What a shitty fucking piece of writing.

The entire premise of "haha, we gotta kill Osama!" three MONTHS after 9/11 was already stale. Popular, I suppose, but definitely stale.

The entire top section is meant to tie in to the ending "Ocean's" reference, which I'm struggling to be kind to since it seems so old and irrelevant now. But in 2001... ok. Was she filing a word/letter quota? Did you need that many old-ass idioms that even my mid-30s ass had to run through my mental collective "boomer shit" search directory to decipher. I'm not a Pulitzer Prize winner though, so, maybe I'm out of my league here.

The most egregious part though, by far, is referring to Dick "Darth Vader on his 14th fake heart by age 40" Cheney as having swagger. Rumsfeld was (RIP in piss) shit, but unfortunately many, I dunno, bored suburban moms(?) found him charming in a way. There's videos of him walking out to the press and fairly successfully, at the time, doing what Kirby now can only mimic like a cheap ripoff or the classic "copy of a copy of a copy." He was quick and had this fake confidence people liked. It aged like shit of course.

Cheney though? I don't think he really tried to sell himself as anything other than what he was. Just a rich asshole with no compassion for anything. Quite literally one of the most genuinely terrifying, to me, people to ever hold power in my lifetime. Young people who didn't experience him on TV all the time should go look some videos up.

And the last part is just funny because I know she didn't intend it, but it's kinda ambiguous if she means like the Bush admin guys did 9/11 or they're the ones responsible for dealing with the fallout.

I'm glad with today's science we have proven beyond doubt that Jeb and W did indeed rig the towers with explosives before 9/11. People like to blame the Saudis (Islamophobic much, guys?) or Israelis (seriously, antisemitism now???) or "ohhh it was some guys the CIA once helped prop up!" No. It was W and his somehow more dopey little bro. Science has proven it. Also, watch Loose Change. Ra is Jesus and Jesus is the son... sun? You aren't ready for that undiluted shit.

The paper of record

Remember she won a Pulitzer for slut-shaming Monica Lewinksy, painting her as a bimbo, "predatory", and Bill was the victim all along. Dowd is the face of internalized misogyny, in her columns she only takes on female politicians and victims of sexual harassment in politics.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0196859917707920

My community college journalism professor would have punched my mouth loose if I wrote something like that

Wasn't she also one of the biggest Iraq War boosters? I remember her name floating around on the /r/Sino subreddit as one of the biggest warmongers at the NYT, which seems like a hell of a high bar to clear

I regret to inform people that this does exist and somehow gets even hornier as it goes on

Reader discretion is advised

Her brain is just soying at pointing at in an endless broken loop. New thing? Slot it into one of the soyfaces.

It's endsville for that bum ~~Osama~~ Courier. Time to send him to the big casino. That Clyde can't hide. When that crumb is gone, ring-a-ding

-Benny Fallout New Vegas

i too consider dick cheney a man of september 11th, maureen

She seems like a real-life piece of misogynistic fiction. If I hadn't seen her giving interviews, I'd wonder if "Maureen Dowd" was really some fossilized patriarchal hack from the 1800s still trying to make the case that giving women newspaper columns would yield nothing but frivolous and vapid takes that could be replaced by a sign in the middle of the same space reading "the men are off today."

the man of sept. 11:

Alright settle down Bugsy; Seriously, why is she talking like a private investigator in an old black and white movie?

"It's endsville for that bum Osama. Time to send him to the big casino. That Clyde can't hide. When that crumb is gone, ring-a-ding."

If someone actually talked like that in front of me I'd laugh in their face.

Where I'm from, we care less about the watch on your wrist and more about how many people you've watched die on your order

I would die of cringe if someone wrote about me like this

This almost reads like it's AI generated.

Oh... OH. OSAMA, not

Yeah, that reads a little differently

Maureen please lay off the jazz cigarettes

there is this thing in american lib speak where they always have to mention some shitty "the current Plastic" thing to confirm their class loyalty or some shit .. might just be sponsorships and they have contracts to put in stanley Cups and Marvel movies in their unhinged warmonger fantasies..

That last line goes kinda hard, ngl.

She is NOT Kurt Vonnegut

brainrot