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submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[-] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 99 points 9 months ago

I don't have to chop, stew, dismember, or sell a $5 bill. False equivalency argument.

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 42 points 9 months ago

I know right? Picking up a lost $5 doesnt carry any of those rewarding tasks.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 24 points 9 months ago

i think you ate the onion on c/theonion lol

[-] somtwo@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago
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[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago

It's fine. He never said it. He has said he thinks its ridiculous that he gets so much money for doing nothing compared to school teachers while paying less taxes.

[-] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago

That's just what they want you to think

[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 63 points 9 months ago

His parents were rich and the reason he's more rich is that he exploits lots and lots of people.

[-] Son_of_dad@lemmy.world 38 points 9 months ago

Every single billionaire got there by exploiting and taking money from the people below him, who did most of the actual work. Nobody can earn a billion dollars, you can only do it by stealing. Buffet and Gates are the worst cause they try so hard to play the good guy billionaire image

[-] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 8 points 9 months ago

I assume your downvotes are from billionaires. If not, that’s just sad. If you’re defending billionaires and aren’t one yourself, I regret to inform you that you’re a mark.

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[-] epyon22@programming.dev 55 points 9 months ago

Average net worth for 35-44 year olds $135 thousand his net worth $119.2 billion. $5 equivalent for him is ~$4,414,814.81

[-] Dagrothus@reddthat.com 55 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

If you skinned and sold squirrels at a rate of 7.56 squirrels per second, you'd reach his wealth in just 100 years! All it takes is a little hard work!

They'd also go extinct after 1 year. Maybe switch to rats.

[-] seth@lemmy.world 18 points 9 months ago

taking notes How long will the rats last if I maintain that rate?

[-] goferking0@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 9 months ago

Probably gone even faster as wouldn't you need a lot more rats to equal what you could get from a squirrel?

[-] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 4 points 9 months ago

You could alternate between rats and squirrels to allow repopulation

[-] mctoasterson@reddthat.com 1 points 9 months ago

Even if you don't end up rich, eradicating squirrels is a pretty good consolation prize.

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[-] epyon22@programming.dev 20 points 9 months ago

He can buy a super car with less impact on his net worth than you standing there wondering what to get out of the vending machine

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[-] TheGreenGolem@lemmy.dbzer0.com 43 points 9 months ago

Then they dare to go buy some fucking avocado toast and a mokke lattchiato or whatever the hell, on their fucking bikes with THEIR FUCKING HELMET ON!

[-] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 9 points 9 months ago

Don't buy avacado toast, make it.

Shits cheap af

[-] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 4 points 9 months ago

I don't get all the love for avacado. It tastes like mild plant butter to me. I save a lot of money by never buying it haha.

[-] NostraDavid@programming.dev 4 points 9 months ago

You have to throw some salt and pepper on it. Otherwise it's very bland. Kinda like an egg.

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[-] Godric@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

Dude literally just find more dead squirrels for avocado toast money, it's that simple

[-] theneverfox@pawb.social 3 points 9 months ago

No, you don't understand the problem with avocado toast. You see, bread is a great source of carbs, and combined with the rind of the avocado, the scraps are a super food that leaves squirrels full of energy and with a thick coat that makes them neigh immortal

When's the last time you saw a dead squirrel ripe for the picking? It was free money

[-] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 29 points 9 months ago
[-] Peter1986C@lemmings.world 4 points 9 months ago

🤣 Thanks for repeating Abraham Lincoln's advice.

[-] jenny_ball@lemmy.world 3 points 9 months ago

i love how Lincoln has become the de facto one

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 25 points 9 months ago

As someone that's shot a few squirrels for tying flies with, I'd just buy the damn tails. Squirrels are filthy little beasts and have a pile of parasites that crawl off them when they're dead.

[-] Fudoshin@feddit.uk 8 points 9 months ago

You evil bastard. How could you? They're so cute!

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 22 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

They can be destructive fuckers. And, little known fact, red squirrels are the largest predator of juvenile rabbits.

Tasty, tasty rabbits.

[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

"There's only one way to eat a brace of connies."

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

A squirrel tore up one of our lawn chair cushions to make its nest. Little piece of shit. Then bits of lawn chair stuffing blew all over the neighborhood that winter.

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

I was wondering why I wasn't getting telemetry from my watering bowls and started tracking down the issue. I had leaned a pole with a LoRa antenna up against a tree, and one of the little bastards chewed the line through in about a dozen spots. If they get in the soffet of a house they'll tear all the insulation out, then store thousands of spruce cones in there, making a lovely fire hazard.

Hate them almost as much as mice.

[-] the_post_of_tom_joad@sh.itjust.works 20 points 9 months ago

He looks tough but marbled. Stew meat at Best

[-] Wahots@pawb.social 18 points 9 months ago

Squirrels are pretty high in cholesterol.

[-] magicalman315@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

Thank you Catherine

[-] CurlyMoustache@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

Free cholesterol!

[-] ULS@lemmy.ml 5 points 9 months ago

Sell it bro. eBay.

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

So you're saying Americans would love it.

[-] RestrictedAccount@lemmy.world 15 points 9 months ago

Now you got a stew goin’

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this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2024
762 points (97.9% liked)

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