Yeah. You would have had to triangulate your way around to getting the information that is exactly the information that you knew already that it was.

"Sir, I need you to go to the oil that you used and check if it is non-hydrogenated or hydrogenated. It should be printed on the back of the label."

"What do you mean, I never had this problem before"

"Yes, I'm aware, they have changed the oil constitution recently. I'll be able to resolve this problem for you, I just need to know if the oil is hydrogenated or not."

"I don't see what that has to do with anything"

"Can you just check the back of the bottle, please? Then I'm sure we'll be able to get your recipe working again"

"Okay, well I didn't actually use oil, I used toothpaste because it was expired and I wanted to get rid of it"

"Aha! Okay, I understand sir. I'm glad we were able to get to the bottom of the issue you're having. So, if you make the recipe with toothpaste, it definitely won't taste the same or have a good consistency. I think if you switch back to using oil you'll find that the pancakes still taste the same as they used to"

"But I think I should be able to use toothpaste."

"Absolutely. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

Yeah, Rule 0 of tech support is “users lie.”

Oh, you already rebooted? Okay, well maybe your power cable is loose. Go ahead and shut down for me real quick, so you can unplug that power cable and plug it back in. Great, now that you’ve power cycled your computer, the problem is fixed? Glad I could help.

Dude, ages ago when I did tech support. A simple question like: "are the lights on your modem on?" was met with a yes. Then after an hour of troubleshooting you find out, in fact, no they weren't on the entire time and the modem was unplugged. Like, you lied, you never even checked. The real questions then become: why was the modem unplugged? Who unplugged it? What reason does one have for unplugging their modem?

I remember one call where the customer didn't know where the Start button was. I told them that it was the button on the lower left-hand corner of the screen. She said that she clicked it and everything went black. Turns out she hit the power button on her monitor.

After you click it, the Start Menu will appear. While the Start Menu is showing, there are some icons all the way to the left, and one of them is called Control Panel. Oh, you pushed the power button and it's off now? Okay... Push the power button to turn the computer back on. You already did? You pushed it again and it powered off? Turn the computer back on please.

I legit had the following interaction.

Me: Please close all windows you have currently opened. Costumer: Ok, one moment. leaves phone, comes back 2 minutes later. Me: It will take quite long if you are not sitting in front of your computer, can you relocate there? Costumer: I am in front of the computer, i just closed all windows just like you told me. Me: dies internally

I had another client with ADSL, asked them what modem they used: Client: "My modem is colorful and full of lights!"

seriously, tech support is funny shit if it doesn't happen to you.

That is something that often bothers me with many recipes. Often I'm confused why they are using a certain weird ingredient I don't have access to or when they have a step that I don't understand its purpose of and the recipe doesn't explain its reasoning or its reasoning doesn't make any sense. I then have to improvise without any idea if the changes I'm making will significantly impact the final result.

Only very few online recipes I see explain why they are written the way they are.

People... What a bunch of bastards

Wait, really? I was joking, that seems like it would not do any of the things that something like oil or butter would do when baking something.

I love that your concern is the integrity of the brownies, not the sourcing of the blood.