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[-] rockerface@lemm.ee 178 points 4 days ago

Imagine opening a phishing link and suddenly your balls are taken hostage by a hacker

[-] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 109 points 4 days ago
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[-] cooopsspace@infosec.pub 41 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or I'll give you an errection in front of the HR manager."

Or worse

"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or you'll never get an errection again.*

[-] rockerface@lemm.ee 24 points 4 days ago

Even worse

"You are now on a per-boner subscription plan"

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[-] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 24 points 4 days ago

Future kink

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[-] drathvedro@lemm.ee 33 points 3 days ago

I don't want a kill-switch. I want a turbo-button to slice metal sheets with a jet of cum.

[-] i_ben_fine@lemmy.one 6 points 3 days ago

is this one of them brandnewsentences?

[-] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 7 points 3 days ago

You need a button for that?

If you are experiencing pressure issues just mitigate the issue by adding acids (via special infection cultures in the balls) to the cum, or some abrasive materials (jagged kidney/bladder stones perhaps?).

[-] jrbaconcheese@yall.theatl.social 86 points 4 days ago

There’s a big difference between this and getting snipped. The difference is, like, vast. It’s a vast difference.

[-] kboy101222@sh.itjust.works 20 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

More of a vas deferens I think

[-] jrbaconcheese@yall.theatl.social 54 points 4 days ago

Yes, indeed, you said the funny part aloud.

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[-] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 109 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

After you get snipped, it's potentially weeks/months before you are shooting blanks, a switch like this is less of babies/no babies and more like babies/accidental babies.

Edit: sorry for facts on shit post

[-] ReputedlyDeplorable@lemmy.world 57 points 4 days ago

Yes here is an article about it. Article

The relevant part. “The binary nature of the Bimek SLV might make it seem that you can switch off your potency at will, but the body will need time to flush existing sperm out of the system, as it were. The ever-helpful FAQ says that it may take up to three months, or “until about your 30th ejaculation.” Whichever comes first is a question only you can answer.”

[-] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 62 points 4 days ago

30th ejaculation? pfft, hold my beer and watch this.

[-] billiam0202@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago

Yep. For anyone who's that serious about not having children, that's more like an incentive.

Source: got snipped.

[-] clif@lemmy.world 34 points 4 days ago

When I got mine, the doc said I should wait about two weeks then "ejaculate as frequently as possible" before returning for the scheduled checkup/semen test.

Doctor's orders! 🫡

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[-] nicknonya@lemmy.blahaj.zone 57 points 4 days ago

i like how each tube has an individual switch. for when you only want some cum

[-] Sidyctism2@discuss.tchncs.de 33 points 4 days ago

Its so you can decide if its gonna be a boy or a girl

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[-] tiredofsametab@kbin.run 22 points 3 days ago

click

Before continuing, please accept the following terms and conditions.... [35 pages of legalese ensue]

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[-] doggle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 51 points 4 days ago

So a toggleable vasectomy.

Trouble is you need a several days (maybe a week or more) and/or a few ejaculations to actually be sterile after a vasectomy... So this isn't the kind of thing that you can flip on in the moment and you're safe.

[-] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Better to keep it off until you and your wife are trying for a kid than keep it on and flip it off for saf(er) sex. Why keep your cum on while you're just walking around?

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[-] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 23 points 4 days ago

I'd imagine most men would only need to actually use the switch twice in their lives anyways. So having to wait a couple weeks wouldn't be too bad.

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[-] merari42@lemmy.world 62 points 4 days ago

This, but I want the voice command changed to "Go go gadget genitalia"

[-] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 26 points 4 days ago

I'd just want the Super Mario power-up/power-down sound effects.

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[-] kokesh@lemmy.world 43 points 4 days ago

Great! Someone should write HomeAssistant integration!

[-] Gestrid@lemmy.ca 29 points 4 days ago

"Hey, Google, I'm having sex!"

Google turns down the lights and turns on the balls.

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[-] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 49 points 4 days ago

wait till this comes with a monthly subscription

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[-] PenisWenisGenius@lemmynsfw.com 57 points 4 days ago

I discovered this amazing life hack. If you never talk to women, you'll never have sex with one and then you'll never have kids.

[-] lemmytellyousomething@lemmy.dbzer0.com 32 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I discovered a life hack to have sex without such a tool without getting anyone pregnant....

🏳️‍🌈

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[-] neuracnu@lemmy.blahaj.zone 47 points 4 days ago

Hang on one second babe…

(clap-clap)

[-] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 22 points 4 days ago

Things you don't want tied to a clapper may include this device.

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[-] Holzkohlen@feddit.de 32 points 4 days ago

I'd just forget which one is on and which one is off. Also I have zero need for the on setting.

[-] pH3ra@lemmy.ml 43 points 4 days ago

Remember to flip the switch back on when you need to pee

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[-] crusty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 3 days ago

That's either a very small finger or a very large dick

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[-] IzzyScissor@lemmy.world 26 points 4 days ago

I see two casings for switches. Do you have to toggle each ball individually or something?

Also, how do you remember which way to flip the switch? Can it get turned around?

[-] rmuk@feddit.uk 36 points 4 days ago

Flip them on and off repeatedly to put them in pairing mode.

[-] IzzyScissor@lemmy.world 19 points 4 days ago

"FUCK, I came for longer than 5 seconds. Now I have to go through the factory reset AGAIN."

[-] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 16 points 4 days ago

"You've turned on sticky keys."

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[-] Klnsfw@lemmynsfw.com 32 points 4 days ago

Forget the Codom and Get STIs

[-] Wilzax@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago

Bro forgot about committed and closed relationships

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[-] todd_bonzalez@lemm.ee 30 points 4 days ago

Just redirect my urethra and install a single Y-Valve. Flip the switch up and I cum out the tip, flip the switch down and I cum out my taint.

Ultimate pull-out method.

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[-] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 25 points 4 days ago

Dude imagine getting hit with a groin shot with that fucking thing in your taint

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[-] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

We all know pee is stored in the balls.

So this is just a piss switch.
(Which would actually be a real issue solver for folk with incontinence issues.)

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[-] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 days ago

If this was controlled by your Google home, it would need a battery, which would need to be recharged. Imagine saying "hey Google, turn my balls off" and getting "I can't reach that device" because you forgot to recharge your ball switch last night.....

We're living in the future

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 16 points 4 days ago

This is the real reason Data doesn't tell everyone where his off switch is.

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[-] Heavybell@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

"Mods, deactivate this man's balls."

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this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
700 points (97.7% liked)

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