have his holiness the pope posthumously excommunicate St. Nicholas.

[-] AmericaDelendaEst@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago

can you imagine if someone parodied the war in ukraine but it's santa's little helpers kidnapping teenagers to conscript in the war against turkey (the bird)