679
True love (i.postimg.cc)
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] GrammatonCleric@lemmy.world 159 points 10 months ago

"What's with all the bags of ice?"

[-] DrugsMcChrist@lemmy.ml 47 points 10 months ago

so you say you always bring an empty cooler with you on a first date. that's interesting

[-] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 16 points 10 months ago

Takes off all clothes to get ready for some love making .... "What? You want me to wash my body first? .... OK?" ....everything goes black

[-] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

"Why does everything smell like iodine and pine needles..... /slump

[-] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

Last thought before passing out, "awe, I'm going to miss out on all the sex."

[-] lugal@lemmy.ml 96 points 10 months ago

Drop the bullshit and tell me your exact blood type

[-] dan1101@lemm.ee 27 points 10 months ago
[-] militaryintelligence@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

Dr. Jan Itor

[-] moistclump@lemmy.world 60 points 10 months ago

Partner for “life”.

[-] nevemsenki@lemmy.world 60 points 10 months ago

Of all the things in that picture, what bothers me still is why only London written in cyrillic?

[-] PermanentlyJetlagged@lemmy.world 38 points 10 months ago

It’s the way Tinder renders. ‘Lives in’ shows up in the language/alphabet of the app of the creator of the profile, while all other headers are processed in the language of the viewer of the profile.

It actually serves as a decent trick for learning the language settings on the app of a person who’s profile you’re viewing.

[-] ickplant@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

You know what, same.

[-] konalt@lemmy.world 46 points 10 months ago
[-] photonic_sorcerer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 10 months ago

Watch out, or she'll fix you

[-] creditCrazy@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

The benefits of having a gf surgin

[-] EarthShipTechIntern@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago

If she's surgin' for cash, she may bring in a surgeon to grab your kidneys

[-] robocall@lemmy.world 38 points 10 months ago

She didn't ask for him to have a job

[-] ickplant@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago

Or be over 6'. You have a point.

[-] kautau@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago

Organ dealers don’t see height 🥺😍

[-] tubaruco@lemm.ee 18 points 10 months ago

they dont care about appearance, what they do care about is whats inside!

[-] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 33 points 10 months ago

Respond to the posting with you mentioning that you live alone and have O- negative blood type cause fuck it you only live once.

[-] niktemadur@lemmy.world 30 points 10 months ago

There were urban legends back in the 80s and 90s about tourists in beach resort cities hooking up with attractive women in bars and discos, going back to their apartments or hotel rooms to keep drinking, passing out, then waking up next day... without the corneas of their eyes! Completely blind!

[-] Buck@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago

The one I used to hear was waking up in a tub of ice without one or both kidneys

[-] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago

A friend of mine many many years ago met a girl on a dating site and mentioned it to his mom. She announced that it was a kidney harvesting scam and would not let him go on the date unless he agreed to check in with her afterwards. During the date she texted him multiple times to watch his drink and make sure he doesn't get his kidneys harvested. When he didn't respond fast enough she called me and made me promise I would go and rescue him if it happened. After the date she wouldn't accept text messages that everything was fine. He had to call her and make sure that she could hear his voice. She also called me again and asked me to drop by his apartment to make sure he was there.

She really was a nice woman, just a bit touched.

[-] iviattendurefort@lemmy.ml 20 points 10 months ago

"What kind of decent, good-looking woman would want to go out with my son"

[-] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Haha I promise you it wasn't like that. It was the whole dating someone via the Internet that set off her.

[-] Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works 25 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

goes on date

Man- "lets play a game, i tell you what i like about you and you tell me what you like about me.

Olga- "how valuable your are to me" (whispers under her breath) "economalicly"

[-] creditCrazy@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Eh more of a operation guy tbh

[-] faintwhenfree@lemmus.org 3 points 10 months ago

Economalicaly, haha pure gold

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] fluckx@lemmy.world 24 points 10 months ago

Sounds more like a "till death do us part" rather than a long time partner to me :/

[-] phx@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago

"lifetime" partner :-)

[-] jcdenton@lemy.lol 14 points 10 months ago
[-] _number8_@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago

must reside within 5 hectares of the М̷̩̦̩͕̆̈́̇̊о̶̡͉̱̺͉̦̐̍̍͗̋р̶͇͍̈̆͋о̷̨̝̺̪̥̱̹̫̦̝̝̥͚̺͐̓͋̾͒̋̏͐̈́͌̊̎͜͝з̶̧̡̹̜̪̟̭̤͚̤͎̳̓̉͋͘ͅо̷̨̦̋в̸̙̙̑ͅо̵͓̹̲͕͈̫͇̤̾̄̐͊͑̅͗̌͌̅͘ city-centre

[-] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 11 points 10 months ago

"What's with the fava beans and that nice bottle of chianti?"

[-] art@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

🚩🚩🚩🚩

[-] NegativeLookBehind@kbin.social 10 points 10 months ago

Must enjoy ice cold baths!

[-] levmyskin@feddit.it 9 points 10 months ago

Way too suspiciously specific

[-] hlqxz@lemmy.ml 9 points 10 months ago

Well one more reason to do drugs

[-] Ryan213@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Hey, that's me! I have both lungs/kidneys, even heart rhythm, don't smoke, drink, etc. Where's...NOHAOH?

[-] pendulum_@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago
[-] PipedLinkBot@feddit.rocks 1 points 10 months ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

https://piped.video/j29i9lL-DA8?si=A5w6qH0rsW40Ppj9

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

[-] Porka_911@sopuli.xyz 8 points 10 months ago

Handcuffs first date, I'm out

[-] bappity@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago
[-] Porka_911@sopuli.xyz 2 points 10 months ago

It says London. Odd it's in Cyrillic script.

[-] EarthShipTechIntern@lemm.ee 1 points 10 months ago

She's uni-boob! From Russian London

[-] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

high value bearer bond life insurance also a plus.

[-] Sibbo@sopuli.xyz 6 points 10 months ago

If you leave out the hardworking those standards are actually quite low

[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago
load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2023
679 points (98.3% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26146 readers
3452 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS