I proposed to my wife by kidnapping her and putting her in a custom built underground cell for a week depriving her of natural light and only feeding her white rice and Gatorade. Every night I'd blast the theme song to Barney at full volume into the cell.

Finally I came down in a mask with a box and told her she had to see what was inside, and sure enough it was a ring.

She said no, and now im doing five years in prison

The Clint Eastwood gif in the original thread is most appropriate.

I'd say yes just to take the ring, sell that bitch, buy some Pabst and just get tanked.

What a fucking clown.

What the FUCK

This is grounds for murder tbh. Straight up mock execution

I literally can't. I've made a big sign that I carry out and about that says "LOOKING FOR A SWITCH2-FREE GIRL FRIEND" and I've only met one woman with it and she had a Switch2 and said she thought I was joking and I said I definitely wasn't and then a bunch of stuff that my lawyer told me not to talk about happened.

Sucks.

Ah yeah Inside Edition, being classy since forever.

coming around to the conclusion that the cishets have never been okay

how did this moron get a first date?

are you saying I should cancel my plans to fake an active shooting to propose to my gf

Incredibly fucked up but also so funny at the same time

Look ive had some bad ideas before but at least I never got close to this

Lmao.

he is hacking the suspension bridge effect.

Jesus Christ, what could possess a man to do that

didn't watch the whole thing, did she still say yes?

Y'all should've never wished me back with those dragonballs

Jesus Christ. I clicked on it thinking about a story Boonta Vista covered where a dude ran a stop sign on campus intending to be pulled over by the campus cop for his "prom-posal" (Americans, you are insane) and seriously injuring another student on a motorbike but this is so much worse. Men are broken tbh. Not in like a redemptive way or anything we just really fucking suck.

Bro what the fuck

This can't be fucking real. Holy shit what the actual fuck.

meanwhile, i'm like

My database does not encompass the dynamics of human pair bonding.

Connor O'Malley?

I already told my boyfriend, if I didn’t have him, I’d have chosen the bear a long time ago. I know he wouldn’t do anything like this to me. We haven’t had the marriage conversation though.

How the absolute fuck is this considered attractive?

this is actually demonic

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