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submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by Opinionhaver@feddit.uk to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

Your way of doing things is now how things must be done. Extra points for petty and minor stuff.

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[-] TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone 72 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)
  1. We eating chips and popcorn with chopsticks now.

You're welcome for cleaner fingers and everything you touch with them.

  1. Beer ain't getting served without some sorta pickle.

  2. Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations

  3. More ducks than chickens. Duck eggs are better, duck meat is better, duck fat is better than schmaltz

  4. It's now so wildly normal for men to wear crop tops

You're fucking welcome

  1. You're getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.
[-] tal@lemmy.today 20 points 2 weeks ago

Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations

And this was how TheAlbatross's Labrador became fluent in Croatian.

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[-] Grunt4019@lemm.ee 13 points 2 weeks ago
  1. You're getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.

I wonder how fast they would start allowing work from home again.

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[-] shyguyblue@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)
  1. I love garlic stuffed olives, but have to eat them with chopsticks to slow myself down.

  2. My dogs love Pupperonis (one letter away from pepperoni), but I call them puppereenies so they don't go ape shit when discussing toppings....

Edit: Swipe typing is getting worse every day, fixed auto assumptions...

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[-] Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 6 points 2 weeks ago

Going to be pickle stonks. Get them while hot

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[-] dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world 59 points 2 weeks ago

All you authors, columnists, and other motherfuckers not using the Oxford comma are now in big trouble.

[-] Nollij@sopuli.xyz 14 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

This could've been a delightful meta joke, and I was disappointed to see that it wasn't.

[-] davidgro@lemmy.world 47 points 2 weeks ago

I'll go for a serious answer.

When driving, particularly on freeways and highways, everyone must now leave a lot of space between them and the car ahead proportional to how fast they are going - even in heavy traffic. And they must allow a car that is signalling properly to merge into their lane. (But not like a bunch of cars at a time of course)

Everyone must also start to decelerate as soon as they see brake lights ahead or notice slowing, but they have more space (starting further back in the road), so won't have to decelerate as strongly as the car ahead is and will reach a higher minimum speed or be stopped for less time when the car ahead starts accelerating again.

I believe this would mostly end stop-and-go traffic and smooth out all slow traffic (increasing fuel economy and reducing stress) by reducing/eliminating traffic waves. Probably even increase average speeds (but I'm less sure about that)

[-] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

If you start a cult, I'd join.

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[-] tal@lemmy.today 31 points 2 weeks ago

Your way is now the right way.

My way was always the right way!

[-] Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 15 points 2 weeks ago

But now it's official.

[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago

Everyone must now put off literally EVERYTHING until the very last minute.

[-] flubba86@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

Okay. I'll implement this change on Friday at 4.30pm.

[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Were you not listening?

Implement it at 4:59.

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[-] chronotron@lemmy.world 23 points 2 weeks ago

there is no more light mode for anything at all

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[-] AmidFuror@fedia.io 18 points 2 weeks ago

Toilet paper only goes on horizontal rollers with the flap facing down in the front of the roll. No more feeling the back of the roll to find the loose end.

[-] Cephalotrocity@biglemmowski.win 8 points 2 weeks ago

My cat wants to move in with you for some reason

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[-] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago

The proper spelling is indeed Rebekah. Also, chili is eaten over rice or mashed potatoes and always has beans. All cats have an infinite amount of names, none of which they respond to and most of which are very situational.

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[-] Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 2 weeks ago

For close to 20 years now my wife and I have bought twin sized flat sheets and blankets for our king bed. We're both blanket hogs and now we get to be by not sharing. People used to look at us like we were crazy when we mentioned it, but I hear more and more people doing it and even saw and article calling it the "Scandinavian method" or something else pretentious sounding.

We've been doing it so long I feel like we invented it, even though that's a silly idea. But I am half Scandi so, you know, maybe it was named after me.

[-] Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 7 points 2 weeks ago

As a Finn, "scandinavian method" sound hilarious, though technically we're not part of Scandinavia. And yea, ofcourse people have their own blankets. You don't share a pillow either ..right?

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[-] megane_kun@lemm.ee 14 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Petty and minor, huh?

  • Dates are now YYYY-MM-DD (2025-02-25) for the short form, and dddd, YYYY mmmm DD (Tuesday, 2025 February 25) for the long form.

  • Time is now written in 24-hour notation (14:44:41)

  • The first paragraph in a section doesn't have indentation, but all succeeding paragraphs do. For example:

    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.  Vestibulum quis velit aliquet, accumsan eros id, tincidunt lorem.  Integer ac arcu elit.  Sed efficitur mi vitae viverra egestas.  Quisque sed varius nisi.  Vestibulum in cursus diam.  Ut pharetra quis nibh at semper.  Integer dictum leo eu velit condimentum, a varius mi tempor.  Sed at nunc lacinia, consequat eros sed, fringilla quam.  Proin pulvinar ante ac ipsum suscipit dictum.  In libero augue, tristique iaculis libero in, bibendum eleifend massa.  Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.  Suspendisse a risus non lacus pellentesque molestie congue non risus.  Quisque ut condimentum dui.
    
        Aenean dictum leo at commodo accumsan.  Vestibulum ullamcorper diam et arcu bibendum maximus.  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.  Suspendisse porta libero sed nisi aliquam volutpat.  Nam rutrum, odio quis ultricies blandit, elit metus pulvinar diam, non condimentum tellus arcu sed eros.  Praesent nunc tellus, aliquam vitae leo sed, pellentesque placerat ex.  Aenean tincidunt libero magna, sed sagittis neque facilisis id.  Vivamus quis lectus nunc.
    
        Donec lacinia, dolor sed eleifend volutpat, massa dui elementum risus, congue sagittis tortor sem sed neque.  Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.  Pellentesque tempor risus arcu, a dapibus risus tristique in.  Ut sapien est, placerat ac lectus non, scelerisque feugiat nisi.  Nam nec luctus nibh.  Aenean id ultrices risus.  Phasellus magna enim, sodales sit amet nisi id, interdum interdum neque.  Sed scelerisque scelerisque lobortis.
    
  • There are two spaces after a full stop, except when occurring at the end of a paragraph where there should be none.

  • They will be used as a generic non-gendered pronoun and will be the default along with one. For example:

    • “Someone sent me an e-mail, but I am not sure they meant to send it to me.”
    • “Really, one should make sure the e-mail address is correct before sending an e-mail.”
  • Functions that are called in other functions will be declared before any function that calls them.

  • Functions should be around twenty lines long, and at most have three levels of nesting. Functions that are too long or have too much nesting should be revised and broken up into two or more functions.

  • Code indentation (tabs) should be set to four spaces.

  • Code will be formatted as follows.

    function (params) {
        // code
        }
    

EDIT:

Formatting

[-] geogeogeo@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

Ok I'm on board for a lot. But PARAGRAPH INDENTATION!? DOUBLE SPACES!? I can't with your blasphemy.

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[-] daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Wrong: cleaning ass only with toiler paper.

Right: Using a bidet after pooping.

Your asses will thank me.

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[-] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 2 weeks ago

Extra points for petty, minor things.

Fine.
Only using even numbers for volume or brightness. No handshakes (between humans). No unsolicited hugs. No greetings. No Christmas, new years eve, Halloween, birthdays, etc. (only regular days). No loud talking (if any) on public transport. No phone calls or video calls. No purchases of digital goods (be it media or software) that doesn't come on a physical copy. No buying from Nestle. Avoiding supermarket membership "discount" (read: "data collection") programs.

[-] SynonymousStoat@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

Only using even numbers for volume or brightness.

Can 5 be an honorary even number?

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[-] bluGill@fedia.io 8 points 2 weeks ago

How do you turn it up to 11?

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[-] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago

Education. Critical thinking will now be taught in elementary school. Economics in middle school. And philosophy in high school.

[-] alekwithak@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

Get this guy to The White House.

[-] MissJinx@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago

Stop using toilet paper to wipe your ass. Only water.

[-] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago

Why would I need to wipe water?

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[-] andrewta@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago

TV series now have 25 episodes a season.

Five season minimum.

All TV series are released on physical disc after one year (the creator of the show can choose a smaller amount of time if they want, but never longer). After one year it MUST BE on disc.

Blu-ray Disc at a minimum. Can choose 4k if the creator of the show wants. Can do both.

Federal penalties if the show is cancelled early.

Next

All devices that require an always on connection, must have a patch to allow the device to work if the server is ever pulled offline.

Subscription based services must provide an actual benefit. Not a “well the company wants more money so they’re just going to create a subscription service”… looking at the companies that make heated steering wheels in cars subscription based.

[-] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

TV series now have 25 episodes a season.

Fuck no. That's how you get pointless fucking padding episodes halfway through the season where the plot and the characters just spin their wheels and nothing meaningful happens.

But, obviously what I mean by that is that your way is the right way.

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[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 11 points 2 weeks ago

GOOD FUCKING BYE, JAVASCRIPT AND HTML!!!!

Shine on, Gemini!

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[-] whotookkarl@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

Turn on your turn indicator, take a few seconds to check that the lane is clear, then proceed

Turn it off and on again before asking someone for help

Look up the word in the dictionary instead of just assuming you know what it means from context and usage

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[-] dotslashme@infosec.pub 10 points 2 weeks ago

Using comments as an excuse for writing shitty code.

[-] sxan@midwest.social 9 points 2 weeks ago

Duodecimal is provably superior, and the world now uses it instead of decimal. This means that the metric system is now base-12, and inches, feet, and yards are the common units.

Surprising to many people, very little else changes.

  • Analog clocks stay the same
  • There are still 12 months in the year
  • Your eggs still come in dozens
  • There are still 30 divisions of 12 degrees in a compass.
  • There are still 12 face cards in a deck of cards
  • Humans still have 12 pairs of ribs
  • A bouquet of roses still has 12 flowers
  • A box of doughnuts still comes with 12 doughnuts
  • Colas still come in half-dozen packs, and boxes of cola still usually come in a dozen.
  • Muffin trays still bake 12 muffins
  • Packs of toilet tissue are still sold in some multiple of a dozen: ½-dozen, 1 dozen, or 2 dozen.

Meanwhile, everyone learns they can count to 12 on one hand, and to 144 using both hands.

[-] thenextguy@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

"I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"

[-] sxan@midwest.social 7 points 2 weeks ago

"You killed my father. Prepare to die."

And, for those who don't know:

Although I find out more comfortable to count across and then down; at least the first 4 numbers are the same as base-10 finger counting.

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[-] fargeol@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

Tabs are better than spaces

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[-] serfraser@sopuli.xyz 7 points 2 weeks ago

Football is defunded, everyone watches pro wrestling now instead

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[-] tiefling@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 weeks ago

We're eating nachos with forks

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[-] pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 2 weeks ago

Nobody is allowed to say "eepy" anymore.

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[-] Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Everyone picks up a new random hobby every few months, spirals into self hatred about not being amazing at it with no practice or research, and adds another box of crap to the closet.

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[-] iii@mander.xyz 7 points 2 weeks ago

Everyone's self employed and stops complaining about their boss

[-] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago

When I was self employed my boss was terrible. He’d make me stop working to jerk me off like ten times a day

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[-] CBYX@feddit.org 7 points 2 weeks ago

Everyone is frugal and likes (or is okay with) nitpicky, complicated things like PoE skill trees, taxes, and investing.

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[-] rabber@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 weeks ago

The only music that matters is metal and everything else is canceled

[-] blackstrat@lemmy.fwgx.uk 6 points 2 weeks ago

No one has any pubes any more.

[-] weeeeum@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

Fucking thank you

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this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2025
115 points (99.1% liked)

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