On it

That was incredibly validating. Thank you!

I'd never considered a dichotomy of ecstatic and inhibitory practices like that. This is wild because I stim sometimes and dance when nobody is around and I just sort of feel my body at peace while in motion.

I think I'll look into mantras, though I saw the clear explanation of 'Aum' in the YouTube video posted here so I think I may try that first.

Thank you!

That's fascinating. I can see how my framing of 'managing' is me getting in my own way. I feel like I have to do something with my thoughts or that some thoughts are inherently more valuable than others. I think about wasting time and optimization. It's weird because I think I can see capitalism/ productivity brain.

And that's kind of the goal I started with when making this post. I wanted to meditate, correctly, so I could get my shit together and become more productive. Not to heal, or find a way to relax, or just experience meditation for what it is.

If I'm understanding your comment, meditation is entering a state of mind where one doesn't need to prioritize or focus on any thought. Like it's abolishing the hierarchy of thoughts imposed by one's circumstances?

I am very low on sleep. I'm bad at it, and I'm starting to improve my sleep hygiene. If meditation as I initially interpreted it gets me to sleep, then maybe that's a useful practice to explore. Thanks!

It's funny, in making this post, I'm hearing people saying it's okay for my body and mind to act the way it does. There's this layer of acceptance that makes me glad I brought this question to hexbear.

I really like that. I mean I do the worldbuilding to pass the time or have wish fulfillment to cope with shitty days, but I never really had my characters talk to me about my feelings like that. I was always afraid that would be too cringe. I hate that the idea of being cringe in the privacy of one's own mind can get in the way of a potential avenue for healing.

Thanks for being vulnerable. It makes me feel okay experimenting with a coping strategy.

That's a good point!

I'll give it another shot. I haven't given a good try in a while and hey, yoga can't hurt.

I do worldbuilding too. I don't necessarily find the healing I've come to expect from meditation, but that could just be a me thing. I keep trying to do a chill beach or vacation episode but I crave magic and cool swords.

I'll give that a shot! The weather is cooling down and I've been meaning to be out in the world without my headphones much.

Thank you. I think I fixate on doing things incorrectly a lot when that kind of thinking is counterproductive for meditation.