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Anon is a fighter (sh.itjust.works)
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[-] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 230 points 1 month ago
[-] some_dude@lemm.ee 47 points 1 month ago

Wouldn't it be a "bear naked choke"?

[-] captainjaneway@lemmy.blahaj.zone 29 points 1 month ago

Oh BROTHER this guy stinks!

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[-] Nomad@infosec.pub 125 points 1 month ago

Someone listens to Andrew Tate a little too much.

[-] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

What color is your boo-gah-ee???

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[-] ZMoney@lemmy.world 123 points 1 month ago

I recently saw a gorilla skull. Note how small the brain is and how much extra bone there is to protect it. Punching this would hurt you more than the gorilla.

[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 74 points 1 month ago

That was essentially what I was going to comment.

You punch a skull like that, you're breaking knuckles. It happens vs other humans as it is, no way do you punch a gorilla in the face and do even the same amount of damage your hand takes. You're sure as hell not knocking it out.

As entertainment, the idea is awesome, because I can imagine this relatively small guy squaring up against a silverback, all confident and executing the footwork perfectly, throwing a right hook just as hard as he can, and then there's a spray of blood from his hand, followed by the gorilla turning him into steak tartare in a minute or less.

Has dude never been to a zoo that has gorillas? Back in my prime, I would have been a heavyweight, and I feel like a damn twig next to a gorilla, no matter how much height I have on one. And I've never been that close to one. Seeing them twelve feet away was intimidating as hell.

[-] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 43 points 1 month ago

They're fearsome in a fight, but even more admirably, they don't take themselves that seriously

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HmuTqe9s88

Worth it to watch even for the first couple minutes to hear the sound

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[-] modeler@lemmy.world 38 points 1 month ago

You see those fin-like bones that rise up from the skull? All of that is filled with the muscle that closes the jaw - technically the purpose of these bones is for the muscle to attach to. One bite will slice and crush anything of you that is in his mouth.

Oh, and humans lack a type of fast-twitch muscle fibre that gorillas (and pretty much all non-human mammals) have. This makes their muscles a lot more powerful than ours, no matter what training you do. They will tire faster, but thats probably only during the stomp-on-your-bloody-remains part of the fight.

Oh, and their reaction speed is also faster.

Basically, you have zero chance going mano a mano with a gorilla.

[-] entwine413@lemm.ee 14 points 1 month ago

Yeah, human muscle density is very low, relatively. We have higher myostatin levels than other great apes, likely from developing tools for hunting.

I bet an average chimp would absolutely destroy any top ranked fighter.

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[-] franklinovitch@lemmy.world 98 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"reflexes similar to my speed"

Haha this is a classic French copypasta which is 20 years old and has just been translated by anon.

It is even cited in the French "copypasta" Wikipedia article in the examples section: https://fr.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copypasta

TL;DR: French and fake and gay

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[-] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 80 points 1 month ago

Imagine a toddler who thinks they can beat up you, a grown adult because it learned some karate. That's how threatening you are to a gorilla.

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[-] Tiger666@lemmy.ca 50 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Mike Tyson, in his prime, wanted to fight a gorilla. Mike Tyson was told he would be killed and backed down.

[-] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 23 points 1 month ago

nah but anon is built different

[-] KinglyWeevil@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 month ago

If not for the ethics on the side of the gorilla in terms of making them fight a human, I legitimately do think we should let every single person who thinks they can 1v1 them try. Idiocy of this level voluntarily removing itself from the gene pool is a net good for the species.

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[-] Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 40 points 1 month ago

I have this theory that with proper technique, you can beat anything you can lift in a fight. That being said, Gorillas are too heavy to lift. Conversely, you'll likely have extreme difficulty fighting anything that's too heavy for you to lift. Anything with natural weapons, like sharp teeth, this rule of thumb likely also doesn't apply to. Anything larger than a cat should be considered dangerous by default.

[-] Anamnesis@lemmy.world 40 points 1 month ago

Even cats will fuck you up if they really intend to.

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[-] entwine413@lemm.ee 18 points 1 month ago

The problem with apes is that relative to their size, they have way more muscle mass than humans. They have lower myostatin levels, so their muscle density is ridiculous.

There are humans that could absolutely lift a gorilla, but there's absolutely no chance that they could win a fight against one. Even a strongman is going to struggle against a chimp.

Humans are different because we discovered tools which meant we were more successful hunters. Since large muscles require more calories, natural selection did its thing and we got much weaker.

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[-] Fizz@lemmy.nz 37 points 1 month ago

No way someone who trains mma and boxing would say "just dodge his attacks". This aint anime bro you're going to get hit

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[-] LuxSpark@lemmy.cafe 36 points 1 month ago
[-] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Can we also get Musk v Zuck as the opening?

[-] darkdemize@sh.itjust.works 24 points 1 month ago

I'd rather see Musk and Zuck and Anon vs. the Gorilla.

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[-] Blackmist@feddit.uk 34 points 1 month ago

Apparently gorillas are about 5 times stronger than a chimp, and I've seen what a chimp can do to a person.

Gorillas mostly leave people alone because they don't find us the slightest bit threatening.

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[-] Etterra@discuss.online 33 points 1 month ago

I'm pretty sure 800 lbs of angry silverback would beat whatever krav maga bullshit, but whatever tough guy. Let me just grab a snack before you convince that normally peaceful ape to tear your fucking arm off.

[-] _stranger_@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago

Yeah, we weighs less than an average female gorilla. A preteen probably outweighs him. Newton has a few things to say about what will happen.

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[-] nthavoc@lemmy.today 32 points 1 month ago

Mike Tyson was going to fight a gorilla in his prime. The zoo keepers denied his request. While he can punch a hole in a human's chest, that gorilla was going to rip his arms off with absolutely no effort.

[-] assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago

Please do it anon and make sure you film this great achievement.

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[-] DigitalNeighbor@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago

I think he's on to something... In these times of political and economical uncertainty, we should bring back ancient Rome colosseum style games. Modern fighters taking on wild animals for glory. Give the masses something to get excited about.

Let the man get himself dismembered by a gorilla as part of a bigger event with deadly races and feats of human strength.

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[-] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago

Gorrillas weigh between 219 and 600 lbs

According to Guiness World Records they can lift 1800 lbs.

They have an arm span of over 8 ft.

Feel free to try it but spend some time putting your estate on order, first.

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[-] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 month ago

Gorillas' bones and muscles are way beyond anything this guy could ever experience in his 7 years of fighting idiots. I say idiots because they fight for money and fame, not for survival as a gorilla would. Jesus, their butt probably has more muscle mass than this guy's whole body. BTW, no homo.

[-] Jiggle_Physics@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 month ago

I'd fight a gorilla, and win.

It would be a gun fight, from a distance, but a fight none-the-less, and I guarantee you, I know how to shoot better than a gorilla.

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[-] andybytes@programming.dev 19 points 1 month ago

Why bother fight a gorilla. Just cut the forest down and polute his environment. Steal his children put them in a zoo. Cut off his hands then and turn them into ash trays. We have already dominated the natural world now we are working on dominating future generations.

[-] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago

6 ft 1 1/2 for 189 lbs.

I’m 6’2” and weigh 255lbs. My “ideal” weight tops out at 220.

Muscle weighs more than fat.

OP is a twig, and would get broken like one in an instant. No way he’d even land one punch on a gorilla.

[-] mavu@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 1 month ago

if it wasn't so unethical towards the animals, i would love to let those people go for it.

Could only improve the human gene pool.

[-] idriss@lemm.ee 17 points 1 month ago

Humans aren't physically violent enough to survive a much smaller creature (30-50kg), let alone fighting something just as violent but 10 times bigger.

I would really pay to watch that fight.

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[-] BlanketGuy@lemm.ee 17 points 1 month ago

I say let him. We really don't need people like this anyway.

[-] BigBenis@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago

This made me think of that time my partner's brother told me in complete earnest that he'd be able to jump off a skateboard going 20+ mph and run it out based solely off the fact that the fastest recorded human running speed is 28 mph and therefore he, an average fit 20 y.o. should be able to achieve 75% of that.

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[-] vordalack@lemm.ee 16 points 1 month ago

The gorilla will use his insides as an Onahole when he's finished with him.

[-] henfredemars@infosec.pub 15 points 1 month ago

Anon was a fighter.

[-] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Anon is going to get hole punched through him

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[-] RedditIsDeddit@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

The gorilla will rip his arms off and beat him to death with them before he even attempts to dodge it.

[-] Hugin@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

I got dunk and decide I could beat a brick wall in a fist fight once.

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[-] HappySkullsplitter@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

Anon is dead

[-] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 13 points 1 month ago

All ya doubters sound like Joe Rogan on a chimp rant right now. Gorilla glazers....

[-] matlag@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago

Your best chance to kill a gorilla in a fight is probably to move so much air around him that he catches a f*cking cold and dies from it. If you don't actually touch him you may even have a non-0 survival chance as he ignores you.

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this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
583 points (97.1% liked)

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