Or the one about how he got twisted into a knot

No. Testicles, though lacking the raw strength of Muscles or the courage of elder Uncles, would not be separated from steadfast Principles. Though many tried to insult him with nicknames like "Tubercles" or "Microparticles", those could never stick like they did to poor Treacles or restrain his vigor like heavy Manacles.

Tired of senseless Debacles, he studied scholarly Articles and read ancient Chronicles and prayed nightly for the most magnificent Miracles. Finally one day while meditating, a vision of complex Epicycles formed in the most profound Tabernacles of his mind. He awoke to realize it mattered not what hateful words prodded him like chilly Icicles; he was already atop the Pinnacles of manliness, and he wasn't alone. From that day forth he hung proudly with his wiry protector, the hideous and patchy Follicles no one dared approach.

Man it's crazy to remember how much the style of QC has changed over time

I pronounce it "pee na lope" because of the movie Club Dread lol

Homeowner

One of my favorite mispronounciations comes from the joke how there's 5 words in the English language with "meow" in them:

meow
meows
meowing
meowed
homeowner

I'm a happy ho-meow-ner

Pop-sickles vs Pop-see-kleez in case that helps

As someone who didn't their formative years reading a lot more than taking, I also certainly pronounce a bunch of words wrong. It's always the pretentious ones, too, like pretentious, because people so rarely use them in speech.

Anyway, if enough of us pronounce them wrong together, it'll be the right people who are wrong!

But do you pronounce it "sakso-foni" or "sak-sofoni"

Is this the guy I blame when I die to gravity in Elden Ring?

I bet at least one person can play her. Now we just need to find out if she's a wind instrument or a percussion one.

Language is determined by usage, so it was basically everyone's idea all at once.

I used to think it was just a social in-group/out-group thing, so English speakers could more easily spot foreigners for not knowing the odd pronunciations. But the more I learn about language the more I think of the adage "don't ascribe malice to what could be adequately explained by incompetence".

With how many speakers use English, I now think it just gets jumbled and mangled over time and there's no real central authority to correct for that. Ultimately that makes our words sound weirder and more colorful so it's not the worst thing, especially once you understand that even native speakers don't know how to pronounce most large words until heard.

Because english and a lot of other languages have just stopped changing their spelling to reflect speech, this is useful because it means you can read older texts and you have a fairly standard system of spellings so people don't get confused, but it means you're left with spellings that you just have to treat more like how chinese works, where it represents a concept but has absolutely nothing to say about how it's pronounced.

A lot of words in english look fucked because they're straight up from like 300 years ago.
Take "knight" for example: it used to be pronounced like it's spelled, /k-nei-ch-t/, and you can see how cousins like german and swedish have kept this pronunciation in Knecht and Knekt (although now meaning completely different things).

You can also see why we tend to have this standard unchanging writing if you compare to people who write in dialect, where it can become as incomprehensible as the spoken dialect.
Example from Terry Pratchett’s The Wee Free Men:
“Crivens! It’s a’ verra well sayin’ ‘find the hag,’ but what should we be lookin’ for, can ye tell me that? All these bigjobs look just the same tae me!”

The e at the end of the word makes the previous syllable longer. See saxophone/mastodon, Brightstone/Brighton, trampoline/mandolin, etc.

I BET there are a buttload of exceptions, but removing the e from the end of those words might mess with the pronunciation.

English is a mixture of many languages. Often English just took a word from another language and kept the spelling the same.

Examples:

Kindergarten. A German word which is pronounced like the German word. If you would pronounce it like it should then you would say kinder like in kind.

Bureaucracy. French word. Nobody knows how to write or pronounce it. French people are weird.

You can thank french colonialism for that. Old English (Ænglisc) was a more phonetical language, but then the french took over (colonized) Ængland they forced Ænglisc to adopt countless french words, french spellings and even some french grammar with little to no regard for the phonetical consistency with the rest of the language.