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[-] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 27 points 1 day ago

there will be two helicopter crashes and when a tank gets hung up on something, in standard military fashion, someone in the parade, hopped up on diesel fumes will shout "gun gun gun!" and panic fire into the crowd gathering nearby. the event will be spun as antifa terror attack which was successfully repelled.

even though the real culprit will actually have been incompetence at every level.

video footage and audio recordings showing unequivocal evidence of this will be declassified during the truth and reconciliation council acts of 2053.

[-] D61@hexbear.net 5 points 1 day ago

Jokes on you, they make us take out anything that could make a bullet do its job before we go out and do parade stuff around VIP's.

[-] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

hilarious! and probably wise, as I can picture a tank crew or even just a gunner-involved kinetic event... but also maybe a weird vulnerability?

I'm sure the visible oinkers, the secret police, and the rooftop guys will all be armed which is another amusing distinction in the character boundry between troops and cops.

whenever I come across a policy or protocol I didn't expect, I think about the situation that caused somebody to go "well, that cannot happen again" and this one makes me laugh.

[-] Awoo@hexbear.net 42 points 1 day ago

Has the US military got any experience with synchronised performance marching? I have a feeling it's gonna be amateur dogshit compared to China's parades.

[-] Carl@hexbear.net 32 points 1 day ago

You do it in boot camp and then never again, unless you're in the band or the drill team I guess. These guys are probably gonna be practicing for a few weeks before the real thing, though that doesn't mean it will look great because I'm sure there are a bunch of problems that they'll run into on the day of that they haven't thought of yet.

[-] D61@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

Isn't DC a swamp? Whats the temp and humidity expected to be out there during the parade?

Better start taking bets on how many soldiers fall out to heat.

Would be just chefs-kiss if some of those tanks broke down during the parade though.

[-] Awoo@hexbear.net 23 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

A few weeks absolutely isn't enough to match the Chinese performance they put on at Victory Day. Gonna make some comparisons afterwards lol it's gonna look shambolic side by side.

https://www.tiktok.com/@china.william1997/video/7502823229623471382

[-] Crucible@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago

Hegseth is come out afterwards to say 'marching is like dancing and we don't do dancing anymore because it's woke and we aren't woke we're warfighters glug glug glug'

[-] Damarcusart@hexbear.net 19 points 1 day ago

Why did I read the comments on that? So many smug Americans bragging about their mob of child murderers.

[-] blunder@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago

Left shark / right shark

[-] blinx615@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 day ago

Lol I can't imagine they want to do this...

[-] Awoo@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago

Sorry I don't quite understand, can't imagine what? That the soldiers in the parade want to do it? Yeah then you'd probably be right, that makes it even worse because they're not gonna be invested in making their performance good either.

That alone says a lot about the modern state of america tbh. That the troops themselves would half-ass everything because they just don't care and don't want to be doing it.

[-] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

nah fuck parades all my marching band survivors hate parades

[-] blinx615@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

... Tf?

You think the military should happily "perform"? They take their jobs very seriously, it's not for entertainment value.

[-] D61@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

points and laughs

[-] Damarcusart@hexbear.net 18 points 1 day ago

You're right, the US military would be much happier killing brown kids on the other side of the world, but we can't all always get what we want.

[-] Awoo@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

A military that is actually proud of itself? Yes absolutely its soldiers should be proud of parading.

The issue here isn't the act of parading. The issue here is that the US and its vassal states under nato are an evil empire that do nothing but evil everywhere they go. There is nothing to be proud of, and they certainly do not exist for the people.

When a military that genuinely exists for the benefit of its people parades, its soldiers are proud of doing so, and its people love seeing them do so. When a military that exists for the benefit of its ruling class parades, the parade takes on a different character, it does not look like a display of pride to its people, it looks like an intimidating threat to them instead.

Herein lies the difference between China putting on a parade, or the soviet union in its time, and how that differs to the US. One is a display of actual defenders of the people while the other is a display of enforcers of the bourgeoisie. These have a clearly different character.

So to answer your question "you think the military should happily perform?" No, not the american military. Every single one of its members should throw themselves off a cliff for the monstrosity they're taking part in, or dedicate the rest of their lives to making up for it. They don't want to parade because they know there is nothing to be proud of deep down.

[-] blinx615@lemmy.ml -1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Lmao I'm not reading that. You're just part of the propaganda machine

[-] D61@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

I'm not reading that.

refuses to read five sentences

[-] Kuori@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago

so are you. you're just on the side of empire.

[-] blinx615@lemmy.ml -1 points 19 hours ago

You don't even know what that means.

[-] Kuori@hexbear.net 1 points 3 hours ago

jagoff drown in a septic system you illiterate dog

[-] KnownUnknownKnower@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

You’re in denial about imperialism. Your life sucks so the empire must not exist? Bizarre

[-] DogThatWentGorp@hexbear.net 70 points 1 day ago

Calling it now this will 100% make any audio of the event unusable and still fuck up the roads.

[-] 7bicycles@hexbear.net 22 points 1 day ago

The Army will place large metal plates at key points on the streets of Washington to better protect the pavement from the movements of 25 M1 Abrams main battle tanks

I think 25 Abrams in Unison would make the audio unuseable anyways but yeah the roads are just gonna be fucked.

[-] D61@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Just the sound a single turbine engine makes is enough to make audio unusable.

[-] DogThatWentGorp@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Critical support to Lord Commander Comrade Donny Deals for his mission to covertly destroy the US capitol at any rate.

[-] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 28 points 1 day ago

Hell yeah, destroy DC

[-] Blakey@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago
[-] ClimateStalin@hexbear.net 64 points 1 day ago

It’s gonna be really really funny when it fucks up the streets

[-] invalidusernamelol@hexbear.net 53 points 1 day ago

This happened in my town where the put load dispersing plates down while installing prefab concrete walls for a parking garage. The road surface was undamaged, but the weight crushed the storm and water pipes under the road that later caused the road to collapse lol

[-] spectre@hexbear.net 33 points 1 day ago

Fuck me what a fuck up that must have been

[-] invalidusernamelol@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

In the end it was alright, turns out the city still has asbestos and wood pipes under the street and the calculations were for concrete and steel.

So that incident got them to finally replace them.

Another incident a street over and only a month or so later took out the landlines of every AT&T customer for the whole region. A small Fiber to the Home ISP was installing underground cable and hit the splice room with their boring machine. No one told them that the utilities under our town are all run through a large tunnel network and not 3" conduit. Which to be fair, doesn't make sense because the "town" is a single street and has a population of like 6000, but there is indeed and underground tunnel network that was used during prohibition.

So some poor sap had to sit in a hole in the road for 5 days manually re soldering phone lines.

[-] krolden@lemmy.ml 3 points 18 hours ago

Your town sounds pretty cool heh

[-] invalidusernamelol@hexbear.net 2 points 15 hours ago

It would be if it wasn't just boomer retirement town now. Beautiful area, but average age here is like 53 or something.

Lots of cool people though, we have a commie town councilwoman who got elected last year. The young folks all know each other and hang out all the time. Also surprising concentration of both young and old LGBT couples here. We have a bunch of older lesbians that ride up and down main street at the end of every pride month in their big trucks waving pride flags and shouting down bigots lol.

[-] LocalMaxima@hexbear.net 45 points 1 day ago
[-] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 13 points 1 day ago

might as well add 2 or 3 planes

[-] D61@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago

me remembering all the downed Chinooks when I was in Iraq

[-] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 32 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

The scrapper in me is salivating at the idea of cutting some of that out with a torch and using the fascist parade steel to build something cool

[-] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 26 points 1 day ago

Soften ye ground sex deungeon tunnels of old.

[-] uSSRI@hexbear.net 16 points 1 day ago

Ben Franklin redemption

[-] yuritopia@hexbear.net 28 points 1 day ago

be a lot cooler if DC had to protect itself from Chinese tanks xi-plz

this post was submitted on 18 May 2025
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chapotraphouse

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