my bed is connected to and controlled by web services because i am a genius sleepmaxxer.
I also saw a post that showed that these things send about 20 GIGABYTES of telemetry every month. Absolute clown shit.
Crashloop logs amount of telemetry
It's amazing how accustomed and okay most people have become about the most invasive, dystopian shit
gigabytes? what. the. fuck.
“Eight Sleep confirmed there’s no offline mode yet, but they’re working on it.”
first off, the idea of anything on a bed wanting internet access, but making it a requirement for all operations with no alternative means the project managers for this "smart" bed should be bundled together and tossed into the ocean.
yet
Working on it
This has been on the market for years and they've showed zero desire to have offline functionality. Get a load of these journalists.
Remember, if your bed remains upright for more than 4 hours, contact your sleep doctor.
What is this even istg i don't understand 2025
You need to listen more Trashfuture
I like how this article is classed under Entertainment
I'm Entertained
too bad the beds didn't fold up into cartoon style tacos and squash the sleepbros when AWS shit the bed.
can't wait til they decide the bed no longer warrants a security update and gets added to a botnet.
They got saved by their ring door bell not letting them in.
like a lot of the smart stuff is obviously horrible for IT security but imagine if you can get assassinated by getting drunk, geting in your bed and then it just folds and sous vides your ass to death
This sounds like one of those obtuse CIA plans to take out Castro
True but also I don't think Castro would even sleep in the socialist Tech (R) Bed because that's dumb as hell
This is the same company that left back doors open to every bed
https://trufflesecurity.com/blog/removing-jeff-bezos-from-my-bed
to be fair, there's many people who would actually like having an open back door on their bed
No offline mode for your bed
Fortunately my bed has offline mode. It’s called grabbing extra blankets…
Critical support to Comrade Amazon in its war on the AmeriKKKan Empire's uh, *checks notes* techbros who insist on buying internet-connected beds
Not so smart anymore, are ya? 
A real tech bro would also need AWS for his pillows.
Ack.
Pillow Talk enables couples to feel closer by transmitting their heartbeats - and by lighting their pillows with a glow. While they may be hundreds of kilometres apart, the two partners are connected through a wristband and a smartphone app. The wristband picks up the wearer’s heartbeat and transmits it via Bluetooth to the iOS or Android app. The other wearer immediately receives, and hears, the other's heartbeat.
"By plugging in your headphones or the pillow speaker, you can lie in bed and hear the real-time heartbeat of your loved one," Montgomery says.
But I guess they never made the thing: Jul 02, 2013.
lol. lmao, even.
Bed bugs
:kelly:
Drink just shot out of my nose, thanks
Hard to feel bad for these fools. The AWS-crash however has reminded me of my wish to get into self hostong, which has remained a dream for now. I wish I wasn't getting side tracked every day (the whole day too).
Skill issue
Doesn't sound very smart to me. 
what in the fuck is a smart bed
Imagine this:
You are trying to go to sleep, but your bed has a firmware update and a nag beep every 3 hours reminding you that it needs to be rebooted to complete the update.
Now imagine that society would be better off if the next Amazon outage was permanent.
Why would you do this to yourself? It costs $2000+$19/mo and doesn't even include the mattress. It's just an app to control an internet connected aquarium chiller that stalks you???
me pointing and laughing on my sub-$300 mattress that has worked just fine for over 10 years and doesn't need to keep track of everytime I rip a fart or mumble "Death to ameriKKKa, death to piSSreal; Infinite 9/11s on the western world" in my sleep
Eight Sleep’s products rely on cloud connectivity to control temperature and track biometric data. When AWS went down, users lost access to the app that manages its water-cooled coils, leaving them stuck with whatever setting was last active.
Pathetic. All this for temperature control and sleep measuring? OK we all know the real reason is for collecting and selling data.
You know that thing where they say "if it's free, you're the product"? This bed costs 2000 bucks and you're still the product.
One viral post from tech enthusiast Alex Browne summed up the absurdity after his Pod locked itself nine degrees above room temperature. “Backend outage means I’m sleeping in a sauna,” he wrote.
These mfs haven't even implemented a fail-safe mode! Why the hell doesn't the bed lock itself to room temperature at failure? Like you have an app and sucking data like a vampire, but you cannot implemented even the most barebones safety feature.
Backend outage means I’m sleeping in a sauna,”
Brother just unplug your bed
For real. Fucking NCIS moment.
Fucking hilarious that most of US infrastructure would shut down if a single well targeted attack hit us-east-1
The sleebros shall be woke.
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