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Ah yes, dying horribly in a never ending fascist war machine is so much preferable to orgies!

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[-] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 36 points 7 months ago

They all think they'd be a Space Marine

They never think they'd be the scutman who dies because the planetary governor accidentally launched a viral bomb into their house

[-] Diva@lemmy.ml 28 points 7 months ago

We're in 401320 motherfucker, you are a servo skull. You live on Mars. You are a peasant. You need to give your techpriest the fucking sector scans.

[-] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago

Not even a very well decorated servo skull

[-] Diva@lemmy.ml 12 points 7 months ago

all grey plastic, not even painted

[-] Yukiko@hexbear.net 9 points 7 months ago

Dipped in Walmart craft paint and left to dry laying on a paper towel.

[-] barrbaric@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago

Imperial population is likely several trillion at the low end

Space Marine population is nominally one million, in reality probably far less

Not that chuds have ever been good at math.

[-] Gucci_Minh@hexbear.net 17 points 7 months ago

James workshop is also very bad at scale in their own universe though. You'll have 100 year full scale wars over entire systems and the lore will say some shit like "3 million casualties of IG over the course of the war"; like that's probably not even in the top 10 casualties list of imperial Chinese rebellions.

Worse is their space marine treatment, where apparently a million known space marines is enough to serve as shock troops over the entirety of their holdings in the galaxy.

Rule of cool and all, but every time I see a 40k novel mention numbers I have to add two zeros to the end for it to actually make sense given the quadrillions of imperials and the other quadrillions of their enemies.

[-] CthulhusIntern@hexbear.net 9 points 7 months ago

That is exactly why in Fantasy, they say "There are exactly as many Elves as the story needs".

(Even that doesn't justify though, the elves apparently being in such a population crisis that the death of even one elf is enough to be considered a tragedy for the race, yet hundreds of elves regularly die in battle, and every year, the Dark Elves celebrate Murder Christmas.)

[-] barrbaric@hexbear.net 9 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

100% in general, famously the leman russ tank has a comically small amount of armor. But when it comes to space marines specifically, imo part of the point is that the symbol of the Imperium's strength is spread too thin and is completely lacking, which is part of why the Imperium has been in a constant spiraling decline for over ten thousand years. I'll admit this take makes a bit less sense since they started advancing the timeline.

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[-] CthulhusIntern@hexbear.net 5 points 7 months ago

Who even WOULD they be in the Imperium? They're not strong enough to be Space Marines or Imperial Guard, or even Inquisition, not smart enough to be Mechanicus, not disciplined enough to be Administratum or in a Forge World, not charismatic enough to be in a Pleasure World, and they would almost certainly not be Psykers, so they couldn't even be fed to the Golden Throne.

Where does that leave them? Cannon fodder? Human test subjects?

[-] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 10 points 7 months ago

Most people are at the bottom of the hierarchy. Even the Imperial Guard are among the top-tier forces of the Imperium. They have better equipment and training than PDFs (planetary defense force) or the private mercenary armies of whatever rich fuck. And being in the Guard still sucks.

The lower castes within the Imperium have few (if any) rights. Some are slaves doing horrific labor in even worse conditions. Some are turned into servitors, performing the tasks of AI and computers without being AI. Some are harvested for organs or experimented on. Some are straight-up killed by the wealthy for sport. And this doesn't even get into what kinds of things are done to humans by various aliens and chaos worshippers.

It is the cruelest and bloodiest regime imaginable. An eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.

[-] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 6 points 7 months ago

Material for Corpse Starch

[-] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

servitors,but that would imply they were cool enough to do a crime though, so maybe not. what are those skull bots flying around? probably one of those

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[-] invo_rt@hexbear.net 33 points 7 months ago

Complaining about the US govt being too big and then identifying with the Imperium in 40K is wild. In lore, people spend their entire fucking lives waiting in line for some bureaucracy shit with the Administratum on Holy Terra.

[-] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 15 points 7 months ago

Some places require several generations of waiting in line to get tickets to go see the Imperial Palace on Terra. The wait is so long with such a high demand it takes decades or even centuries just so your great-grandkids can go die of heart failure at 96 years old trying to climb what's left of the Himalayas.

[-] Yukiko@hexbear.net 27 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I'm more of a Tzeentchian girl myself, but I wouldn't mind giving in to Slaanesh.

Also, imagine liking the most boring fucking faction in the world. The Ultramarines. Fucking Rowboat Gorillaman is such a Mary Sue loser.

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago

Personally I think Grandfather Nurgle should be the official ruinous power of HexBear but that's just me.

[-] barrbaric@hexbear.net 21 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Nah, Nurgle is all about stagnation. Vote Tzeentch for CHANGE 2028 and we will bring in immaterial communism!

I do however support Nurglings.

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 14 points 7 months ago

No, Nurgle is also the king of rebirth. Unlike the other ruinous powers he wants to destroy the galaxy so that it can be created anew, freed from the shackles of corpse emperor.

You clearly haven't read enough theory!

[-] Diva@lemmy.ml 24 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

If the emperor showed up claiming to be my daddy and forced me to abandon my slave-gladiator-rebel allies on the eve of battle with the noble armies coming to crush them, I too would be a terrible manager and betray him at the first opportunity.

Anyway Angron was set up, he didn't choose to get the nuralink installed

[-] barrbaric@hexbear.net 16 points 7 months ago

The Emperor could have probably had him onside forever if he'd just teleported down and killed the slavers but no he was too busy arguing with Malcador that there should be no girlz allowed in the army because they have cooties.

[-] jackmarxist@hexbear.net 7 points 7 months ago

He could've just given Angron command of his legion at that time and he would've been forever loyal.

[-] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 24 points 7 months ago

This is why I stay away from Warhammer

That and money

Mostly money

[-] elpaso@hexbear.net 9 points 7 months ago

Warhammer fans make Skiing look cheap.

[-] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 19 points 7 months ago

Me, as an imperial guard conscript: this sucks ass, dying out here to soak up bullets for those big metal assholes

Me, as a Gue'vesa auxiliary: wow, this rocks. I get to break enemy lines for funny robot guy over-your-head

[-] CliffordBigRedDog@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago
[-] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 17 points 7 months ago

They all imagine they'll be space marines rather than some sickly hive citizen that gets got by the feeeeeeeemales of clan Escher.

Even in the grim darkness of the 41st millenia incels will still be terrified of women, but this time it won't be the incels gunning women down.

[-] carpoftruth@hexbear.net 16 points 7 months ago

I thought whole point of that setting is that literally everyone is sacrificed to war, regardless of the side. Space marines are one in a million combatants at best, just like how chaos has one cool demon for every jillion little bullshit mobs.

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 20 points 7 months ago

Honestly the only good faction to be in is Orks, because while they all die horribly in war, they're genetically engineered to FUCKING LOVE IT! It's their favorite thing ever being ripped apart in bloody combat!

[-] Outdoor_Catgirl@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago

Orks are moral because they follow the golden rule: do onto others(war) as you would have them do unto you(also war).

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 9 points 7 months ago

Orks just think everyone is having a fun time.

"wut? Da oomans don't like it when we blast em with da shootas? I thought we wuz just havin a good ol waaaarrrrgggghhhh!"

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[-] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 15 points 7 months ago

Just popping in to let all the filthy mon'keigh mongrels know that Eldar Craftworlds are canonically communism. Sucks to suck.

[-] Thallo@hexbear.net 7 points 7 months ago

Really? Aren't Tau supposed to be Communism?

[-] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 14 points 7 months ago

Tau used to be a lot cooler, but the grimdark fan lads did a massive cry about weeabooification of their grimdork nonsense setting. Now the tau are a lot less cool with mind control and sterilisation camps etc etc

[-] 666@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Farsight Enclaves? Not perfect but feels revolutionary.

[-] Thallo@hexbear.net 8 points 7 months ago

The joke on r/sigmarxism was always that Farsight Enclaves was a junta, and we should uphold Tau'va thought

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[-] Tomorrow_Farewell@hexbear.net 6 points 7 months ago

Notably, the Tau were introduced only a few years after the setting turned grimdark.

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[-] REEEEvolution@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 7 months ago

Communism is when caste system...

[-] Yukiko@hexbear.net 10 points 7 months ago
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[-] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 15 points 7 months ago

Left wing this, right wing that, I just wanna grill for hive's sake

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 16 points 7 months ago

Chaos this, emperor that, I just wanna WAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH goddammit!

[-] REEEEvolution@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 7 months ago

Diz git haz is roight.

[-] queermunist@lemmy.ml 14 points 7 months ago

It's that "wow! cool future!" meme except they're doing it unironically.

[-] Gorb@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago

Isn't literally the entire point of warhammer that the endless violence and suffering fuels the chaos and is basically the reason it exists in the first place.

[-] CascadeOfLight@hexbear.net 9 points 7 months ago

It's funny how they look at a setting barely less overtly satirical than Judge Dredd (to the point of having cops in it that are literally outright homages) completely saturated by the quite specific miserable, dystopian vibes of 80s England under Thatcher, and go "yes please!". And by funny I mean Khorne is going to manifest in reality through the conduit of my brain.

I also hate the way chuds spam out God-Emperor memes for whichever pathetic whiteboy they're jacking themselves off to at any given moment, when the canonical Emperor was an Anatolian born in 10,000BC with a gestalt soul formed from the shamans of every tribe living on Earth at the time. The 'Avatar of Humanity' is not going to be white.

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[-] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 7 points 7 months ago
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this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2024
76 points (98.7% liked)

chapotraphouse

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