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submitted 3 weeks ago by TxzK@lemmy.zip to c/theonion@midwest.social

The attempted assassination of conservative activist Charlie Kirk is drawing condemnation across the board for the shooter's inability to hit a giant target.

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[-] TxzK@lemmy.zip 73 points 3 weeks ago
[-] Mongostein@lemmy.ca 25 points 3 weeks ago

I keep trying to find the spot where it doesn’t look fake and I can’t!

[-] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 weeks ago

He looks kinda normal at 120%.

[-] VoteNixon2016@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 weeks ago

That's because 120% is just Adam Driver

You've got to get to like 85% before it starts being unbelievably small

[-] Slab_Bulkhead@lemmy.world 51 points 3 weeks ago
[-] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 32 points 3 weeks ago
[-] marighost@piefed.social 7 points 3 weeks ago

That face is way too big to be Charlie's!

[-] bizarroland@lemmy.world 24 points 3 weeks ago

The last I heard he actually died, though.

[-] mkwt@lemmy.world 60 points 3 weeks ago

What I heard is:

  • 200 yards
  • 1 round expended
  • 1 dead
  • no collateral damage

Sounds like a pretty competent assassination to me.

[-] ScreamingFirehawk@feddit.uk 18 points 3 weeks ago

Nice work 47

[-] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

Gotta get maga back on his side and forget about Epstein somehow.

[-] frog_brawler@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago
[-] qarbone@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago

It's definitely what he would've wanted. Trust me, bro. Release the unaltered Epstein files for ol' bobbledead Chuckie Kirk.

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[-] FaceDeer@fedia.io 40 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah. I actually watched the video of him being shot and the statements about him being in "critical condition" were clearly just "we don't want to admit he's dead yet." Not a video for the faint of heart. The shot blew open his neck arteries, I've never seen a fountain of chunky salsa like that in a real-life video before. And he instantly went into the "fencing response" pose, which is also a terrible sign in its own right even without the blood fountain. There were medical professionals commenting over on Reddit that if he'd been shot like that while he was lying on an operating table with a team of surgeons standing around him ready to get to work he still wouldn't have made it.

[-] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 24 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

And he instantly went into the “fencing response” pose

That was what stood out to me the most. Just blood? Someone could poke a finger into that and mitigate the lethality by a ton. But the involuntary response to sudden pain is put your hands on it and guard it... Kirk's hands raised a bit, then kinda just flopped, which has me wondering if that bullet went in through the carotid and then blew his fucking spinal cord in half. Total loss of motor control.

...pretty sure that also means he shat and pissed himself on the way down.

This is the correct way to address Nazis.

[-] krunklom@lemmy.zip 4 points 3 weeks ago

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[-] philosloppy@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

the fencing response is the result of brain stem trauma, not pain.

[-] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago

That's what I'm getting at - the bullet hole causes a lot of pain, and he didn't react to that in a normal way. The way is arms lifted slightly and just kinda stopped screamed neurologic damage. Even if they had stopped the bleeding a millisecond after he was hit, he'd have still been fucked.

[-] P00ptart@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Watched it? Shit I fuckin downloaded it.

Edit: agreed with those medical professionals. He would've been dead in less than 2-3 minutes even with the best surgical team in the country. That shit was like Tarantino levels of blood.

[-] hexdream@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

I'm so out of the loop these days. Where is a source to watch/ download the video uncensored?

[-] FaceDeer@fedia.io 3 points 3 weeks ago

I saw it on X via a link from Reddit, but when I check that X link now it's been taken down. Bastion of free speech and all.

[-] hexdream@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

Ah. I have not been on x since before it transitioned.

[-] ProIsh@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

Have an upvote!

[-] P00ptart@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago

Horseshit. The head is far too easy of a shot. Like Mr. Mackey. This person wanted a challenge.

[-] Fedizen@lemmy.world 22 points 3 weeks ago

I do wonder if the neck shot was intentional or a miss. If the guy who did it is named mario I'm going to lose my shit.

[-] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

First name, Mario, last name, Brothers.

[-] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

Luigi Mario Brothers.

[-] P00ptart@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

Omfg that would just be legendary.

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[-] kkj@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 3 weeks ago

I don't think they were aiming for the largest head on the planet. Graham Linehan was nowhere in the area.

They missed the smallest face on the planet, but that's understandable.

[-] Wilco@lemmy.zip 14 points 3 weeks ago

Amazing reporting.

I would argue the shooter's aim time was too conservative. He took too long and fouled the shot.

[-] tio_bira@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago

Nah, i think it's the smalllest face on the planet, it gives the wrong impression

[-] ArmchairAce1944@discuss.online 4 points 3 weeks ago

He couldn't aim for the face. The face was too small! So he aimed for something else.

[-] robocall@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago

404: Page Not Found

Sorry, we couldn't find a page at this URL

I can't find this article on the site. It's possible they took it down.

[-] possumparty@lemmy.blahaj.zone 49 points 3 weeks ago

They did, they posted this before he was confirmed dead and updated it with "Antivaxxer finally takes a shot"

[-] cheers_queers@lemmy.zip 12 points 3 weeks ago
[-] Dragonstaff@leminal.space 4 points 3 weeks ago

That looks deleted now too.

[-] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 weeks ago

A "C" is still passing

[-] ArkanianOffshoot@feddit.org 9 points 3 weeks ago
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[-] stinky@redlemmy.com 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)
[-] Flyberius@hexbear.net 7 points 3 weeks ago

It's been removed! Or did it never exist and this is just a joke?

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this post was submitted on 10 Sep 2025
694 points (98.9% liked)

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