121

Cancer
(June 21 to July 22):

Steer clear of shadowy figures who threaten you with knives, guns, or other weapons—they may intend to do you bodily harm.

top 9 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 13 points 2 months ago

I'm so glad I read this post. I'm def. following this advice. I'm quitting my nighttime knife club, gun club, club club, and explosives club. That really opens up my calendar.

[-] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago

Real loading screen tips here

[-] MarcomachtKuchen@feddit.org 2 points 2 months ago

What I would give for a good club club near me...

[-] Opisek@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

What about the fight club?

[-] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 7 points 2 months ago

We don't talk about fight club.

[-] caesaravgvstvs@feddit.org 8 points 2 months ago

Had to look up CEO birthdays to make sure it was about what I thought it was

[-] MarcomachtKuchen@feddit.org 6 points 2 months ago

Sweet, I'm glad this does not hinder my own nighttime activities where I'm threatening strangers with knifes, guns or other weapons.

[-] Nougat@fedia.io 2 points 2 months ago

... does not hinder ...

It does hinder, by making your activities more difficult by one-twelfth.

[-] angrystego@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Read it as horrorscope and thought cancer was the illness. Now I wonder what the other horrorscope signs would be... scorpio sting, virginity lost to rape, an evil twin following you, getting the st. Sebastian treatment, piranhas...

this post was submitted on 18 Dec 2024
121 points (95.5% liked)

The Onion

5278 readers
972 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS