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Anon goes on a first date (sh.itjust.works)
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[-] Sergio@slrpnk.net 245 points 2 weeks ago

The bad ending:

> learn not to talk about anime and gaming
> change hobbies instantly for a woman
> long-term relationship but miserable

[-] Blackmist@feddit.uk 67 points 2 weeks ago

Pros: Having sex.

Cons: Has to know the names of everybody on Love Island.

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[-] LNRDrone@sopuli.xyz 188 points 2 weeks ago

Any woman that wouldn't be interested in anime and BG3 probably wouldn't be lasting prospect for anon anyway and that's OK. Find a partner that has similar interests to you (and hopefully isn't too crazy) and you've got a decent chance for something that can last.

[-] Vibi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 35 points 2 weeks ago

Sooo true! Every friend I have that has a partner/so has or is playing BG3 together. I love hearing them talk about their adventures and always giggle when they get to the romantic side of things - never any jealousy, just cheering each other on 🤭

[-] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 33 points 2 weeks ago

They dont even have to have similar interests only one. Its more like anime and gaming is a veto for a lot of women and even men from my understanding. People think youre wierd if you do those. I know someone who looks like your typical gym bro so he gets a lot of attention from women but then they get turned off instantly becuase of his hobbies.

[-] slaacaa@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

I think anime is much more “icky” for women than gaming. Gaming has gone fairly mainstream now, but anime is still associated with weirdos

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[-] SirEDCaLot@lemmy.today 117 points 1 week ago

This is why people fail at dating and relationships. They look at it like fishing- that your goal is to tempt a big fish into biting. That is wrong. Dating is a SEARCH. In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics. You aren't trying to persuade the first one you see to like you, you're trying to find the one who already likes you but doesn't know it yet because they haven't met you. The person you are compatible with will like you for who you are. So when this girl rejects him because she doesn't like anime, he should not take that as a personal failing. He should smile and say okay on to the next one.

And if you're into stuff like anime put that shit in your profile. That will attract the right people and screen out the wrong ones. That's not 'making a bad impression', the people for whom anime is a turn off are people who you wouldn't want anyway if you are an anime fan.

[-] isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.de 53 points 1 week ago

In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics.

reported for misinformation

[-] tetris11@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 week ago

All the adverts that I see on my sidebar tell me otherwise

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[-] TonyOstrich@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

I don't disagree with your statement about trying to find someone that shares similar interests and that one meshes with. As you said the mentality that one is trying to "catch" another person is pretty toxic and not the point I am responding too.

Although as an aside, I would critique the behavior of the other person. Dismissing someone based on past experiences with others that share a similar characteristic, or on preconceived notions of something is pretty shitty. I personally always try and give someone the benefit of the doubt and at least a couple of chances to shine. First encounters are often awkward AF and it can't always be sparks and magic. (That's an awful lot as an aside, I know 😅)

The one point you made about the potential number of matches is what I really wanted to comment on. It can often be frustrating and disheartening to have someone make a statement that comes across as if finding a partner is almost guaranteed as long as effort is put fourth (I know because I'm there). For reference my city has a population of about 900k people. I recently pulled some stats from the census and Pew Research to estimate what the actual pool of potential partners was like.

Things like number of people in my age range, percent of people in that age range that don't want kids, percent that are in the market, etc. I also tried to avoid stacking percentages that have high correlations like education and political affiliation. The result I got was about 35 people at any given time. The half life on that number refreshing is about 18 months as well.

So all of that before even getting into whether we have the same hobbies or interests, if they find me attractive, and other important factors. It also doesn't help that a lot of my hobbies and life are very heavily male dominated. What few women do exist in the space are usually already in a long term relationship. Even if they are not, I'm absolutely not first pick. I'm not ugly, I'm about average in looks and I do my best to present myself as best I can. Similarly I'm not super successful, but I'm not struggling either. However, when the ratio of men to women is so imbalanced even being in the top 20% or 10% in terms of desirability isn't enough.

So when someone says there is someone out there that is perfect for me or another person, I believe that statement to be true unequivocally in the same way that I believe alien life does, has, or will exist. However I am not likely to ever meet either for the same reason; space is too large, and time is too vast.

All that to say, I can understand why someone like the OP (whether real or not) might feel that way. Logically you are absolutely right and I don't disagree, but we are all still unfortunately human and that craving for love, sex, affection, etc. is annoyingly strong and even needed.

[-] Cornelius_Wangenheim@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

That's a nice sentiment, but there is almost certainly a mismatch in supply and demand for men who are anime and video game nerds.

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[-] henfredemars@infosec.pub 97 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Dating scene is terrible on a good day, and sometimes dates just don’t work out. You can’t base your worth on such things.

Also anon, she’s allowed to decide she’s not interested based on anything you did or did not say. That’s kind of how dating works.

[-] Deceptichum@quokk.au 88 points 2 weeks ago

Shouldn’t your dating profile already mention your interests to avoid this situation?

[-] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 71 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

It probably would but this is completely fake so it didn't

[-] echodot@feddit.uk 16 points 2 weeks ago

Damn for 4chan, can't be bothered to properly flesh out their fantasies

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[-] Pregnenolone@lemmy.world 69 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

As someone who is a bit older than the average 4chan user, but used 4chan when I was that age: don’t change your hobbies for ~~a girl/boy~~ another person.

I get the reason people think this way - but you’ll never be able to hide who you truly are. Find someone who likes you for who you truly are.

And no, not showering isn’t who you truly are. Shower.

[-] SlimeKnight@lemm.ee 24 points 1 week ago

Be the best version of yourself.

Best version showers and wears deodorant.

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[-] andros_rex@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Keep in mind this is a 4chan green text, so the faux pas may have been mentioning Boku No Pico or something less innocent than “anime”

It’s not necessarily about “changing who you are,” it can be about the way you express those hobbies. Some people are definitely unfairly biased against video games and anime, but some people have encountered people who explore those hobbies in an unhealthy way.

Eg, when I am dating, I do avoid people who list gaming as their primary interest, even as a gamer myself. I might message someone who has a particular game I like mentioned in their profile, but rarely. Having gaming and anime listed primarily/only just has not been a good indicator - especially when it is left as generic as “gaming” and “anime.” Balder’s Gate 3 is normie-af and I doubt was the problem.

They can be very isolating hobbies too in how they are pursued - sometimes as a form of escapism for deeper issues. I wasted most of my twenties being a bang maid and mommy for my husband as he rotated through FIFA and Ubisoft releases, and I don’t think my experience is necessarily unique. He had a pastor who almost went through a divorce because of a World of Warcraft addiction. That’s the kind of thing that’s going to flash through most heterosexual women’s minds. It is painful to come home after work to a grunt and a pile of dishes and the flash of the screen. This is not to say that all or most gamers are like this - but if you do game and have a partner, you should sit and think to yourself about how it does relate to the time spent on other types of hobbies.

Another aspect is that receptive/passive hobbies can be less interesting to talk about? Listening to someone rehash a show is usually going to be less interesting then watching the show. Remember that a first date especially needs to have a lot of push and pull. If they haven’t watched the show, a brief this is what it is this is why I like it, what shows do you like? With games, try to find out what games they like first and match their power level. The Sims and farming games are safe and common - and if you make someone feel comfortable by listening to them talk about their Sims legacy challenge, you can talk about the benefits of your Smash main.

But also, the technical aspects of someone else’s hobby are just not something that most will want to listen to, without already having a connection. I’d love if I could make genitals flush by showing off my Hush runs or the fact that one time in Nethack I actually got a character through the mines and to the castle.

[-] MuffinHeeler@aussie.zone 9 points 1 week ago

And use soap

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[-] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 61 points 2 weeks ago

Honestly I loved anime growing up but I went on a date with a guy in college who spent the entire date talking about anime in a manner that communicated his big tit fetish on the first date. Like. I would have loved talking about Inuyasha or fma among a few others I remembered really enjoying. But nope. Anime tiddies. So when I read this I'm like... Are you sure it was the anime dude or was it maybe actually something tangentially related to the anime?

Otoh if it really truly was the anime anon dodged a bullet anyway.

[-] PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago

Maybe anon only watches loli hentai but played it down to 'anime'.

[-] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

This is the problem I've encountered. Anime is fine, it's like any other show/entertainment but it really can attract the wrong type of people. It's why I don't put it in my profile. The person I'm seeing has plenty of "horror" stories like yours too and said they avoid people with that in their profile now even though they like it cause of how weird or obsessive people can get about it.

Kinda sucks cause IMO one of the best parts about it is the ability to create other worlds/universes that live action struggles to do. (Think ATLA anime vs Live action)

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[-] Taleya@aussie.zone 51 points 2 weeks ago

I literally had a birthday picnic last sat with a bunch of incredibly attractive and intelligent women who would not shut the fuck up about bg3. Dude lost nothing of value

[-] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 23 points 2 weeks ago

I was at a house party a couple years ago and had like a 45 minute long conversation about attack on titan with a group of women who did not seem to fit into the anime demographic at all. I didn't even initiate it. The whole time in my head I was like "wtf is happening right now."

[-] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

Ive met girls who spend most of their free time gaming complain things like "all he does is game, hes going no where". Some people have dumb standards for first impressions or are just straight up hypocrites.

That said, in our hyper competitive online dating bullshit timeline, OP should have thought of one of their more interesting skills and hobbys, even if they don't do it as often. Something like "sometime i cook a nice dinner on fridays" or "i like to ice fish in the winter" could have gathered more interest than just games. Even sticking to the gaming genre but mentioning a weekly board game meet sounds more attractive than solo gaming. It isn't necessarily the most fair but we gotta sell our selves even more when trying to connect digitally. There is no body language or other aspects to observe, your handful of pictures and texting is all you got to make a shot, for example, I game more than i ice fish, gaming is less commitment in time, energy, and money, but ice fishing is the more interesting and skill diverse hobby so I'd choose that over gaming for first impressions

[-] Taleya@aussie.zone 24 points 2 weeks ago

Ironically, you're treating dating like a strategy game. Don't.

If you have to lie about who you are, you're gonna get a shit deal

[-] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago

I don't lie about who I am, i just put forward my more interesting qualities before admiting i play 2 hours of minecraft a day. I also don't participate in online dating.

I'd also rather a girl recomend we go ice fishing together as a date than play a game online as a date, so i often put forward my hobbies that are easier to do with other people, like mountain biking or going to a rock climbing gym in hopes of finding some common interests we can share in person.

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[-] Etterra@discuss.online 43 points 1 week ago

Pro tip: if this is your date's reaction to your honest self then it was never gonna work out. You're better off ditching their dead weight and moving on.

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[-] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 40 points 2 weeks ago

Would anon want to be with someone full-time that they had to keep silent about their harmless hobbies?

[-] Kitathalla@lemy.lol 10 points 2 weeks ago

You could replace "keep silent about their harmless hobbies" with a great many other things, and people will say yes. The hobbies thing is relatively tame compared to a great deal of self-directed changes/decisions based on the partner.

[-] B312@lemmy.world 37 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Fake: Anon had the courage to talk with a girl

Gay: anime

[-] Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 week ago

I feel like bg3 is gayer tbh

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[-] rational_lib@lemmy.world 33 points 1 week ago

If you're not a normie, don't match with hardcore normies. Usually it's pretty easy to tell.

[-] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 week ago

Yeah, OP dodged a bullet here.

[-] samus12345@lemm.ee 32 points 1 week ago

If she doesn't like those things she's not worth bothering with. Keep looking.

[-] phlegmy@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 week ago

Nah, it doesn't matter if she likes those things or not. It's about whether or not she supports you having hobbies/interests that she doesn't share.

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[-] Empricorn@feddit.nl 32 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Non-joke response: be true to yourself. OP is fine for liking anime and video games, their date is fine for disliking the same. But don't feel like either one should change or hide themself whether for a single date, or even their "one true soulmate"! Either scenario is not a lasting strategy. Find someone who likes you for you, even if it's difficult and takes time...

[-] CheesyFox@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 1 week ago

if i were to guess, i'd say that for people it's not a problem with those hobbies in particular, but rather with the fact that the question implies you to say the most exciting things you do in a free time, therefore if you answer "anime and playing games" they consider you boring and uninitiative.

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[-] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 week ago

It's not just girls, some people just really don't enjoy anime... me being one of them. I have tried and tried to like it to no avail.

So if a girl was really into anime, that would turn me off because I would assume I would have to at least listen to a lot of anime in my life.

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[-] RedFrank24@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago

I mean... Did they not say what their hobbies were before they met? How do you go on a date with someone without knowing anything about them?

[-] frayedpickles@lemmy.cafe 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Some people go on dates to learn more about people.

But, if any of this story actually happened (which it didn't, but I'm sure has happened), I agree anyone so petty as to decide anime and video games is wrong for a young person...would want to do more homework before wasting their time.

Or maybe just wanted free coffee.

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[-] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 1 week ago

I had a first date yesterday and we spent the entire time talking about anime and videogames. Sounds like OP just had bad luck.

[-] rumba@lemmy.zip 20 points 1 week ago

The trick to being into anime, gaming, and being able to date is to find partners who enjoy the same things.

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[-] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago

Did he put that in his hobbies? That's like going out with someone who likes hiking and being mad when they mention their favorite trail. Anon dodged a bullet.

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this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2025
435 points (96.4% liked)

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