cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/3976656

can some other neurodivergent people comment on this essay? On first glance it seems interesting and like a subversive video. But it feels extremely demeaning and ableist on a deeper look? I mean, I haven't watched it, I'm not subjecting myself to what I'm fairly certain is the same "capitalism caused adhd and also addiction is a moral failing" argument. But that's what I mean?

Am I the only person who feels this way?

If you're like me you might want to just skim the comments. A lot of the stuff mentioned about the video's content really pissed me off. I really hope I'm not alone in this.

It feels like I'm being judged for mentallt struggling with executive function but in a Leftist Way Actually (tm).

I can go online and order a large area rug with hundreds of color and pattern options and it gets shipped from China to a warehouse then to me and it costs less than breakfast ingredients for the week.

My doctor has been prescribing different meds to see which work for me. He's reluctant to prescribe Adderall because of the (artificial FDA-created) shortage. Here's what we've tried so far:

Wellbutrin: Awful, made me feel depressed and generally shitty, quit after a few days.

Strattera: Better reading comprehension, less scattered thoughts. But I was sometimes tired, confused, and unfocused after meals. Also I had a weird tingly sensation on my tongue like I was drinking soda.

Strattera plus Methylphenidate: My doctor had me take a lower dose of Strattera with 10 mg time-release Methylphenidate for a week as a transition between the two. The combo was effective in that it got me to focus, but it effectively killed my inner monologue and made it nearly impossible to have any creative thoughts. Made me feel like the aliens in Blindsight: intelligent but not sentient.

Methylphenidate: What I'm on right now. 10 mg time-release first thing in the morning, plus another 5 mg quick release in the afternoon if I'm feeling tired or unfocused (not sure if I should make that an everyday thing). Generally, it seems very similar to caffeine, but more mellow and consistent over time, and I've been able to cut my caffeine use in half. It seems to help with focus and energy, but not as much with procrastination (I should really be doing chores right now).

I've seen people on here and elsewhere say that Vyvanse helped them, should I ask my doctor if I should try that next? Or does it have the same problems with shortages that Adderall does? Would Strattera plus Vyvanse have the same effects as it did with Methylphenidate?

So I just realized I might exhibit one of the common autistic experiences. It certainly feels like overstimulation in a literal sense, previously I've thought of it as being overwhelmed or things getting too intense. I snap my fingers, flex my hand, scrabble around with whatever's in my hand, repeatedly whisper

The problem is this is almost always in response to thoughts I'm having or something I remember, which doesn't seem very external, and everything I read keeps saying it's only with external stimuli from one's environment. So is this something else?

Edit: Talked with my therapist and she said this is extremely OCD pilled. Task failed successfully

The one thing about my neurotype that bothers me sometimes is my night owlness.

If I have no mandated early morning thing I will not go to sleep. Despite my best intentions to do that. Just today I had a free day, but had a morning appointment and by noon I was amazed at *all the day I have left *because I got up sooner.

I love nights. I love the darkness and the solitude, I love how silent it is and how safe and like myself I feel when everyone else is sleeping. And I've always been like this. As a kid I read books in bed until morning, as I grew up I watched whatever was on on tv until the wee hours. There were the gaming years as well and now I browse the internet.

There is no real point to this rant. I suppose it would just be nice to have more time in my freedays, but I also don't want to give up my nights of solitude or patholozise what I have always been like.

Hi comrades, it’s yappening again - you're invited to drop in chat about what's on your mind in Webfishing!

We have closed the server for this session. Thanks to all who stopped by!

You will need to enter it when you start the game here in the server menu:

Note that the FAQ has been recently updated.
New questions with answers will be highlighted below:

When is the drop-in server being hosted?
This Friday, 5:00am PST / 2:00am EST / 1:00pm MSK / 10:00am UTC
Click on the UTC link to be taken to Bing search results that will localise the time to your specific region.

Test link to .ics file to add event to your calendar [still figuring this out]

How long will the drop-in server run for?
I'm planning to run it for approximately two hours unless there is demand for it to run longer and I have the spoons for it.
This post will be edited to reflect when the servers are live and when they have closed.

What happens if the server crashes?

If there was about 20 minutes or less before the server was due to close and things were winding down, sorry folks - the party died a little prematurely. But if it looked like the momentum was going to continue and I could keep going then I’ll fire up a new server and send out a new ping inviting you back. If there was 30 minutes or more to go before the promised close time, I’ll do the same.

How can I join the ping list?

Comment below asking to be added or send me a DM with a request and I'll add you to the ping list.

Will you notify me in Element when your server goes live next?

I need to do a viability assessment before I can promise anything. If you want to be on the waiting list, send me a DM to let me know and I’ll put you down and if/when it gets launched I’ll let you know via Element.

Will you hold it at a more reasonable time for North America/my time zone?
I plan to. I intend on holding this drop-in server at different times to cover different time zones so that it's suitable for folks wherever they happen to be.

What is Webfishing anyway?
It's a new little cozy game that's based around fishing and feels a lot like Animal Crossing.

How does it work?
It's basically like a chatroom that has a little game attached to it. You don't have to play the game if you just want to chat. The game itself has a very relaxed vibe without any time pressure or specific goals you have to achieve.

Where do I get the game?
It's available on Steam for around $5 USD, less if you're in a developing country.

What if I can't afford to buy the game at the moment?
If it's the one thing that's stopping you from joining, send me a DM and I'll gift you a copy as long as you are a Hexbear user with an account that isn't brand new.

Can I join if I am a lurker, if I do not have a Hexbear account, or if I found this via another part of the Fediverse?

What if I do not identify as being neurodivergent?

Of course. As long as you adhere to the Server Ground Rules listed at the bottom of this post you are invited to join the server.
You do not have to identify as neurodivergent to join the server, I've just been posting on here as I gradually grow this project and improve it to avoid overextending myself. In due course I hope to start promoting this to the whole site but for now I've still got my training wheels on.

You are not expected to be an active Hexbear user with an account in order to join the server - everyone is welcome.

What are the system requirements?
They are reasonably low. You need a device that can run Steam (like a PC, a laptop, or a handheld device such as a Steam Deck or similar.)
You can read more about the specific system requirements on the Steam page to see if your device is up to the task of running the game.

Can I join the server straight after downloading the game?
There is a brief, mandatory tutorial that the game makes you do when you play for the first time. It should only take you a few minutes to play through though. After you have completed the mandatory tutorial you will be able to join a server and start chatting/playing.

Do I have to RSVP? How long do I have to stay if I join?
You don't need to RSVP, just show up whenever you're ready to while the server is running.
You don't have to stay for any longer than you want to. You can even just pop in to say hello and then head off straight after if you like.
If you mention that you are interested in joining the server for this event in the comments section below, I will ping you when it goes live.
If you want to be part of the main ping list, just say so and every time a new post about the next upcoming peer space gets posted I’ll ping you so you get a notification that another one is happening soon.

Do I have to use my Hexbear username?
No. I'd recommend that you don't so that way you have some separation between your account here and your character in Webfishing.

Will it be moderated?
You bet it will be. I will be in there the whole time and I will moderate the space to maintain its safety.

Is there an age requirement to join the server?
I cannot guarantee with 100% certainty that the server will be safe or suitable for minors so you are only permitted to join if you are 18+.
I will do my best to ensure the server is safe but people may chose talk about heavy subjects or topics that are inappropriate for minors and I do not want to expose minors to undue risks.
I cannot check your ID at the door but please keep in mind that you need to be an adult in order to join.

A Casual, non-Peer Support server are currently being trialled for viability where the rules are stricter on acceptable discussion but which is open to all ages.

If you would like to be added to the non-Peer Support list then please send me a DM requesting to be added to that peer list. All users on the main ping list will also be notified of the casual non-Peer Support server going live.

Please DO NOT comment below letting everyone know that you are a minor – don’t announce your age online in public spaces especially if you aren’t an adult, please.

What's the difference between the Peer Support server and the casual one?

All users will be expected to keep things age-appropriate in the casual server.
Currently the casual server is going live on an ad-hoc basis without advanced notification, mostly by request at the moment.
I will be there to moderate however my engagement is less intensive to allow me to manage the demands on me. Think of it as a low key hang out space to chat with whoever is in the server but not as a space where I will be able to provide peer support.

Can I make a request for you to start the casual server?

You can try.
I will make no guarantees but if I am available, if I have enough energy, and if checked my inbox, I'll probably make it happen.

What can I talk about in the Peer Support server?
Almost anything.
Don't dox yourself or others, don't be abusive or make threats against others, but basically if it wouldn't break the rules here then it won't break the rules in the server.
For more a detailed and explicit explanation of the rules, the Server Ground Rules can be found at the bottom of this post.

What if I don't have anything to talk about?
I don't mind. You can just hang out in the server and play the game or be a part of the group.

Why are you offering this?
I used to be a peer worker and I have worked in the disability and mental health sectors. This is something that I have done professionally (only face to face, not online) and it's a way of providing support to this community if there is anyone who would like to chat or to seek peer support.
It can be hard to access mental health supports for a variety of reasons. This is my modest attempt to make accessing mental health supports a little bit easier.

Is this like a life coaching/neurodivergent coaching thing?
No. While I have been trained in different coaching methods, as it is a group space and as there isn’t necessarily continuity in how your accounts will appear to me in different sessions if you choose to change your details, along with the fact that there is no accountability and goal-tracking being offered alongside consistent bookings (not to mention that I will not be keeping casenotes on my end), formal coaching is beyond the scope of this server.
I may draw upon coaching methods in the server as I see fit but this server is not a suitable space for an ongoing coaching mode of support.

Are you a qualified therapist or doctor?
Absolutely not and I'm not attempting to be one.
I can offer support as a peer, I can share based on my own experiences and understanding of things, but I cannot be more than that.

Is this space a crisis service or an emergency service?
Absolutely not. I am not equipped to handle a mental health crisis for pseudo-anonymous people remotely via an online co-op game.
If you are in crisis, you will need to access the local crisis services available to you.
If it is an emergency, you will need to call your country's emergency number.

Is it a secure platform? How do I protect my identity in this game?
The public info on your Steam profile page will be visible to others so I strongly recommend setting your profile page to private and choosing a profile pic and setting the username to something that doesn't identify you and is generic to make it effectively unsearchable (e.g. using a name like Krupskaya or Azerty or Salton Sea). You can also make a burner Steam account for additional privacy if you like.
The platform is not secure (nor is this one that you're on now), so it is not like Matrix/Element. I strongly recommend using a VPN to conceal your IP. I cannot guarantee what the game has on the back end. Treat it a you would the Hexbear Visual Cuisine on cy.tube.
Be very careful about giving out too much info or info that is too specific. You can be vague, you can throw out false info about your situation, and you can simply choose not to divulge info at all.

How many people are permitted in the server at any given time?
There is a maximum of 12 people allowed in the server currently and it is first come, first serve.
I will try and keep an eye on the numbers and in the unlikely event that the server hits 10+ guests then I will invite people to consider whether they are ready to move on in order to allow other people to join.
I may choose to revise these numbers downwards based on the demands for moderation, my PC’s ability to cope with the demands of hosting the server, and to ensure that people in the server get a chance to chat with me.

What's the server's position on ableism?
Ableism targeting another person is strictly forbidden.
The use of ableist slurs and the denigration of people based on ability/disability is strictly forbidden.
Unfortunately our culture and language is deeply ableist. Casual use of ableist language is discouraged but it is not policed; examples of casual ableism are: "Is it dumb to feel this way?". "I feel like I'm stupid for not figuring this out earlier", and "My boss went completely psycho at me".
There are alternative words that can be used however this space recognises that self-expression is fundamental to its functioning and I cannot demand that people change their use of language instantaneously or to treat communication in the server like it's some sort of crossword puzzle they have to solve in order to get their message across.
"You are dumb" is absolutely not permitted. "[x group of marginalised people] are dumb" is absolutely not permitted. "Why do people have to act so dumb just because they see a guy wearing nail polish?" is a tolerated form of casual ableism in the server—although it is not condoned—while creativity and the use of alternative non-ableist terms is encouraged.
You will be able to prompt me to yap about this topic for as long as you care to listen if you happen to ask me about it in the server.

Are you insured for this?
No.
The pleasure is mine but the liability is yours.

Do you offer refunds?
Sure, but it's a free service so it's not worth asking for a refund on that.
Due to the current limitations of the time-space continuum, I will be unable to refund you your time.

Do you wear wigs?

Server Ground Rules:

• No oppressive speech - no racism, sexism, queerphobia (including transphobia) etc.
• Be respectful of others - be kind, don't be a jerk.
• Don't record the server, don't spread the things that another person has said in the server around to others - if you have any concerns or complaints about my conduct or anyone else's then let me know either in the server or on Hexbear so I can address it.
• Verbal warnings/kicks/bans are up to my discretion - adhere to the first three ground rules, keep the space safe for yourself and others, and you'll be fine.
• Use of a VPN is strongly encouraged
• Keep your OpSec practices in mind at all times
• Consent is fundamental to every part of the server - you are always allowed to say that you don't want to do something or that you don't want to talk about something. Your choice will be upheld in the server.
• I am not a therapist or a doctor and I cannot be a replacement for them
• This is a casual peer support space not a crisis or emergency service.
• There is a maximum of 12 people allowed in the server and it is first come, first serve
• The server is for people who are 18+
• Anyone who agrees to these ground rules is welcome to join the server

Hope to see you there!

EFFORT POST

Fuuuuuuuuuck. Am I being too “all or nothing” about this?

After holding my third corporate job (for going on 6 months now), it’s all the fucking same. And it’s going to be damn hard to convince me otherwise. Always a fucking business started by some CEO whose parents are rich, and they say there’s an opportunity to make your way up the ladder and other opportunities for career growth (devoting your entire existence to capital in this squid game esque way is truly draconian but I digress), though funny how they don’t mention all the nepotistic hierarchies in between which are akin to high school cliques. Seems like such a brazenly obvious (and extremely normalized) pyramid scheme. But hey, you get nearly a six figure salary for producing 0 value to any humans whatsoever in the computer touching factory because someone is in the position to shuffle around capital. But don’t you talk about a raise unless it’s the year end! You have to know that you’re paid based on the very real idea of “market value.”

Then you have service workers, care takers, social workers and the like. Since those careers are not contributing to the L I N E in any meaningful way (though it’s becoming more common with the plague on humanity that is private equity), they pay a lot less. I don’t know if there is enough evidence to say that it’s a “punishment” by capitalists or whatever, but I’m starting to think that it really doesn’t matter.

You reframe it in both contexts though, and it’s exactly that. If you pay a computer-toucher significantly more than someone caring for humans in the world, the value judgment could not be more clear. I don’t know why I’m acting surprised, I lived through Covid and saw these people (who undeniably showed their importance) being shat on relentlessly. There’s stuff I’ve been trying to unsee for years and I just fucking can’t anymore. Talk about man-made horrors beyond your comprehension

I need to bite the bullet and get the fuck out but how the hell do you enter the biggest phase of change in your life when you follow the same patterns each and every day?

Figured would toss these on here as I'm both lazy and a disaster, but here you go (these are ancient history fwiw, when I was 9). Shouldn't have any triggering/sad shit (didn't screenshot, basically) but may as well share 9 year old me's glorious basedness:

like, literally, just your voice, just the way you normally say things

I was really in the ADHD assessment saying I had no family history of neurodivergence, knowing damn well my dad and one of my sisters have the exact same symptoms of me

[N]o other class of medications in virtually all of medicine inspires more baseless fears, intentional disinformation, and wild beliefs as do the stimulants used to treat ADHD.

Interestingly, these fears are almost entirely an American phenomenon that hardly exists elsewhere in the world.

[H]aving ADHD lowers a person’s estimated life expectancy by 12.7 years.

From other articles on the site:

• ADHD medication use lowers risk of death by 19%, risk of overdose by 50%, and it reduces hospitalizations

• [T]he risk of substance abuse decreases substantially when [ADHD] patients are treated with stimulant medication

I just did this for a whole bike ride, noting everything that caught my attention. It’s far from “focused” but I remained aware the entire during, while losing track of time and thus impatience. Usually I get lost in thought when I try to be mindful, but I was able to simply label a thought or perception and move on. There are a lot of sensations if you pay attention so it will be challenging but that’s what keeps the mind engaged. You don’t need to be aware of everything at once, just wherever your attention is at a given moment. As well as other benefits, I feel like being aware of how everything is constantly changing helps one perceive life as more novel and thus less boring and miserable.

I’m sure it’s great if you’re not ADHD as well, as that’s the case with the author.

Hi comrades, it’s yappening again - you're invited to drop in chat about what's on your mind in Webfishing!

The server is now closed

Note that the FAQ has been updated.
New questions with answers will be highlighted below:

When is the drop-in server being hosted?
This Saturday, 11:00am PST / 2:00pm EST / 7:00pm UTC
Click on the UTC link to be taken to Bing search results that will localise the time to your specific region.

How long will the drop-in server run for?
I'm planning to run it for approximately two hours unless there is demand for it to run longer and I have the spoons for it.
This post will be marked closed when the server has been shut down.

What happens if the server crashes?

If there was about 20 minutes or less before the server was due to close and things were winding down, sorry folks - the party died a little prematurely. But if it looked like the momentum was going to continue and I could keep going then I’ll fire up a new server and send out a new ping inviting you back. If there was 30 minutes or more to go before the promised close time, I’ll do the same.

How can I join the ping list?

Comment below asking to be added or send me a DM with a request and I'll add you to the ping list.

Will you notify me in Element when your server goes live next?

I need to do a viability assessment before I can promise anything. If you want to be on the waiting list, send me a DM to let me know and I’ll put you down and if/when it gets launched I’ll let you know via Element.

Will you hold it at a more reasonable time for North America/my time zone?
I plan to. I intend on holding this drop-in server at different times to cover different time zones so that it's suitable for folks wherever they happen to be.

What is Webfishing anyway?
It's a new little cozy game that's based around fishing and feels a lot like Animal Crossing.

How does it work?
It's basically like a chatroom that has a little game attached to it. You don't have to play the game if you just want to chat. The game itself has a very relaxed vibe without any time pressure or specific goals you have to achieve.

Where do I get the game?
It's available on Steam for around $5 USD, less if you're in a developing country.

What if I can't afford to buy the game at the moment?
If it's the one thing that's stopping you from joining, send me a DM and I'll buy a code for you to use as long as you are a Hexbear user with an account that isn't brand new.

Can I join if I am a lurker, if I do not have a Hexbear account, or if I found this via another part of the Fediverse?

What if I do not identify as being neurodivergent?

Of course. As long as you adhere to the Server Ground Rules listed at the bottom of this post you are invited to join the server.
You do not have to identify as neurodivergent to join the server, I've just been posting on here as I gradually grow this project and improve it to avoid overextending myself. In due course I hope to start promoting this to the whole site but for now I've still got my training wheels on.

You are not expected to be an active Hexbear user with an account in order to join the server - everyone is welcome.

What are the system requirements?
They are reasonably low. You need a device that can run Steam (like a PC, a laptop, or a handheld device such as a Steam Deck or similar.)
You can read more about the specific system requirements on the Steam page to see if your device is up to the task of running the game.

Can I join the server straight after downloading the game?
There is a brief, mandatory tutorial that the game makes you do when you play for the first time. It should only take you a few minutes to play through though. After you have completed the mandatory tutorial you will be able to join a server and start chatting/playing.

Do I have to RSVP? How long do I have to stay if I join?
You don't need to RSVP, just show up whenever you're ready to while the server is running.
You don't have to stay for any longer than you want to. You can even just pop in to say hello and then head off straight after if you like.
If you mention that you are interested in joining the server for this event in the comments section below, I will ping you when it goes live.
If you want to be part of the main ping list, just say so and every time a new post about the next upcoming peer space gets posted I’ll ping you so you get a notification that another one is happening soon.

Do I have to use my Hexbear username?
No. I'd recommend that you don't so that way you have some separation between your account here and your character in Webfishing.

Will it be moderated?
You bet it will be. I will be in there the whole time and I will moderate the space to maintain its safety.

Is there an age requirement to join the server?
I cannot guarantee with 100% certainty that the server will be safe or suitable for minors so you are only permitted to join if you are 18+.
I will do my best to ensure the server is safe but people may chose talk about heavy subjects or topics that are inappropriate for minors and I do not want to expose minors to undue risks.
I cannot check your ID at the door but please keep in mind that you need to be an adult in order to join.

A Casual, non-Peer Support server are currently being trialled for viability where the rules are stricter on acceptable discussion but which is open to all ages.

If you would like to be added to the non-Peer Support list then please send me a DM requesting to be added to that peer list. All users on the main ping list will also be notified of the casual non-Peer Support server going live.

Please DO NOT comment below letting everyone know that you are a minor – don’t announce your age online in public spaces especially if you aren’t an adult, please.

What's the difference between the Peer Support server and the casual one?

All users will be expected to keep things age-appropriate in the casual server.
Currently the casual server is going live on an ad-hoc basis without advanced notification, mostly by request at the moment.
I will be there to moderate however my engagement is less intensive to allow me to manage the demands on me. Think of it as a low key hang out space to chat with whoever is in the server but not as a space where I will be able to provide peer support.

Can I make a request for you to start the casual server?

You can try.
I will make no guarantees but if I am available, if I have enough energy, and if checked my inbox, I'll probably make it happen.

What can I talk about in the Peer Support server?
Almost anything.
Don't dox yourself or others, don't be abusive or make threats against others, but basically if it wouldn't break the rules here then it won't break the rules in the server.
For more a detailed and explicit explanation of the rules, the Server Ground Rules can be found at the bottom of this post.

What if I don't have anything to talk about?
I don't mind. You can just hang out in the server and play the game or be a part of the group.

Why are you offering this?
I used to be a peer worker and I have worked in the disability and mental health sectors. This is something that I have done professionally (only face to face, not online) and it's a way of providing support to this community if there is anyone who would like to chat or to seek peer support.
It can be hard to access mental health supports for a variety of reasons. This is my modest attempt to make accessing mental health supports a little bit easier.

Is this like a life coaching/neurodivergent coaching thing?
No. While I have been trained in different coaching methods, as it is a group space and as there isn’t necessarily continuity in how your accounts will appear to me in different sessions if you choose to change your details, along with the fact that there is no accountability and goal-tracking being offered alongside consistent bookings (not to mention that I will not be keeping casenotes on my end), formal coaching is beyond the scope of this server.
I may draw upon coaching methods in the server as I see fit but this server is not a suitable space for an ongoing coaching mode of support.

Are you a qualified therapist or doctor?
Absolutely not and I'm not attempting to be one.
I can offer support as a peer, I can share based on my own experiences and understanding of things, but I cannot be more than that.

Is this space a crisis service or an emergency service?
Absolutely not. I am not equipped to handle a mental health crisis for pseudo-anonymous people remotely via an online co-op game.
If you are in crisis, you will need to access the local crisis services available to you.
If it is an emergency, you will need to call your country's emergency number.

Is it a secure platform? How do I protect my identity in this game?
The public info on your Steam profile page will be visible to others so I strongly recommend setting your profile page to private and choosing a profile pic and setting the username to something that doesn't identify you and is generic to make it effectively unsearchable (e.g. using a name like Krupskaya or Azerty or Salton Sea). You can also make a burner Steam account for additional privacy if you like.
The platform is not secure (nor is this one that you're on now), so it is not like Matrix/Element. I strongly recommend using a VPN to conceal your IP. I cannot guarantee what the game has on the back end. Treat it a you would the Hexbear Visual Cuisine on cy.tube.
Be very careful about giving out too much info or info that is too specific. You can be vague, you can throw out false info about your situation, and you can simply choose not to divulge info at all.

How many people are permitted in the server at any given time?
There is a maximum of 12 people allowed in the server currently and it is first come, first serve.
I will try and keep an eye on the numbers and in the unlikely event that the server hits 10+ guests then I will invite people to consider whether they are ready to move on in order to allow other people to join.
I may choose to revise these numbers downwards based on the demands for moderation, my PC’s ability to cope with the demands of hosting the server, and to ensure that people in the server get a chance to chat with me.

What's the server's position on ableism?
Ableism targeting another person is strictly forbidden.
The use of ableist slurs and the denigration of people based on ability/disability is strictly forbidden.
Unfortunately our culture and language is deeply ableist. Casual use of ableist language is discouraged but it is not policed; examples of casual ableism are: "Is it dumb to feel this way?". "I feel like I'm stupid for not figuring this out earlier", and "My boss went completely psycho at me".
There are alternative words that can be used however this space recognises that self-expression is fundamental to its functioning and I cannot demand that people change their use of language instantaneously or to treat communication in the server like it's some sort of crossword puzzle they have to solve in order to get their message across.
"You are dumb" is absolutely not permitted. "[x group of marginalised people] are dumb" is absolutely not permitted. "Why do people have to act so dumb just because they see a guy wearing nail polish?" is a tolerated form of casual ableism in the server—although it is not condoned—while creativity and the use of alternative non-ableist terms is encouraged.
You will be able to prompt me to yap about this topic for as long as you care to listen if you happen to ask me about it in the server.

Are you insured for this?
No.
The pleasure is mine but the liability is yours.

Do you offer refunds?
Sure, but it's a free service so it's not worth asking for a refund on that.
Due to the current limitations of the time-space continuum, I will be unable to refund you your time.

Do you wear wigs?

Server Ground Rules:

• No oppressive speech - no racism, sexism, queerphobia (including transphobia) etc.
• Be respectful of others - be kind, don't be a jerk.
• Don't record the server, don't spread the things that another person has said in the server around to others - if you have any concerns or complaints about my conduct or anyone else's then let me know either in the server or on Hexbear so I can address it.
• Verbal warnings/kicks/bans are up to my discretion - adhere to the first three ground rules, keep the space safe for yourself and others, and you'll be fine.
• Use of a VPN is strongly encouraged
• Keep your OpSec practices in mind at all times
• Consent is fundamental to every part of the server - you are always allowed to say that you don't want to do something or that you don't want to talk about something. Your choice will be upheld in the server.
• I am not a therapist or a doctor and I cannot be a replacement for them
• This is a casual peer support space not a crisis or emergency service.
• There is a maximum of 12 people allowed in the server and it is first come, first serve
• The server is for people who are 18+
• Anyone who agrees to these ground rules is welcome to join the server

Hope to see you there!

Folks, this is it.

After more than six months on Wellbutrin, being the unfocused mess I've always been, and being treated like a criminal and/or child by the most condescending, inconsiderate psychiatrist I've ever had the displeasure of seeing, I decided to say fuck it and find another professional.

For six months, I've been made to wait by my health insurance provider for an ADHD test that never came. I'm on a mysterious waiting list that moves forward at a pace that is known only to the Nether Gods and in all likelihood I'll never get to do this test anyways. All of this because apparently a psychiatrist does not have the authority to say "hey, I think you have ADHD, let's try a first-line treatment and see if it works for you." Silly me, thinking a psychiatrist would be able to diagnose a psychiatric disorder.

Well, my new psychiatrist decided to try a new approach: I've been on Lithium before, because a GP thought I might be bipolar. It didn't work, because... I'm not bipolar. So let's try ADHD medicine and if it works, then, well... in all likelihood, I truly do have ADHD.

Folks, it seems I do have ADHD. Vyvanse (actually Lisvenx, same medication, different name) works a treat. A goddamn treat, I say.

Yesterday felt like the first day of the rest of my life. Cheesy cliché, I know, but holy fucking shit it feels like an entirely new world has been opened to me. I taught five lessons without feeling like I was going to fall asleep for even a single moment. My mind is focused, and my internal monologue is only one audio track instead of four.

I have energy, I don't feel my eyes trying to shut on their own. I can simply get up and fucking do things. Easy things are easy to do. Difficult things are difficult to do for the correct reasons. I defeated the Fromsoft ADHD field boss: I folded all my laundry and put it away.

How did I spend more than 30 years of my life not feeling like this? How many opportunities did I lose, how many things did I abandon because I felt like I wasn't capable of doing them, not because of my lack of competence, but rather because there was an invisible wall of inability between me and even the simplest task? I now realize how much of a fucking legit disability ADHD is.

This is only my second day on this medication so I'm afraid that things might not always be like this from now on. I'm afraid that this effect may only be an initial honeymoon phase and I'll eventually go back to how I was before. If that ever does happen, though, I'll know that that disorganized mess of a human being is not all that I can be.

I can be better. There is hope.

This has been a life-changing experience for sure, and I hope that every single person who needs ADHD medication does get the opportunity to at least try it once, if only to realize that a better life is, in fact, possible.

i can't tell by facial/social/verbal cues

if i ask them they get mad at me

literally what do i do lmao

I haven't felt anything besides low burning self contempt for years. Emotions like sadness and happiness elude me. I haven't sincerely shouted for joy or wept in years. I also have no desire to get close to other people and form relationships. This makes it nigh impossible for me to give a shit about even important things. While I don't feel much pain anymore, I also lack the spark that makes life worth living. I feel like a soulless automaton.

Does this sound like it's related to neurodivergence? I'm 100% depressed, but years of therapy and various different medications haven't done much, so I feel like there must be more to it.

I used to see myself as a person who prided themselves in not letting shit bother me, be it something really sad, scary, happy or funny, I repeatedly told myself I wouldn’t let it affect me. And that worked for a long time sure, but eventually it all comes out in one way or another.

And when it came out, it wasn’t pretty, it took the form as (what felt like) a complete loss of control. I hoped to have a cathartic release and feel a range of emotions, but I genuinely felt like I had to thoughts attributed to what was happening. Even though I fully knew I was in control, I kept telling myself that something else was controlling me (it felt that way because my brain was going faster than my mouth if that makes sense). My brain is usually somewhat ahead of my mouth (I fucking hate this but it’s why texting/writing comes so much easier)

I’ve for the longest time tried to explain to others why I’ve felt trapped in my mind, but I can’t really get any help because most of the time the people in my life tell me “whatever is happening to you, it’s not coming from god” which seems like such a fucking absurd thing to say.

It's not a supply issue.

Apparently, every controlled prescription requires approval from some corporate office, and they haven't replied to my pharmacist's requests. I have to follow up every day but I often forget to.

Something about my physician's DEA number conflicts with Walmart's database. I'm never told the details. It happens nearly every time.

If I finally get it filled on the 12th, a couple days from now, I'll have to wait until December 12th to request again. That means, effectively, I get a 30-day supply every ~42 days.

I'm coming to the end of a three-day weekend. I had nothing but free time and a dozen creative TankieTube projects on my mind's desk that would have brought me joy to work on. However, because I've been rationing myself only three capsules per week, I lost all that time to attention traps on the internet. I'm grieving it.

^Previous^ ^Adderall^ ^lore:^ ^2023^ ^October^^,^ ^2024^ ^August^

Realizing I’m somewhere on the probably somewhere on the spectrum, and I can clearly see others in my life where not behaving in a typically autistic way near power, will attain a desired result. I know because I’ve tried in both ways, and “falling in line” works most of the time if you don’t touch any number of buzzwords.

It’s just I’m watching a video right now where someone is critiquing Corey in the house in some way to the sociopolitical underpinnings of the themes in the show

Thinking like in the context of how to read Donald Duck. And some things are just off limits

It was a hard day. Got a message from my landlord saying the police were bothering him because our visas were expired. They weren't. Had to go to the police station and get it squared away. So anxious the whole time. (Of course there was nothing to worry about, but that doesn't matter for emotional regulation). Afterwards couldn't hold it in and ended up crying in public. Went home and could barely stand, my feet hurt from the stress. Ordered safe food from meituan. My partner gets the door, and the delivery river says "I'm glad you're here" in broken English.

This is why I moved here. When I'm so hurt I can't even make eye contact, let alone start up conversations (which I can barely do in English, let alone Chinese), people actually notice. They actually care. So much so that a random delivery rider would go out of his way to speak a language other than his own. I'm so happy I'm alive.

With my last partner I’ve learned quite a bit especially putting my needs and myself first, I am lonely but if I don’t vibe with someone then I shouldn’t just get with them because of what I’m feeling. I have to give myself space and time to find the right person I click with. That being said, I feel somewhat ashamed and sad that the person I’ve been on two dates with might not be compatible with me, they’re very nice, they’re funny, and in the first date I felt we clicked but the second, I just don’t know. I was trying to figure out if it was my self sabotaging behavior preventing me from being happy but I don’t think it is. I like them but I feel like they would be better off with someone more outspoken maybe? I wasn’t feeling too well on the second date either, I was also scared of catching Covid (I have something now so wish granted) and I was generally in a lot of pain, I should’ve said something but I didn’t and when the date was coming to a close I couldn’t do it anymore and said I wanted to go home. I was upset because they were sad and I could tell because they were more quiet near the end, and any reason I had for not wanting to continue hanging out felt like an excuse.

Maybe it’s just me, they know a lot and they’re smart but I feel they’re not my type and they deserve better. I’m just like wallpaper a dull boring person and they’re the opposite of that.

It is very tiresome and painful for me (AuDHD) because of the:

1. Open office setup which leaves me unable to slack comfortably when I have reached my limit, leading me to overwork
2. The forced socializing because I have to negotiate with the rest of the developers and testers, while having to mask throughout the whole day (I reached the point where most days I don't eat with the rest of the devs but I just eat alone to recharge)
3. The fact that most of my working time consists of waiting for the programs to compile, while I just scroll on the phone in waiting mode and feeling very understimulated
4. The long commute (2h back and forth), which combined with the 8h of work have left me with no time and energy for my personal interests. I imagine neurotypicals also suffer greatly from this, but as my interests are a fundamental part of my identity I feel like my self has been completely squashed to fit into the "job mode" box
5. My work PC is monitored so I can't even go into this site or talk with my leftist gf and friend group (also occasional drug users). I need this communication and shitposting time as a break from work yet I don't have it. I feel socially castrated
6. The daily status report meetings force me to work even on days where I can't fucking take it anymore just so I have something to say, and also interrupt me while I am working by forcing a context switch

I just cope by using drugs bi-weekly (pregabalin, psychedelics and dissociatives) but even then instead of enjoying the trip I always come back to venting about work and capitalism to my poor gf

Have you found some trick to survive while working, without getting burnt out? I want to listen to your experiences. If this post isn't appropriate for this comm, feel free to delete it

Im gonna increasr the autisms by at least three

Im bad with kids but the other job im training for is with adults 30 minutes by car away so i cant afford that gas to stay there forever

I'm particularly looking for time management/organizational stuff that helps with inattentive ADHD, but please do share anything you think could be helpful to anyone else.

jk, of course. honestly feels a little shitty to make this joke, but I know she's not on Hexbear and it helps me feel better about this situation, so 🤷😂

jfc, it is genuinely shocking to understand this as her impression of me – just not at all the social feedback that I am used to

cannot tell you how many times I have been told I come off bitchy and c*nty and self-righteous – that sentence was genuinely astounding and I am still reeling, hence the post

officially AuDHD, with suggestion to seek OCD help as well

if you've been assessed, how did you feel about your results? did it take you a year to fully assimilate them? 😂 feeling like it's gonna take me at least that long to really take all of this in