404
Help me out here (lemmy.world)
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] ving_thor@lemmy.world 152 points 5 months ago

"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

[-] genuineparts@infosec.pub 40 points 5 months ago

If i said you have a nice body would you take off your clothes and do a little dance?

[-] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago

"I am no longer infected!"

[-] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Bouncy bouncy

[-] kionite231@lemmy.ca 4 points 5 months ago

If you throw some money at me I would

[-] dalekcaan@lemm.ee 35 points 5 months ago

Remember Kif: the fastest way to a woman's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.

[-] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

Well at least there's something we can all agree on.

[-] AceSLS@ani.social 47 points 5 months ago

Relevant last place comic:

[-] DumbAceDragon@sh.itjust.works 113 points 5 months ago

Idk why but censoring R*ddit is way funnier than it should be

[-] yamapikariya@lemmyfi.com 53 points 5 months ago

Oh it's reddit? I thought it was censoring out a name of a planet.

[-] kionite231@lemmy.ca 7 points 5 months ago

Huh I thought it's a country name.

[-] xia@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 5 months ago

Given the image, I first thought it was a sci-fi planet.

[-] yamapikariya@lemmyfi.com 1 points 4 months ago

It makes it funnier because it implies that earth women are a dead end for this gamer

[-] zarathustrad@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

I prefer Re***t

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] lauha@lemmy.one 104 points 5 months ago

If by immediate you mean in govermental decision making scale i.e. couple of weeks or months then I once saw a guy being an actual decent person to be around without expecting anything in return and he had no problem getting around.

[-] STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world 78 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Nah. You see I stay in my room 23 and a half hours a day. What I would prefer is if they could be Lured to my room and then I say the thing and then we plow. Like your plan is good but I dunno. At a minimum, how long would this plan require me to be outside of my room for?

[-] kamenlady@lemmy.world 27 points 5 months ago
[-] Technus@lemmy.zip 19 points 5 months ago

Well shit, that's a non-starter then.

[-] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 3 points 5 months ago

Better order something inflatable then, it will probably be more accommodating, and I suggest you order a wide selection and some repair kits just to be sure.

[-] Ithral@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 5 months ago

Become a trapdoor spider, and leave a basket of Bed Bath and Beyond gift cards outside your door as bait?

Step two say ????? No idea what really. Maybe cross your fingers you have a shared interest and the whole kidnapping thing isn't a big deal.

Step three be in a relationship, and probably learn to leave room more often.

[-] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

Yeah I know 3 different plus sized gamers who are happily married

[-] Sop@lemmy.blahaj.zone 77 points 5 months ago

Maybe start by not referring to them as ‘females’ or talking about ‘luring’ them to your room

[-] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 65 points 5 months ago

TIL: there is such a thing as a stupid question.

[-] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 3 points 5 months ago

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

[-] BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works 48 points 5 months ago

“Plus Size Gamer”

Dude, we’re fat or even obese.

[-] proctonaut@lemmy.world 60 points 5 months ago
[-] Kyyrypyy@lemmy.world 23 points 5 months ago

Sounds like a great band name

[-] can@sh.itjust.works 15 points 5 months ago

rubenesque gamer

[-] Zozano@lemy.lol 3 points 5 months ago

Diabetes Stranding

[-] MTK@lemmy.world 47 points 5 months ago

I heard that showing her how unfair it is that just because you are nice no one wants to sleep with you, is the best way to make her sleep with you out of obvious obligation to your nice personality and unjust fate

[-] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 15 points 5 months ago

Also in this context being weird and shy counts as nice. You don't actually have to make any effort!

[-] radicalautonomy@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

And you simply must begin and end every sentence with uWu, obviously.

[-] CookieOfFortune@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Well maybe they’ve gotten enough nice points they can turn them in for one sex?

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 36 points 5 months ago

I used to know one who would go for "here's $100", though that was many many years ago and I don't know if she still lives that kind of life. I haven't kept up with anyone from high-school, much less friends of friends.

[-] I_Has_A_Hat@lemmy.world 28 points 5 months ago

"You should smile more. You'd be a lot prettier"

[-] muzzle@lemm.ee 24 points 5 months ago

No clue, but I would start by not referring to them as females, just a hunch.

[-] Dasus@lemmy.world 20 points 5 months ago

"Hi, I'm Gabe"

[-] ArcticAmphibian@lemmus.org 17 points 5 months ago

"$3 million/year, 1 night/week."

[-] prayer@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 months ago

~150,000/night is a hefty cost.

[-] ArcticAmphibian@lemmus.org 10 points 5 months ago

To betray one's own heart in the interest of profit, such a cost is fair.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 16 points 5 months ago
Han shot first
[-] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 16 points 5 months ago

You don't have to say anything, just show them the sweet skills you've developed while studying the blade.

[-] roguetrick@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

John Madden. Football.

[-] therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 8 points 5 months ago

"plus sized"

[-] leaky_shower_thought@feddit.nl 7 points 5 months ago

There's one in the Austin Powers movies with a funny scottish accent.

I don't think he's not a gamer tho. "Dead sexy" funny guy nonetheless.

[-] zarathustrad@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

I believe his pick up line was: "Listen missy, do you fancy another go? Because once you've had fat you never go back."

He had other lines the ladies love like:

"First things first. Where’s your shitter?! I’ve got a turtle head poking out!"

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Senseless@feddit.org 5 points 5 months ago

This is semi unrelated, but I think still somewhat fitting. There's this one guy in our festival group that sometimes is away, no one knows where he's at but chances are high, he's fucking someone. He's that kind of guy, that ladies fall for when he drops lines like "hi, I'm (redacted) and how do your pants open?"

If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it.

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 25 Jun 2024
404 points (94.5% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26912 readers
1736 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS